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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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My children attend the catholic school here where I also grew up. It is my faith community and my home, but sometimes I still feel so out of place among all the married couples and two parents families.

Most of the events are couples or two parent family oriented and its hard to show up alone...I know, sadly, that all those couples and marriages are not perfect, but at least they are not sitting at the holiday concert alone again! or worse I am sitting with my parents!

Anybody else feel this way?

09/02/2012 new

(Quote) Anne-605874 said: My children attend the catholic school here where I also grew up. It is my faith community and my ...
(Quote) Anne-605874 said:

My children attend the catholic school here where I also grew up. It is my faith community and my home, but sometimes I still feel so out of place among all the married couples and two parents families.

Most of the events are couples or two parent family oriented and its hard to show up alone...I know, sadly, that all those couples and marriages are not perfect, but at least they are not sitting at the holiday concert alone again! or worse I am sitting with my parents!

Anybody else feel this way?

--hide--

Hi, Anne. My ex and I put our son through Catholic grade school, and Andy is now a sophomore in a Catholic high school. My ex remarried while Andy was quite small, so the grade school community saw all three of us together at events. Ex's wife, except for being taller, resembles me a great deal, so she's been mistaken for Andy's true mom at times, & that's galled me on occasion. But people meant no harm doing so, so I eventually got over it. Also, in the early years, I felt very uncomfortable attending events alone, so I tried to have a date or a friend go with me, but that wasn't always possible. Good thing that the two households ironed out a lot of our differences and angers. Often we all sit together, as we did today for a sporting event. It's taken time, but I've developed a thicker skin regarding going solo to school events--a bit of tunnel vision, which maybe has made me appear aloof, but it's been my way of coping with my social discomfort. And has served me in the times where a few of the unkinder families puposely were rejecting. Jesus didn't say there would be no trials in life, but He did assure us that He'd be with us through them; when I can remember this, it's made facing these little challenges easier for me to bear. But there is a division between intact families and single-parent families a lot of the time, where I just don't belong.

09/02/2012 new

(((Anne))) I feel for you.

I went through what you're feeling right now.

During the first few weeks of my marriage break down, I started spending a lot of time in the Holy Sacrament Room and poured my heart to Jesus... I remember the sleepless nights and found myself just sobbing, crying my heart out to the Lord..

Yet despite of those pains and confusion, I thanked Him for I knew He was in control of everything. I asked Him to grant me the Holy Spirit so I could offer all my pains for His Glory.

I told Him how I felt every time I felt left out (with the happy couples around in school events, house gatherings, etc).. I even asked His permission if I could just skip those events as it was too painful for me to go..

Below were His Wisdom revealed during Spirit-filled discernment and prayer:

"It's okay to feel sad. Believe that I am in control. You must stay strong for your son. Whatever your son sees in you, he will adapt the same attitude. If he sees weakness, he will be weak. Be strong. Find strength in me."

"Your son’s heart is broken and needs healing. You will be instrumental in mending his heart. Find Healing in Me."

“Focus on the good. Stop looking around.. Look up to Me.. Hold my Hand.. I am here for you”

..... I went to those events holding God's Hand and with Mother Mary's prayer.. The Holy Spirit granted me courage to go through it all. My son and I always had our evening prayer before going to bed. We talked about what happened in school, or at my work. We shared stories. And every time, - I told him how blessed we were, as even though his dad left us, we have Our Daddy God Who’s completely devoted to us, and would never ever leave us.. It was by God’s grace that I meant those words, Anne.. And my son felt the essence of those words..

Myself and Mother Mary, along with the Holy Angels and Saints - are praying for you and your children..

09/02/2012 new

(Quote) Anne-605874 said: My children attend the catholic school here where I also grew up. It is my faith community and my ...
(Quote) Anne-605874 said:

My children attend the catholic school here where I also grew up. It is my faith community and my home, but sometimes I still feel so out of place among all the married couples and two parents families.

Most of the events are couples or two parent family oriented and its hard to show up alone...I know, sadly, that all those couples and marriages are not perfect, but at least they are not sitting at the holiday concert alone again! or worse I am sitting with my parents!

Anybody else feel this way?

--hide--



I plan to send my youngest to catholic school when she is old enough so I don't know how that feels yet but even going to church alone all the time is a reminder. I don't look forward to that part.

09/08/2012 new

I have a daughter who is a junior and a son who is in third grade, both at Catholic schools. Being there alone isn't always fun but I was usually there alone even when we were married. I've decided that our situation is what it is and I can't change that. If their father comes we do sit together since the event is about the kids. It's not easy but we have to remember that we aren't perfect and our children love us and just want to know we are there for them. Good luck to you. hug

09/08/2012 new

I have had both of my children in Catholic school since kindergarten. They are now in 8th and 9th grade. I will admit to having a hard time always being alone. There are times when I am blessed enough to have my parents with me. I always go to every function that is for the children. I do not attend the couples functions.

I have told my mother, "The cheese stands alone". It can be a hard place to be. God is with us and we are doing what is right for our children. We are blessed to be able to put them through school with a Catholic foundation. I would not want it any other way.

All of the other replies are spot on. Way to go gals!

09/09/2012 new

Hi Anne,

Yes, I felt that way too. My kids both went to Catholic school for kindergarten and I avoided most of the parent fund-raiser activities and get-togethers because I felt like everyone had a "date" but me.... (although, looking back I probably would have found a group of women to talk with at these events, it just didn't feel right to go at the time). I was embarrassed about being divorced. I still hate explaining to people who ask questions like, "Would your husband be able to...." that (and this is what I ACTUALLY do respond) "I don't have one of those..."

Don't feel bad about sitting with your parents though. Be happy that they support you. I would never have survived my divorce without my parents.

I have finally reached the point where I don't care what other people say anymore, but it took me about 4 years to get here. So, don't give up hope. Learn to love who you are, know that you are doing the best you can to follow God's plan, and if anyone judges you - they are really only hurting themselves. It would be nice to have a 2nd adult around the house sometimes to help with "family" life, but I know like any parent that you are probably doing your best to do what is best for your child. Others will see that too.

09/09/2012 new

Oh yes Anne.I went through lots of events on my own.I often felt out of place with all the couples around.Lots of fundraising events I would not attend since I have to be alone.I really hoped that there would be someone who would enjoy them with me .

09/09/2012 new

You could use the opportunity to join some fundraising activities to help out the school or organisations that they are involved in.I did this a few times when my sons were in primary school.You also get the opportunity to meet a few other parents.

09/09/2012 new

(Quote) Melissia-884521 said: Hi Anne,Yes, I felt that way too. My kids both went to Catholic school for kindergarte...
(Quote) Melissia-884521 said:

Hi Anne,

Yes, I felt that way too. My kids both went to Catholic school for kindergarten and I avoided most of the parent fund-raiser activities and get-togethers because I felt like everyone had a "date" but me.... (although, looking back I probably would have found a group of women to talk with at these events, it just didn't feel right to go at the time). I was embarrassed about being divorced. I still hate explaining to people who ask questions like, "Would your husband be able to...." that (and this is what I ACTUALLY do respond) "I don't have one of those..."

Don't feel bad about sitting with your parents though. Be happy that they support you. I would never have survived my divorce without my parents.

I have finally reached the point where I don't care what other people say anymore, but it took me about 4 years to get here. So, don't give up hope. Learn to love who you are, know that you are doing the best you can to follow God's plan, and if anyone judges you - they are really only hurting themselves. It would be nice to have a 2nd adult around the house sometimes to help with "family" life, but I know like any parent that you are probably doing your best to do what is best for your child. Others will see that too.

--hide--
Welcome to the forums Melissa.

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