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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Sep 9th 2012 new
Most women are seeking passion in a man. Often they mistake the Bad Boy for a man of passion. In the absence of men who are actively passionate about good things in life they gravitate to the Bad Boy who at least shows signs of activity. Too many "nice guys" ( oh how I despise that term!) are passive about life, waiting to react to things. Men are meant to be doers.

There are wonderful, passionate, pro-active men out there. Good men. They are around. More than we often think, but fewer than we need. We need a few more Good Men. Praying
Sep 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: Wow - you are totally, where are the men like that.
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:



Wow - you are totally, where are the men like that.

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They are rarer in these dark times but they are there. I'm one :]. I'll be praying for God's will to be fulfilled in you, and you may possibly find one sent by God for you :)

Sep 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Tony-760560 said: It's not a matter of bad boy are good boy. Lots of women are just attracted to strong men that...
(Quote) Tony-760560 said:

It's not a matter of bad boy are good boy. Lots of women are just attracted to strong men that don't act wussy and uphold there values. As long as you be yourself and are a strong man of prayer you should be fine.

It just so happens that many "bad boys" give off this strong tough aura but then they end up being the ones that women regret later and say "oh why did I get into that abusive relationship, why do I attract all the wrong guys" Becuase those type of men are everywhere in this culture of death. Strong Prayer is key, ask St. Rapheal to guide you.

A morally strong male that doesn't get all wishy washy. A man who doesn't give into temptation and upholds his values. A man who doesn't give up and can help her. To be the Knight in Shining Armor. This is what they want. I'm kinda into pshychology so I find this stuff interesting

But what one must work on is De-tachment, this will detach you from the world and attach you to Christ, this will destroy selfishness and allow you to be pure and loving. A level of cool indifference is important. Be strong, pray the rosary, and resist temptation. Be a manly man, a holy man, like St. Joseph. Praying for you all :]

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Well said, Tony! The "bad boys" know how to present themselves and articulate with confidence, which makes them appear attractive, but after spending time with them and asking the tough questions, their true colors/intentions show through making them unattractive.

Sep 10th 2012 new
I think there are many different reasons for this and I have been spending some time recently thinking about it since that's the guy i tend to go for as well. I'm going to generalize by saying women, not all, want to help and nurture because it's in our blood for motherhood. Also, I think we see the bad boy as someone that is a protector and provides safety. Out saying the nice guys aren't capable of that, I think that's just a more overt attribute of the bad boy. And lastly, I think it depends on the woman's family relationship, especially her relationship with her father. We get our first impressions of a man from our fathers, and first look at a relationship from our parents. The way you are is directly proportionate to what you saw and experienced growing up, whether you like it or not.
Sep 10th 2012 new

Andy:


Nice try dude. So you are the real good boy that keeps missing the boat. Work on yoour introduction a bit. A walk to remember, My walk was with 9-12 other dudes and i was in charge and responsible for getting them back alive. We were in the jungle of Vietrnam and i was very well trained but only 20. I guess you might say we were the bad boys. Bad to the bone. We mean jusst what we say, we were stable, honest, trusting dudes that just went to work a different way. We did not crave attraction, medals, or attention but sometimes got lots of that. If you meet some one than feel you have to change them what are you really doing, trying to make them into someone else. Not accepting who you met in the first place. As a group We never bragged about what we did or the training we had, we just did good work. We were paragons of truth. A woman does not want someone she can bend around her finger or control with her gestures. And, just maybe that puts some dudes at a disadvantage. You got the whole Christan thing a bit wrong Dude! Just think about that a bit. We walk and talk by example. We can walk the walk and talk the talk. Anything else is showing off. A mature man does not need to change a woman he wants to be with.

If you lack excitement, then just do it. Jump out of planes, scuba dive, white water canoe, mountain climb, repel. Its just a means of getting to a place. Its going to work, but you jump out of planes. Life is about friends and friend ships, nature and the thrill of exploring and seeing new things. Nobody get out of this place alive. Why spend time trying to change the people you meet. Sounds like an big waste of time. And, why whine about excitement go do some and find a better way to peddle you wears. You started off OK-movies arnt real but jumping from 3000ft. is and its a nice view. Life is not in TV its outside. faults, I still have a loaded 45 next to my bed. Good Luck dude ! Bill;





Sep 10th 2012 new

For sure, once you are mature you don't want the bad boy...you want someone decent and respectful who will treat you right....I know I do. I finally figured out that I deserve way better than what I used to accept.

Sep 10th 2012 new

Bernadette,


I agree with you completely. I think I may be one who finishes last.....but I have been around long enough to see that sometimes the "bad boys" turn out to be bad boys to the disappointment of the disappointment of the girls who had hoped they would become good men,

Sep 10th 2012 new

In my experience, the woman seeking the bad boy is often gravitating toward what feels familiar. She herself may have come from a dysfunctional home, and the bad boy with all his issues may be attractive for all the reasons you stated. Some of these women have self-esteem issues that they try to resolve by reforming these types of boys (note that I don't call them men).

I've been a nice guy for most of my life and it's served me well. I went from a small-town nobody to a Major in the Army Reserve. Keeping your nose clean by not tempting trouble is a good thing. I have plenty of examples of people in my life that went the other way and are now living with constant regret. Don't change who you are to satisfy anyone else. But do step out and take risks often. The worst that can happen is simple rejection.

Years ago, I dated who I thought was a wonderful young lady, who dumped me six months later, on Valentine's Day, of all days. She told me that I was too nice and predictable, and she wanted someone who was exciting and dangerous. I was devastated. Fast-forward to six months later, and she was single again and wanting to reconcile. But God had shown me not long after the breakup that there's more than one woman on the planet, and I had moved on. When I was dumped, my girlfriend told me that people can't change. Six months later, instead of pining away for her, I couldn't stand going near her. But she wanted the bad boy and didn't put any faith in me or us. I look back now and realize God actually took me away from a horrible situation, which I couldn't see at the time.

Keep your chin up, and help me keep mine up as well. Fight the good fight.

Sep 10th 2012 new

I think that all woman get weak in the knees regarding the 'bad boy', but they are usually not interested in a serious, moral relationship. Smelling salts, anyone?

Sep 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Andrew-674389 said: We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” but does that really hold...
(Quote) Andrew-674389 said:

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” but does that really hold true?

I’ve often found that many girls have an attraction towards “the bad boys.” More specifically, a man she can change, or make better. From what I’ve been told, they want to be the one girl a man cared so much about that he was willing to change his ways in order to be with her. She was able to show him what he was truly missing. If this doesn’t make sense, just watch the movie, “A Walk to Remember.” What girl doesn’t melt when she watches that movie? Maybe it’s that “the good guys” aren’t a challenge or they lack the excitement “the bad boys” offer? I once saw a t-shirt with writing on the front that said “Where did all the good guys go?” On the back it said, “You left them in the ‘friend zone.’”

On a website such as CatholicMatch, I would think that the comments above wouldn’t necessarily hold true, but recent conversations with mature, Catholic female friends have led me to believe otherwise. The desire to find someone with faults they could improve was still there.

We all want to find someone we can better, right? Isn’t that part of what makes us Christians? But does that put “the good guy” at a disadvantage in the dating world? Most of us highlight our strong attributes when building our profiles, but should the guys be highlighting their faults too? We all have them. When should we make them known?

I’m not really looking for a specific answer; I just thought it was an interesting discussion point. As much as I love feedback from anyone, I’m curious what my age group has to say.

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Wow just did this subject. My opinion only, but women don't like "nice guys." I have seen it in my own life and first hand. Quick story, my ex-wife and I were friends with a Protestant pastor and his wife Valerie, and Valerie is a deeply devout Christian woman, as sweet and quiet as can be. She told us when she first went out on a date with her husband Jay, that she didn't really like him that much. This guy kind of reminds you of Richtie Cunningham from Happy Days. She said that she thought he was a "nice guy" but really boring.


On their third date Val was going to tell Jay that she wasn't going to see him anymore because she liked another guy who was far more "exciting and outgoing." When Jay picked Val up he told her that he had to stop by and look at a 1957 Chevie at a friend's house he was considering buying the car. He coaxed Val to go with him and they took the car for a test drive. Val was bored and wanted to tell Jay that she wasn't going to go out with him anymore and at that second she was thinking about it, Jay slammed the pedal to the metal and burned out up the street getting the car up to 90 miles an hour. Val looked at Jay and said, "What are you doing? Jay said, "I have to make sure the thing has got some guts and can move before I buy it."


That was it, Val fell in love with him at that moment realizing he had some "sand in his pants" as she put it. 100 percent true story. I have never forgotten when she told my ex-wife and I that.


Keith

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