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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

09/15/2012 new
(Quote) Jeanette-711394 said: I agree that some people don't see the value of an annullment if no marriage is in the near future. My p...
(Quote) Jeanette-711394 said:

I agree that some people don't see the value of an annullment if no marriage is in the near future. My pastor informed me that in the eyes of the church i was still married and could not have a relationship even if was non-sexual. I started my annullment process 6 months after the divorce. If it wasn't for that conversation with my pastor I would have waited. The thought of not receiving the Eucharist motivated to start the process. I was told that it helps you heal emotionally.

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Hi Jeanette, I'm not sure I understand. You can get the eucharist when divorced. Just not if you remarry without annullment. I hope you get the healing you seek. I had it before the annullment process. It's wonderful to not carry pain after divorce.
09/15/2012 new

(Quote) Joyce-844872 said: Patricia great topic. I just occasionally post, can't resist this one. Filing fo...
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said:


Patricia great topic. I just occasionally post, can't resist this one. Filing for a divorce was traumatizing emotionally, but once started had to be completed since it directly affects finances, property, and children on a daily basis.

I wasn't sure at the time of my divorce I would ever file for an annulment. My parish priest suggested we talk about it when I had time, it was 3 yrs later that we talked. What he most wanted me to understand was that the reflective nature of the process would have great value for me. I spent 3 months writing my responses, because it was difficult to see my marital details in print. The end result is being emotionally free and thus open to more life.

Logic is the reason not to date without an annulment at least filed. Divorce dissolves legal issues, annulment heals the I''ll leave it at that.

--hide--


Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing out the answers when I did my annullment, and I felt that it was a process that gave great closure to the relationship. I also did not find it a difficult process at all. It went smoothly, but did take about 15 months from start to finish. I so highly recommend this process to every Catholic who goes through a divorce, and definitely NOT to wait until they are in a relationship with someone as I think it adds unnecessary stresses to that relationship. How can one be focusing on growing a new relationship while also focusing on closing an old one (through the annullment process). It absolutely does not make any sense. I think when one goes through the annullment process, one then creates an opening in one's heart to be able to enter wholeheartedly into a new relationship with someone that could lead to marriage in the Church!

09/15/2012 new

(Quote) Keith-733524 said: In my case I had to have my ex-wife's baptismal certificate to do a "l...
(Quote) Keith-733524 said:

In my case I had to have my ex-wife's baptismal certificate to do a "lack of form" annulment and she refused to give it to me. I just found out a couple of days ago where she was baptized and it has been started.


I would say that since there is much that goes into a full anullment, that there is probably a lot of pain and old wounds that people are afraid of going through. In my case, a lack of form only takes a couple of weeks, but a full annullment can take years and be very painful.

That's my opinion. I think that we need to cut people some slack as this can be a very painful reminder of a bad divorce.


Keith

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Yes Keith I agree, it is a painful process. One of the best bits of advice I read while going through the writing phase was that it is best not to be establishing a new relationship while processing the old. After all, learn or repeat.

09/15/2012 new

In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my priest about starting with the annulment, he asked if there was someone I was waiting to marry. Of course, there wasn't, and he told me that if I didn't have plans for remarrying in the Church, it was a time-consuming and expensive process. He inferred it wasn't worth bothering about. Coming off of the emotions of a fresh divorce, remarrying was my last priority or concern at that point. I needed some time to just let it all sink in. Now that I am considering dating again, and certainly in the few weeks I have been on Catholic Match, I have realized that it is time to start the process. I understand it can take about a year to complete, if indeed it is granted. I am guessing others have had a similar experience, just needing time and perhaps more encouraging clergy.

09/15/2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing out the answers when I did my annullme...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing out the answers when I did my annullment, and I felt that it was a process that gave great closure to the relationship. I also did not find it a difficult process at all. It went smoothly, but did take about 15 months from start to finish. I so highly recommend this process to every Catholic who goes through a divorce, and definitely NOT to wait until they are in a relationship with someone as I think it adds unnecessary stresses to that relationship. How can one be focusing on growing a new relationship while also focusing on closing an old one (through the annullment process). It absolutely does not make any sense. I think when one goes through the annullment process, one then creates an opening in one's heart to be able to enter wholeheartedly into a new relationship with someone that could lead to marriage in the Church!

--hide--

Ditto that.

I tend to look at how long someone has been widowed or divorced to help gauge where they might be in the healing process. It takes time to know where your heart wants to be.

09/15/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-882509 said: In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my ...
(Quote) Kathy-882509 said:

In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my priest about starting with the annulment, he asked if there was someone I was waiting to marry. Of course, there wasn't, and he told me that if I didn't have plans for remarrying in the Church, it was a time-consuming and expensive process. He inferred it wasn't worth bothering about. Coming off of the emotions of a fresh divorce, remarrying was my last priority or concern at that point. I needed some time to just let it all sink in. Now that I am considering dating again, and certainly in the few weeks I have been on Catholic Match, I have realized that it is time to start the process. I understand it can take about a year to complete, if indeed it is granted. I am guessing others have had a similar experience, just needing time and perhaps more encouraging clergy.

--hide--
Hi Kathy, Compared to the cost of a divorce, the cost of seeking an annulment was minimal for me, i.e., less than $500. Cost of divorce was greater than $10,000!

09/15/2012 new
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: (Quote) Joyce-844872 said: Patricia great topic. I just occasionally post...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Quote:
Joyce-844872 said:


Patricia great topic. I just occasionally post, can't resist this one. Filing for a divorce was traumatizing emotionally, but once started had to be completed since it directly affects finances, property, and children on a daily basis.

I wasn't sure at the time of my divorce I would ever file for an annulment. My parish priest suggested we talk about it when I had time, it was 3 yrs later that we talked. What he most wanted me to understand was that the reflective nature of the process would have great value for me. I spent 3 months writing my responses, because it was difficult to see my marital details in print. The end result is being emotionally free and thus open to more life.

Logic is the reason not to date without an annulment at least filed. Divorce dissolves legal issues, annulment heals the I''ll leave it at that.




Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing out the answers when I did my annullment, and I felt that it was a process that gave great closure to the relationship. I also did not find it a difficult process at all. It went smoothly, but did take about 15 months from start to finish. I so highly recommend this process to every Catholic who goes through a divorce, and definitely NOT to wait until they are in a relationship with someone as I think it adds unnecessary stresses to that relationship. How can one be focusing on growing a new relationship while also focusing on closing an old one (through the annullment process). It absolutely does not make any sense. I think when one goes through the annullment process, one then creates an opening in one's heart to be able to enter wholeheartedly into a new relationship with someone that could lead to marriage in the Church!

--hide--
It makes sense when your already healed before the annullment process. I know it's hard to believe, especially for those who have not healed on their own, but when you truly forgive yourself and the other person...your freed from pain. No healing occurred while filling out my annullment papers, I was glad to tell the priest it took me only one night to fill out the answers, it was easy and it confirmed what I already knew...I forgave and I was healed. It took all my heart and soul to tell my ex that I had forgiven his infidelity, but I did that years ago. Pain free since then. So when my priest said to go ahead and date, I knew he was right, I was ready. I will never make the decision to marry someone in just one year. I feel like you need time and different life challenges to really get to know someone.
09/15/2012 new
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said: (Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing ou...
(Quote) Joyce-844872 said:

Quote:
Patricia-29176 said:



Hi Joyce, I totally agree. I spent weeks writing out the answers when I did my annullment, and I felt that it was a process that gave great closure to the relationship. I also did not find it a difficult process at all. It went smoothly, but did take about 15 months from start to finish. I so highly recommend this process to every Catholic who goes through a divorce, and definitely NOT to wait until they are in a relationship with someone as I think it adds unnecessary stresses to that relationship. How can one be focusing on growing a new relationship while also focusing on closing an old one (through the annullment process). It absolutely does not make any sense. I think when one goes through the annullment process, one then creates an opening in one's heart to be able to enter wholeheartedly into a new relationship with someone that could lead to marriage in the Church!


Ditto that.

I tend to look at how long someone has been widowed or divorced to help gauge where they might be in the healing process. It takes time to know where your heart wants to be.

--hide--
Hi Joyce. I'm not sure if time is the best indicator of healing. I find the best seems to be forgiveness...for yourself and the mistakes you made in the marriage and forgiveness for your ex. I understand that forgiveness seems to provide the best avenue for healing, but it can be the hardest thing to put into practice. Some people are still in pain ten years after divorce because they cannot forgive. Instead of avoiding these people, I tend to gravitate toward them, if even just in friendship. Anything I can do to help them forgive is important.
09/15/2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-882509 said: In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my ...
(Quote) Kathy-882509 said:

In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my priest about starting with the annulment, he asked if there was someone I was waiting to marry. Of course, there wasn't, and he told me that if I didn't have plans for remarrying in the Church, it was a time-consuming and expensive process. He inferred it wasn't worth bothering about. Coming off of the emotions of a fresh divorce, remarrying was my last priority or concern at that point. I needed some time to just let it all sink in. Now that I am considering dating again, and certainly in the few weeks I have been on Catholic Match, I have realized that it is time to start the process. I understand it can take about a year to complete, if indeed it is granted. I am guessing others have had a similar experience, just needing time and perhaps more encouraging clergy.

--hide--

Hi Kathy. I am sorry your priest didn't seize the opportunity to guide you in the healing process so that now you are feeling ready to date the annulment would be behind you.......The key element is ta Olympics gangster cool king the time to openly tell your matrial story. My priest took one look at mine and said no problem. I spent the year busily working and exploring my adventuresome side as an individual. pirate note

09/15/2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: (Quote) Kathy-882509 said: In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divo...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:

Quote:
Kathy-882509 said:

In my case, my ex-husband and I separated in 2007. My divorce was final in 2010. When I asked my priest about starting with the annulment, he asked if there was someone I was waiting to marry. Of course, there wasn't, and he told me that if I didn't have plans for remarrying in the Church, it was a time-consuming and expensive process. He inferred it wasn't worth bothering about. Coming off of the emotions of a fresh divorce, remarrying was my last priority or concern at that point. I needed some time to just let it all sink in. Now that I am considering dating again, and certainly in the few weeks I have been on Catholic Match, I have realized that it is time to start the process. I understand it can take about a year to complete, if indeed it is granted. I am guessing others have had a similar experience, just needing time and perhaps more encouraging clergy.


Hi Kathy, Compared to the cost of a divorce, the cost of seeking an annulment was minimal for me, i.e., less than $500. Cost of divorce was greater than $10,000!

--hide--
10,000? Ouch!
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