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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Tara-539245 said: A childhood friend recently told me something that hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm a...
(Quote) Tara-539245 said:

A childhood friend recently told me something that hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm a very involved aunt, and I feel I need to be there for them a lot (I know I haven't shared that really). She said she thinks I'm not married yet because God wants me to be what I am to them instead of having a family of my own to be preoccupied with. It still makes me think a lot. That had never crossed my mind before.

--hide--


Tara, funny you should write what your friend said ... a lady whom I think of as a 2nd mother, said the same exact thing to me this summer before I returned to Singapore for the school year. She worded it as, "God gives you a whole new batch of children each school year and each summer to care for, guide, teach, and give all your love to ......... maybe your vocation is truly as a teacher and the best auntie in the world ...." and many more wise words of wisdom that I had not thought of before either. We will just trust in the Lord ... only He knows what our future holds!

Sep 17th 2012 new

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Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...


What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?


I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?


Thank you!

--hide--
Admirable clap Gold Medal pope theheart


I would think with true love it should not matter if you have children or not.

Sep 18th 2012 new

Thank you all for your sound advice! It is a few years away, but something I definitely pray about. Thank you, again! You have given me much food for thought!

Sep 18th 2012 new

Parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. I am a single mom to a six and a half year old boy. You can make it work if you have the right balance of a healthy routine, strong support system (very very key) and an endless amount of energy and love. Being an excellent multi-tasker is essential.

Are you ready to be nurse, doctor, teacher, chef, babysitter, taxi driver, money machine, maid, mental and spiritual counselor, referee, social director, disciplarian, trainer, etc??? Are you ready to do this 24/7? Are you ready to do this on top of cleaning the house, cooking the meals, keeping up the yard, paying the bills, etc and working full time which in itself demands so much from you? These are hard questions and there is no easy answer. For a single parent, many of your days will be overwhelming and daunting. You will not fully understand how hard those things are until you live that everyday. However, anything is possible with God’s grace and blessing. I live each day in the moment and try to simplify our lives as much as possible. You just really need to weigh your pro’s and con’s list very carefully in your decision.

I will also tell you that I could not do this if I did not have the wonderful support system in my mom and my family. They allow me to take a break every once in awhile and re-energize myself, allow me to vent when needed and to help guide me with my decisions in raising him, etc. They have become my partner. If you have this in place, you can make anything work.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I wonder how did I ever get through this one? Then I go in and kiss the top of my little boy’s forehead goodnight, and realize ‘we did good today’. His unconditional love is what sustains me and makes it ALL worthwhile.

Sep 18th 2012 new
Adoption, great! Many posts here have brought up a number of things to consider, so I won't re-hash. But fostering? I know there is a need for this, but do your research. My cousin has done this, and there have been some problems. Behavioral with the child, and issues with state oversight. You likely won't be able to discipline as you see fit, for one. What you might refuse a child to have or do may become issues. You would be micro-managed, so to speak. Speaking for myself; if I'm raising a child, it will be by my rules and methods, not the state's.
Sep 18th 2012 new

Nancy,
Very good question. Being a foster parent is much different than adopting. Some of the children in foster settings really come from troubled environments. God Bless you for being willing to do it as these children need people like you. Just realize what you're getting into. As for adopting, just realize that long term single parenting is very difficult. Resources and a support system are a must and shouldn't be underestimated. But as far as being single and a parent, many people do it and are good at it. Sounds like you would be a good candidate.


More power to you...I don't think its taking you off the marriage market...quite the contrary...it shows you both practice and live your faith but serving those who need help.

Good luck!

-J

Sep 18th 2012 new
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her m...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...






What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?






I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?




Thank you!

--hide--


Nancy,

If your heart pulls you toward being a Foster parent or adopting a child, the right man will love you for this beautiful gift.
Sep 19th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...


What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?


I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?


Thank you!

--hide--
By now you've had a chance to see some pros and cons. It's a noble act, to be sure (either adopting or foster parenting). The rewards are great -- so are the sacrifices. It CAN work with the right disposition, attitude and fortitude. It does require a lot of thought though -- and prayer to discern.

Sep 19th 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-879783 said: Parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. I am a single mom to a six and a half year old b...
(Quote) Donna-879783 said:

Parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. I am a single mom to a six and a half year old boy. You can make it work if you have the right balance of a healthy routine, strong support system (very very key) and an endless amount of energy and love. Being an excellent multi-tasker is essential.

Are you ready to be nurse, doctor, teacher, chef, babysitter, taxi driver, money machine, maid, mental and spiritual counselor, referee, social director, disciplarian, trainer, etc??? Are you ready to do this 24/7? Are you ready to do this on top of cleaning the house, cooking the meals, keeping up the yard, paying the bills, etc and working full time which in itself demands so much from you? These are hard questions and there is no easy answer. For a single parent, many of your days will be overwhelming and daunting. You will not fully understand how hard those things are until you live that everyday. However, anything is possible with God’s grace and blessing. I live each day in the moment and try to simplify our lives as much as possible. You just really need to weigh your pro’s and con’s list very carefully in your decision.

I will also tell you that I could not do this if I did not have the wonderful support system in my mom and my family. They allow me to take a break every once in awhile and re-energize myself, allow me to vent when needed and to help guide me with my decisions in raising him, etc. They have become my partner. If you have this in place, you can make anything work.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I wonder how did I ever get through this one? Then I go in and kiss the top of my little boy’s forehead goodnight, and realize ‘we did good today’. His unconditional love is what sustains me and makes it ALL worthwhile.

--hide--


Donna,

Excellent post. I agree and can relate to everything you stated. Being a good parent is a very hard job.

Blessings, Praying hug rose

Leon

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