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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Sep 13th 2012 new

Oh Cares

Oct 11th 2012 new
So, I've been reading more about this exact topic after discussing it amongst my dear female friends. Here is what I have found

A woman wants a good man.

Good man- one who treats her and MAKES HER FEEL like a lady; respectful, responsible, loving, generous, faithful, loyal, trustworthy, smart, helpful, dependable, MAKES HER FEEL SAFE; would be a good role model for a son and a decent helpmate and life partner.

A woman likes nice guys

nice guy- guy who isn't a jerk to you; MIGHT respect you, MIGHT be responsible, MIGHT make you feel desirable; MIGHT love you; probably not a life partner; Not a good role model for son or a decent helpmate; does not NECESSARILY meet the criteria for a GOOD MAN

I repeat a GOOD MAN may be a NICE MAN; but a NICE MAN DOES NOT EQUAL GOOD MAN

And why do bad boys seem to win over nice guys, even good guys? Because BAD BOYS make women feel like WOMEN.

Bad boy- a seemingly confidant man who gives a woman a feeling that she is beautiful, desirable, sexy, special; provides a save and comfortable environment for a woman to "experience her God-given sexual nature" (someone else's words). In short, bad boys recognize that every woman is unique and special in her own way, and they seek to make us aware of this. They are not necessarily a helpmate and not a life partner.

BAD BOYS are not BAD MEN

Bad men- men who are "wolves in sheep's clothing" who are out to degrade and destroy anyone they come in contact

Notice that BAD MEN can be NICE MEN... being nice as a way to lure you in.

Men are fascinating creatures, lovely in their own way, and a fantastic complement to the women like myself. But in short, it isn't that women (like me and many of my acquaintance) WANT a bad man or a bad boy. Men are created much more eloquently and are made of much grandeur material than to just be static and fit one mold "good, bad, or other"

If you want MY real answer... give your lady what she wants and needs

1. feel love : Good Man, Bad Boy

2. feel safe: Good Man, Bad Boy

3. feel like a lady: Good Man

3. feel like a woman: Bad Boy

Remember, God made WOMEN to be a partner to MEN, be a complement to men- so WE WANT AND NEED MEN IN OUR LIVES; but we (as women) need help doing so and finding that right life partner and help mate (for each one of us). Help us ladies out by being primarily a Good Man, but some secondary "bad boy" traits are not a bad thing ;)

Hope this helps clear up the mystery to us women (sorry ladies for betraying any trust or confidence).
Oct 11th 2012 new
(Quote) Andrew-674389 said: We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” but does that really hold true?
(Quote) Andrew-674389 said:

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” but does that really hold true?



I’ve often found that many girls have an attraction towards “the bad boys.” More specifically, a man she can change, or make better. From what I’ve been told, they want to be the one girl a man cared so much about that he was willing to change his ways in order to be with her. She was able to show him what he was truly missing. If this doesn’t make sense, just watch the movie, “A Walk to Remember.” What girl doesn’t melt when she watches that movie? Maybe it’s that “the good guys” aren’t a challenge or they lack the excitement “the bad boys” offer? I once saw a t-shirt with writing on the front that said “Where did all the good guys go?” On the back it said, “You left them in the ‘friend zone.’”



On a website such as CatholicMatch, I would think that the comments above wouldn’t necessarily hold true, but recent conversations with mature, Catholic female friends have led me to believe otherwise. The desire to find someone with faults they could improve was still there.



We all want to find someone we can better, right? Isn’t that part of what makes us Christians? But does that put “the good guy” at a disadvantage in the dating world? Most of us highlight our strong attributes when building our profiles, but should the guys be highlighting their faults too? We all have them. When should we make them known?



I’m not really looking for a specific answer; I just thought it was an interesting discussion point. As much as I love feedback from anyone, I’m curious what my age group has to say.

--hide--


I think you should reflect on the story of Samwise Gamgee

Samwise "Sam" Gamgee was a hobbit, a "nice guy" hobbit who was in love with a beautiful female hobbit named Lucy. Sam was very "nice" to Lucy; and Lucy appreciated Sam a lot and felt like he was a great friend, but Lucy always dance with Aaron "Aragon" Smithheart. Sam didn't understand why Lucy went for Aragon, because Aragon always would flirt with other Hobbit ladies. But then, Sam's best friend Frodo needed help fixing a huge problem with his uncle's ring, so Sam went with Frodo on this incredible and horrific journey to fix this stupid ring that every source of evil in the world seemed to covet. Sam learned so much about how brave, strong, and faithful he really could be. He faced monsters to protect Frodo, took care of Frodo when he was sick, rarely ever left Frodo's side, and even forgave Frodo when Frodo decided to have a "bad boy" goblin for a traveling companion instead of Sam. Sam was gone for about 2 years, and as a reward was given treasure and a really strong silver rope. When Sam returned to his hobbit home, he walked almost 2 feet taller, spoke with confidence, and finally went up and asked Lucy for a dance at the next Hobbit party way before Aaron had a chance to even look at the fair Lucy. Lucy found that Sam was a strong lead, more confident, had an attractive "edge" and "danger"; but treated her like the most special and precious Hobbit in the world. Lucy felt safe with Sam, thought Sam was strong in character and morals, and Lucy felt much more attracted to Sam once he came back from the journey as if he may be "the one". Sam devoted himself to Lucy's safety and happiness; and after one month of courtship and attention, Sam asked Lucy to marry him and she said yes. Why did Lucy go for the "edgy and danger" Sam vs. the "nice and friendly" Sam? Post journey Sam made Lucy feel safe, special, and confident in his affections and ability to provide for her; Pre journey Sam just wasn't a jerk to her. If you were Lucy, which Sam would you go out with and marry?
Oct 11th 2012 new

catholic match is still the real world sometimes even more so .

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Andrew-674389 said: I’ve often found that many girls have an attraction towards “the bad boys.”
(Quote) Andrew-674389 said:

I’ve often found that many girls have an attraction towards “the bad boys.”

--hide--


The "bad boy" presses two important buttons in the feminine psyche:


The first is the maternal instinct. The hurting bad boy excites all the motherly urges. They see the masculine strength (item 2 below) and the terrible pain he's in. This excites a desire to nurture his potential as her masculine counterpart/mate.


The second is the untamed element and brute strength of the bad boy is very attractive. Compared to the nice little nebbishes she regularly endures, the bad boy has exciting and titillating elements of danger and raw masculinity which act as a compelling magnet for her affections. Liberated as they are, women also have a powerful urge to be dominated and protected by the man they love. For this and other reasons, I often say that women have not much evolved, in a moral sense, since the end of the neolithic era. Talk about a paradox! This is something they often (and rightly) rebel against, but the compulsion to submit is as strong as the need to rebel and establish their own independence. This is why so many women senselessly tend to yo-yo the poor guys they love: Come here, Get away! Come here, Get away! etc. Unless he's been in a monastery or living in his mother's house for all of his adult life, every guy who reads this will recognize that annoyingly feminine behavior.


Look at James Dean. He's the beau ideal of the hurting bad boy whom women just adore. Watch "Rebel Without a Cause". Take a good look at Natalie Wood's compulsive attraction to James Dean. he satisfies her needs to mother and to be dominated/protected. This film perfectly illustrates what I'm trying to describe above.



Oct 11th 2012 new

What can I say?


Women like feral men. It excites them. They're wired that way.


Many take the safe route and marry a nebbish in order to dominate him but, in their heart of hearts, they crave a strong (and mischieviously brutish) man.

Oct 11th 2012 new

youtu.be

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) William-527364 said: Andy: Nice try dude. So you are the real good boy that keeps missing the boat. Work ...
(Quote) William-527364 said:

Andy:


Nice try dude. So you are the real good boy that keeps missing the boat. Work on yoour introduction a bit. A walk to remember, My walk was with 9-12 other dudes and i was in charge and responsible for getting them back alive. We were in the jungle of Vietrnam and i was very well trained but only 20. I guess you might say we were the bad boys. Bad to the bone. We mean jusst what we say, we were stable, honest, trusting dudes that just went to work a different way. We did not crave attraction, medals, or attention but sometimes got lots of that. If you meet some one than feel you have to change them what are you really doing, trying to make them into someone else. Not accepting who you met in the first place. As a group We never bragged about what we did or the training we had, we just did good work. We were paragons of truth. A woman does not want someone she can bend around her finger or control with her gestures. And, just maybe that puts some dudes at a disadvantage. You got the whole Christan thing a bit wrong Dude! Just think about that a bit. We walk and talk by example. We can walk the walk and talk the talk. Anything else is showing off. A mature man does not need to change a woman he wants to be with.

If you lack excitement, then just do it. Jump out of planes, scuba dive, white water canoe, mountain climb, repel. Its just a means of getting to a place. Its going to work, but you jump out of planes. Life is about friends and friend ships, nature and the thrill of exploring and seeing new things. Nobody get out of this place alive. Why spend time trying to change the people you meet. Sounds like an big waste of time. And, why whine about excitement go do some and find a better way to peddle you wears. You started off OK-movies arnt real but jumping from 3000ft. is and its a nice view. Life is not in TV its outside. faults, I still have a loaded 45 next to my bed. Good Luck dude ! Bill;





--hide--


Bill - I think you hit a home run here about Andy's question with your thoughtful and instructive guidance.

Yes, "if you lack excitement, then just do it." Totally agree.

Thank you, also, for serving our country and defending our freedom.

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: Wow just did this subject. My opinion only, but women don't like "...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:


Wow just did this subject. My opinion only, but women don't like "nice guys." I have seen it in my own life and first hand. Quick story, my ex-wife and I were friends with a Protestant pastor and his wife Valerie, and Valerie is a deeply devout Christian woman, as sweet and quiet as can be. She told us when she first went out on a date with her husband Jay, that she didn't really like him that much. This guy kind of reminds you of Richtie Cunningham from Happy Days. She said that she thought he was a "nice guy" but really boring.


On their third date Val was going to tell Jay that she wasn't going to see him anymore because she liked another guy who was far more "exciting and outgoing." When Jay picked Val up he told her that he had to stop by and look at a 1957 Chevie at a friend's house he was considering buying the car. He coaxed Val to go with him and they took the car for a test drive. Val was bored and wanted to tell Jay that she wasn't going to go out with him anymore and at that second she was thinking about it, Jay slammed the pedal to the metal and burned out up the street getting the car up to 90 miles an hour. Val looked at Jay and said, "What are you doing? Jay said, "I have to make sure the thing has got some guts and can move before I buy it."


That was it, Val fell in love with him at that moment realizing he had some "sand in his pants" as she put it. 100 percent true story. I have never forgotten when she told my ex-wife and I that.


Keith

--hide--


Awesome story! Makes the point.

Reminds me of local friends here. She had dated him a couple of times. They went on a date with him to a movie. The movie - from what both have told me over the years - was horribly produced. He looked at her and said, "Let's get out of here and go somewhere else. We shouldn't be wasting our time here." It's the moment she fell in love with him. She has often recalled that her feeling was, "I found my man."

Oct 11th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: The "bad boy" presses two important buttons in the feminine psyche:
(Quote) David-364112 said:


The "bad boy" presses two important buttons in the feminine psyche:


The first is the maternal instinct. The hurting bad boy excites all the motherly urges. They see the masculine strength (item 2 below) and the terrible pain he's in. This excites a desire to nurture his potential as her masculine counterpart/mate.


The second is the untamed element and brute strength of the bad boy is very attractive. Compared to the nice little nebbishes she regularly endures, the bad boy has exciting and titillating elements of danger and raw masculinity which act as a compelling magnet for her affections. Liberated as they are, women also have a powerful urge to be dominated and protected by the man they love. For this and other reasons, I often say that women have not much evolved, in a moral sense, since the end of the neolithic era. Talk about a paradox! This is something they often (and rightly) rebel against, but the compulsion to submit is as strong as the need to rebel and establish their own independence. This is why so many women senselessly tend to yo-yo the poor guys they love: Come here, Get away! Come here, Get away! etc. Unless he's been in a monastery or living in his mother's house for all of his adult life, every guy who reads this will recognize that annoyingly feminine behavior.


Look at James Dean. He's the beau ideal of the hurting bad boy whom women just adore. Watch "Rebel Without a Cause". Take a good look at Natalie Wood's compulsive attraction to James Dean. he satisfies her needs to mother and to be dominated/protected. This film perfectly illustrates what I'm trying to describe above.



--hide--
David, you've hit the nail on the head here. I for one am NOT afraid to stand up proudly and acknowledge that fact that I like the "Bad Boy". I'll take a "Manly Man" any day over a "Mamby Pamby". I'm one woman who believes in being dominated (within reason) and protected by her man. I have NO desire to emasculate a MAN!!

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