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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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Sep 23rd 2012 new

As Donna is saying and especially Leon and Ray also mentioned it is great of you and a heroic act, but I think that no one from this dating site has chosen to be a single parent. IT IS TOUGH! You not only have to be mother, but also overtake the paternal role and be a friend as well.

Since about 12 years I raise my children on my own and did so even within the partnership of their father who I stayed with for more than 25 years. During that time my parents had been a great help. But since 2000 I am all alone on the bringing up part. In this time my boys were 11 and 6 and I deliberately choose not to date in that time but be there for them only, besides my job and besides the fact that the thought of a new man was a "no go" for me - not my vocation in that time.

Today my boys are 23 and almost 17 and I think I did a pretty good job - thanks to God theheart! Parent one is forever ...

(Quote) Donna-879783 said: Parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. I am a single mom to a six and a half year old b...
(Quote) Donna-879783 said:

Parenting is the hardest job you will ever love. I am a single mom to a six and a half year old boy. You can make it work if you have the right balance of a healthy routine, strong support system (very very key) and an endless amount of energy and love. Being an excellent multi-tasker is essential.

Are you ready to be nurse, doctor, teacher, chef, babysitter, taxi driver, money machine, maid, mental and spiritual counselor, referee, social director, disciplarian, trainer, etc??? Are you ready to do this 24/7? Are you ready to do this on top of cleaning the house, cooking the meals, keeping up the yard, paying the bills, etc and working full time which in itself demands so much from you? These are hard questions and there is no easy answer. For a single parent, many of your days will be overwhelming and daunting. You will not fully understand how hard those things are until you live that everyday. However, anything is possible with God’s grace and blessing. I live each day in the moment and try to simplify our lives as much as possible. You just really need to weigh your pro’s and con’s list very carefully in your decision.

I will also tell you that I could not do this if I did not have the wonderful support system in my mom and my family. They allow me to take a break every once in awhile and re-energize myself, allow me to vent when needed and to help guide me with my decisions in raising him, etc. They have become my partner. If you have this in place, you can make anything work.

Sometimes at the end of the day, I wonder how did I ever get through this one? Then I go in and kiss the top of my little boy’s forehead goodnight, and realize ‘we did good today’. His unconditional love is what sustains me and makes it ALL worthwhile.

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Sep 23rd 2012 new

As Ray said, there are excellent points here, for and against. There are women here who have chosen to be single parents, and I have met several others through the years. With my daughter, single parenting was the only choice. I made the mistake of not waiting and God loved me anyway and gave me a child. Raising a child on my own presented multiple challenges. The biggest part about not having someone to share things with was not the hard days. The hardest part was having no one to share the good stuff with: the first step, the first word, the prayer, the really amazing way that my daughter showed that she had no prejudice in kindergarten.


That being said, people still choose. There was one woman here, not too long ago, that was a foster mother of three boys - she may have adopted them (my memory is not perfect). She wouldn't trade it for anything. I worked with a woman who was in the process of adopting two special needs children. She was 40, had a Ph.D in education, was teaching college, was a devout christian, but had not met a man she wanted to share her life with. She chose girls with special medical needs - one needed heart surgery - and never looked back. As an educator, with a minor in psychology, she was completely equipped to provide all the love and care that those girls needed. Her large extended family was more than able to provide ample examples of solid marriages and male role models.


I am currently finishing my education (yeah, I was Mom years ago vs. student). I have played around with the idea of fostering/adopting older children for several years. As a young woman, I expected to be like Michelle Duggar. God saw a different way for me. By coming here, the idea again surfaced and I received LOTS of really great feedback. I have spent some time going through our local hope list, and realized that I was not only interested in older children, but that a family group of two or three would probably be a very good fit for me. I took the idea to my daughter who said, "You'll be GREAT! You're an excellent mom." My divorce attorney spent five years working with DSS and continues to do guardian work with a lot of these kids. Her answer, "Oh YEAH!!! You will be amazing. When did you want to start, I'll make some phone calls."


Single parenting is NOT easy. It is not for the faint of heart at all. The rewards...immeasurable!! The love increases exponentially. It is said that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies those who answer His call. If you feel He is calling you to motherhood, by all means answer. He will provide you with all that you need to be succesful. God bless you and please keep us posted!! heart smile


Sep 23rd 2012 new
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her m...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...






What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?






I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?




Thank you!

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Sep 27th 2012 new

Go for it girl!

Sep 30th 2012 new
Being a single parent is not easy, and support systems are so helpful, but I am not sure anyone has really talked in this thread about how rewarding it is to be a Mom. In my opinion, the rewards far far outweigh the struggles. I love my kids so very much, and they are grown young men now... Nothing will erase the memories of them growing up or the love we share. God will bless you every step of the way (either way...). Good luck, and continue praying.

PS... I did know a woman that adopted a 12 year old son, and loved every minute of their lives together...
Sep 30th 2012 new

Nancy, as a pre-step to all of this, why not become a Big Sister (Big Brother/Big Sister program)? Depending on where the program is located, you might be matched with someone like my kids...from a stable but single-parent home, Christian (Catholic) based, and overall, doing well. My two youngest are in the program and it's great. Just a thought....

Oct 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: My initial impression is that children are best raised in a traditional family setting (i.e., husba...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

My initial impression is that children are best raised in a traditional family setting (i.e., husband and wife). With foster children, the situation can be different. There is typically a shortage of foster parents, so the children can be bounced around, never growing roots in a family setting. Considering foster children can be a noble idea, depending upon whose needs are being satisfied. Many people today are viewing children as a commodity, with the attitude, "I want one". The primary reason for becoming a foster parent in these cases is to satisfy their own needs instead of finding what's best for the children. One can become a foster parent for the wrong reason.

With adoption, there are difficulties as a single parent. That parents needs to fulfill the roles of both mother and father, while it is difficult to fufill only one of the roles. There is the added problem of adjustment, depending upon how old the child is. Past infancy this could be a realistic added problem to deal with.

I think a person needs to truly examine his/her desire to have children. The children should be the primary focus. In a stable environment, a single parent can be extremely helpful in nurturing a child. To be interested in becomming a foster parent or adoptive parent is a noble cause. But, putting the child's needs first, adoption is best considered after other placement possibilities aren't feasible.

Would taking in a foster child or adopting squelch your dating life and possible future romance? It could. Some people are able to see beyond that and your having a child would phase them. Others would bail out. A lot of guys enjoy children. It shouldn't be a major issue for te right type of person.

Before bringing a child into your household, do some research (public library) about the subject. Your personal motives need to be explored, plus you have to be willing to sacrifice your limited social time to devote to a youngster. It's not an easy road to follow, and we hope you have some support among your friends and family members that live close to her.

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You raise all of the good points. I have been a single mother for 4 years now. I have my children full-time. It is not easy. I don't get much sleep and I have no social life (aside from doing things with friends in family groups). I am active in my church and I have friends who get date nights with their spouse and really do wish that could be me sometimes. Personal loss aside, here are other things I have seen...


Parents in our community who stop going to church because they do not know how to teach their children to be there. Single parents who do not follow good, Christian dating practices because they feel the need for companionship. People who judge me just because of what my life looks like on the outside. All of these things can damage the children in a home (even those with two parents).


I am not saying a single parent cannot do a good job. I think they can. But keep in mind that it is a major sacrifice. You are giving up yourself for your kids.

Oct 11th 2012 new
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her m...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...






What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?






I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?




Thank you!

--hide--


God Bless anyone who can raise a child on their own. I wish I could do it but can hardly take care of

myself!!

I say go for it if you can. Giving a child a home is such a blessing for that child even if it is not the perfect situation without two parents.
Oct 15th 2012 new

Frankly, IMHO, there are two sides to that coin. First, sure, it will take you off the "menu" for some guys. There's just no way around that. BUT,
the guys who still have you on their "menu" after/if you do that? Well, they are going to be pretty special. I'd rather have one of those any day than a guy who wouldn't date you if you did it.

Nov 9th 2012 new

I am a single mom by choice and my son came to me through adoption. I always thought that I would marry and have many children, however when I was approaching my late 30's with no serious relationship in site, I decided that I could make my dream of becoming a mother a reality. Has it been hard, YES, is it the best thing that has ever happened to me, YES. I did a lot of research on both foster care and adoption and I choice to go with an agency, whom said I would have to wait since I was a single woman, however my son was born and with me only six weeks after I signed with the agency, so I feel it was meant to be. It is not always easy and for the last 10 years I have devoted myself to him, however it does make dating or even thinking about a relationship very difficult. I am just now realizing that I miss that and am trying to get back into the dating world. I hope to make some new friends here.

So my advise, if you feel strong about being a mom, or a parent in general go for it. Make your dreams come true, it is so worth it!!!

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