Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
Learn More: Saint Rita

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: So, a question for all... What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

So, a question for all...


What are your thoughts on a single woman in her mid-30s taking in foster children or possibly adopting children?


I ask because I am praying about it. I have a strong motherhood drive and would like children. Making every effort to live my faith, obviously, I will not be having biological children unless I marry. If marriage is not in a woman's future, yet she desires motherhood, should/could she be open to fostering or adopting? (Given, of course, that she is finacially stable and has family/community to help her as needed.) Thoughts? I would love to know what older men and women, especially parents, think about this. Would doing this in the future effectively "take me off the marriage market"?


Thank you!

--hide--


Hi, Nancy,

Desiring motherhood is only natural.

However, it is not natural to a human being to have children outside of the moral order established by God in the beginning. It doesn't matter if you adopt them or beget them.

Fostering children is something else, I think, as long as it is a temporary situation due to extenuating circumstances, since it could fall under a corporal work of mercy.

The fact is, that single motherhood, no matter the source of the children, sets the mother up as the head of the household, which is contrary to the moral order presented in Catholic doctrine. I also believe strongly that if you adopt children before marriage, you have taken yourself off the market by saying basically you do not need any man in order to live the life you want to live, since you can procure all the children you desire without him.

11/11/2012 new

Chelsea,

I disagree with everything you said. I do respect your opinion though but believe me you are still young and the urge to be a mother gets very strong, at least it did for me. My son is very well adjusted and a happy child, why should we have been denied this happiness just because I adopted him? I know that God put him in my path and I was always meant to be his mother, just because I didn't give birth to him doesn't matter, God blessed me with him. If I am meant to live a life, which I don't think is true without a husband but being a mother, I choose that. To say that it is unnatural for me and my son to live as a family, you can't be more wrong.

11/11/2012 new

(Quote) Nora-914810 said: Chelsea,I disagree with everything you said. I do respect your opinion though but believe ...
(Quote) Nora-914810 said:

Chelsea,

I disagree with everything you said. I do respect your opinion though but believe me you are still young and the urge to be a mother gets very strong, at least it did for me. My son is very well adjusted and a happy child, why should we have been denied this happiness just because I adopted him? I know that God put him in my path and I was always meant to be his mother, just because I didn't give birth to him doesn't matter, God blessed me with him. If I am meant to live a life, which I don't think is true without a husband but being a mother, I choose that. To say that it is unnatural for me and my son to live as a family, you can't be more wrong.

--hide--


By adopting your boy into single motherhood, you are deliberately depriving him of a father...and making the public statement that he has no need of a father, and you have no need of a husband in order to raise a good son. If you have no need of a husband to support you in your office of mother (which is what the word Matrimony in fact means), then why are you seeking one?

You may not like the consequences of what I'm saying, but it's the truth. Never in any other age has it been possible for a single woman either to live alone or to adopt children into single motherhood. Just because it's possible to do it now, doesn't make it morally good. There are lots of acts that the US society praises and supports as possible to do that are grave moral evils, such as assuming a homosexual conjugal life, murder of the unborn, serial divorce and remarriage, assuming conjugal life proper to marriage before marriage, etc.

It is not natural for a woman either to beget children or to procure them outside of marriage, whether her desires for children are strong or not. We are, after all, human beings with the ability to consider the morality of actions to which our desires prod us...and often, due to original sin, our desires prod us to what is contrary to the moral order (a good reason why feelings or passions should never be used to "judge" anything).

It's up to you what you're going to believe...and I hope you find what you seek in life.

11/11/2012 new

What year do you live in? And you have no clue what type of male influences my son has in his life, just because he does not have a father under roof does not mean that he doesn't have positive male role models in his life. Not that I have to answer your question, but I am not here to find a father for my son and I don't need a husband, or for that matter a man in my life to be happy. Do I want a man in my life, yes. There is a big difference perhaps you don't know that yet. I think we are going to have to just leave this alone and say that we disagree, I refuse to be ugly or say things that will put you down. Believe what you believe, I know what I know....

Thy shall not judge....

11/12/2012 new

I have ignored your backwoods posts before, but you are WAY out of line! There are MANY children growing up with one parent through NO fault of the remaining parent. Should those children be removed from their natural parent and be given to two parent households? What is to stop God from calling one of THEM home?? Do you shift said children again?

Alternate scenario, woman is raped. She is devout and chooses to have and raise the child God gave her. Should she be shunned and/or maligned for choosing to follow God's plan for her? Without a doubt, you would crucify her if she chose to abort.

In this century, THOUSANDS of children sit in foster care waiting for homes that will never come. Once they leave the 'cute' toddler stage they are TOLD they will never have a family. They turn 18 and have no family. According to your views, they should sit there and rot rather than be adopted by a single mother who has the resources, and above all the love, to give them a forever family. That sounds about ignorant.

Finally, go back to you bible. God chose Mary to be an unwed mother in a time that could have caused her death. Obviously there is something to be taken from that. He chose a single woman... think about that for a while.

If our heavenly Father admonishes us to care for the orphans and widows, who are YOU to tell us that it is improper and against the LAW of God?

11/12/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: I have ignored your backwoods posts before, but you are WAY out of line! There are MANY child...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

I have ignored your backwoods posts before, but you are WAY out of line! There are MANY children growing up with one parent through NO fault of the remaining parent. Should those children be removed from their natural parent and be given to two parent households? What is to stop God from calling one of THEM home?? Do you shift said children again?

Alternate scenario, woman is raped. She is devout and chooses to have and raise the child God gave her. Should she be shunned and/or maligned for choosing to follow God's plan for her? Without a doubt, you would crucify her if she chose to abort.

In this century, THOUSANDS of children sit in foster care waiting for homes that will never come. Once they leave the 'cute' toddler stage they are TOLD they will never have a family. They turn 18 and have no family. According to your views, they should sit there and rot rather than be adopted by a single mother who has the resources, and above all the love, to give them a forever family. That sounds about ignorant.

Finally, go back to you bible. God chose Mary to be an unwed mother in a time that could have caused her death. Obviously there is something to be taken from that. He chose a single woman... think about that for a while.

If our heavenly Father admonishes us to care for the orphans and widows, who are YOU to tell us that it is improper and against the LAW of God?

--hide--

Hi, AnneMarie,
Your questioning and commentary is not only off point, in places it is plain erroneous.

There is a HUGE gulf between the deliberate commission of an evil action, and the toleration of an evil.

*A widowed woman can in good conscience bear with the loss of a husband and raise the children God has given her. The loss of her husband is not her choice. Raising her children on her own is not her choice, but rather she tolerates it since it is the primary part of the vocation she consented to when she contracted marriage.

*A woman who is abused by rape, conceives a child and later gives birth can bear in good conscience the raising of the child God has given her. It is not by her choice that she has conceived and borne a child, but rather the good outcome God gives to the evil act she suffered. It would be a tremendous evil for her to murder such a child.

You are in plain error regarding Our Lady. She was espoused to Joseph at the time she conceived Our Lord, which meant that she was technically married to Joseph. If that was not the case, then St. Joseph would not have been called her husband, nor she his wife. Neither would Joseph have thought of "putting her away," since if she was not his wife, she would not have been yet "taken/accepted" by him as his wife.

This is not the case with Nora as she publicly professed: "I am a single mom by choice and my son came to me through adoption." Neither did she conceive a child through rape, nor did she inherit children by being widowed. She chose to procure a child into single motherhood by deliberate action.

As I stated previously, I believe fostering children could well be done as a corporal work of mercy, obviously, by a single woman. Adoption, however, into single motherhood as far as I can see is no better in effect than begetting a child by fornication in to single motherhood. It is a violent act which deprives a child of a stable family life and both a mother and father. It is manifesting the same evil which occurs when a child is procured by two homosexual partners.

Back to your example of the conception of Our Lord: if a child has no need of an earthly father, but only the Father in heaven, then St. Joseph would not have been provided as either an earthly father of Our Lord, nor a husband to Our Lady BEFORE Our Lord was conceived.

If you think it is not important for a child to have both a mother and a father who are espoused to one another according to the divine institution which is marriage, perhaps you should review the Church's teaching on chaste wedlock...for example in the Encyclicals Casti Connubii and Arcanum .

11/12/2012 new

(Quote) Chelsea-743484 said: Hi, AnneMarie,Your questioning and commentary is not only off point, in places it ...
(Quote) Chelsea-743484 said:

Hi, AnneMarie,
Your questioning and commentary is not only off point, in places it is plain erroneous.

There is a HUGE gulf between the deliberate commission of an evil action, and the toleration of an evil.

*A widowed woman can in good conscience bear with the loss of a husband and raise the children God has given her. The loss of her husband is not her choice. Raising her children on her own is not her choice, but rather she tolerates it since it is the primary part of the vocation she consented to when she contracted marriage.

*A woman who is abused by rape, conceives a child and later gives birth can bear in good conscience the raising of the child God has given her. It is not by her choice that she has conceived and borne a child, but rather the good outcome God gives to the evil act she suffered. It would be a tremendous evil for her to murder such a child.

You are in plain error regarding Our Lady. She was espoused to Joseph at the time she conceived Our Lord, which meant that she was technically married to Joseph. If that was not the case, then St. Joseph would not have been called her husband, nor she his wife. Neither would Joseph have thought of "putting her away," since if she was not his wife, she would not have been yet "taken/accepted" by him as his wife.

This is not the case with Nora as she publicly professed: "I am a single mom by choice and my son came to me through adoption." Neither did she conceive a child through rape, nor did she inherit children by being widowed. She chose to procure a child into single motherhood by deliberate action.

As I stated previously, I believe fostering children could well be done as a corporal work of mercy, obviously, by a single woman. Adoption, however, into single motherhood as far as I can see is no better in effect than begetting a child by fornication in to single motherhood. It is a violent act which deprives a child of a stable family life and both a mother and father. It is manifesting the same evil which occurs when a child is procured by two homosexual partners.

Back to your example of the conception of Our Lord: if a child has no need of an earthly father, but only the Father in heaven, then St. Joseph would not have been provided as either an earthly father of Our Lord, nor a husband to Our Lady BEFORE Our Lord was conceived.

If you think it is not important for a child to have both a mother and a father who are espoused to one another according to the divine institution which is marriage, perhaps you should review the Church's teaching on chaste wedlock...for example in the Encyclicals Casti Connubii and Arcanum .

--hide--

Thoughtful post. I am of the same mind and noticed the faulty logic but could not have crafted such a knowledgeable post. Clearly there are two camps here with heartfelt and valid posts on both sides. The OP asked for opinions and experiences. I am not a fan of unmarried women becoming mothers. Adoption seems like the most noble course and I suppose one parent is better than none.

I can think of more times when there was not a successful outcome than when there is. The statistics and anecdotal evidence bears this out and there will always be exceptions. I raised two young men on my own. It was tough on me and it was tough on them. I can't recommend it.

11/12/2012 new

Your intelligence is noted, lack of compassion noted. I agree to disagree with you. I am the product of a single parent household. I raised my daughter alone. I will adopt as I feel that a permanent single parent home is more beneficial to any child than the temporary foster care system. We agree to disagree. Have a lovely day.

11/12/2012 new

Tough or not, you did it. Tell me about your boys. Did being raised in a single parent household destroy them, or should you have given them to a two parent household 'for their own good?'

The questions are rhetorical. We are all entitled to our own opinions, faulty logic and all. Have a blessed day.

11/12/2012 new

(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said: Your intelligence is noted, lack of compassion noted. I agree to disagree with you. I am the ...
(Quote) AnneMarie-641597 said:

Your intelligence is noted, lack of compassion noted. I agree to disagree with you. I am the product of a single parent household. I raised my daughter alone. I will adopt as I feel that a permanent single parent home is more beneficial to any child than the temporary foster care system. We agree to disagree. Have a lovely day.

--hide--

AnneMarie,

It's probably good that you get these statements out in the open so that men can discern you.

This one in particular: " I will adopt as I feel that a permanent single parent home is more beneficial to any child than the temporary foster care system."

If you're going to procure a child based upon "feelings," which "feelings" human experience and Church teaching on original sin shows are neither rational nor accurate, then you're merely setting yourself up and that child as well for a lot of heartache. The basis of being human is being rational. If you're going to give that up to live your life based upon feelings, then you're a very dangerous person.

I wish you well in life...and hope you reconsider your current position. Take care.

Posts 31 - 40 of 60