Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
Learn More: Saint Rita

Mar 17th 2013 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said:...a close relative of mine who was a single mom for a while, and I remember how incredibly difficult it ...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:...a close relative of mine who was a single mom for a while, and I remember how incredibly difficult it was for her to be a single parent.
--hide--

I was widowed with five kids under 13. Single parenthood stinks. Anyone who can take it on voluntarily is a saint, IMHO.

Mar 17th 2013 new

A week ago, my son asked me after church, "Mom, why can't we have a better family?" My son, at 13, saw that "better families" had both a mother and a father.

I reminded my son that sometimes God has another plan in mind--and that sometimes he wants us to have healthy, nurturing families, not perfect families. It is "better" to be in a family where the children are loved by an adult--whether Father or Mother or an adopted parent. Whether that parent is a physical parent or our Heavently Father or Mary our Mother.

With that said, being a single parent since my children were 1 and 3, I can tell you, it is not an easy life. There will be many sacrafices and joys. To decide to make this decision is one which requires a lot of prayer. I have found the rosary to be especially helpful and may provide the insight and direction God wants you to take. Attend Adoration, if available, as it will also provide an opportunity to discern Gods will for you. I may also recommend a retreat (silent or guided) as well.

As for making this decision while looking for a husband; I have found the right partner will be provided and revealed to you by God when the time is right regardless of children--if that is God's call for you.

I will pray for you during your discernment process. I will also pray for all of the other single parents out there--God has placed his children into our care--not because we provide a "better" family, but because we provide a the opportunity to show our love and obedience to God's will. God will provide our every need and desire for our families. God bless to each of you.

Mar 19th 2013 new

Hi Nancy,


I am a single mom of a 6 and a half year old boy. I work as a full time pediatric endocrinologist (diabetes, obesity, growth, puberty, thyroid). I dont have family in the US. Somehow, I managed to read all 6 pages of answers to your post last night:-) I totally agree with Donna' s post:-) You will have to juggle many different things 24/7. But, it seems that the idea of adoption or foster care has been on your mind for a while.
It may actually be God calling you to serve children who need you. I dont know.
I get to hear many stories of children in foster care. I see children from "normal families", divorced, separated families, adopted children, children
raised by single parents.

1) I highly admire good foster parents. They can make miracle happen in life of these kids. Many of these children have gone through emotional and physical abuse resulting in problems with attachment. You could give them love and stability they have never seen before, hopefully without judging their parents. You could try and heal their broken hearts. Yes, you may have to deal with behavioral problems on the way. Yes, it will hurt if they go back to their family. You will worry how they are when they go back home. You will need to be strong.
2) Adoption as a single parent - I think, it is better if the child has family with 2 parents if these 2 parents actually agree on most important things which is not always the case. But, I think that you could raise a strong, responsible and caring girl or boy even as a single mom if you have the support of your family and strong faith in God. I remember one man who used to come to the neonatal ICU in Chicago for 2 months when I was a resident. He adopted a premature newborn boy as a single father. I thought - wow, how can he handle this much responsibility ? He could.

Regarding what Chelsea wrote about doctrines - here is an idea: I think, one day, God will ask how much love we gave to this world. Adoption or foster care is exactly about this.

Mar 19th 2013 new

Hi Katarina.

Thank you for sharing your ideas on this matter. I´ve been thinking about adoption for a long time too (there´s no foster care in Mexico) and I will do certainly do it...

And I´m in complete agreement with you about "one day, God will ask how much love we gave to this world". lovestruck!




Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Katarina-331534 said: Regarding what Chelsea wrote about doctrines - here is an idea: I think, one day, God will ask...
(Quote) Katarina-331534 said:

Regarding what Chelsea wrote about doctrines - here is an idea: I think, one day, God will ask how much love we gave to this world. Adoption or foster care is exactly about this.

--hide--

Katarina,

Seriously? I am completely blown away by all the rampant sentimentalism in this thread being treated as if it is manifesting "love." I get the sense that the majority of the posters on this thread are if-it-feels-good-it-is-good people. Reduction ad absurdum: Well, I hear rat poison might taste pretty good, should we all start eating it?

It might make you or other women feel all warm and tingly inside to think of procuring children into single motherhood, but I find it horrifying. I don't think it is an act of love at all, but rather one of desperation and selfishness disguised to make all the world think that a woman is a "saint" for making such a voluntary "sacrifice," rather than to accept with faith the life which God has ordained.

Again, I see nothing immoral about a single woman choosing to foster a child or children, as it can be a corporal work of mercy. However, for a woman to begin to procure children to her "household" (obviously a single woman fools herself if she thinks she has an independent household when she is named after the household of her father, or former husband) via adoption is exactly as cruel as two homosexuals procuring a child.

This may make some of the posters feel "bad" to read this, but that doesn't make any of what I've written bad, since it is in conformity both with an objective knowledge of natural law and Church teaching. There's no doubt that women want babies; that's how women are naturally. There's also no doubt that most women are prepared not only to do the immoral, but also the unnatural in order either to conceive or procure children. This is evidenced by the markets for artificial insemination, in vitro fertilization and the black market offering children for procurement.

What I am saying has nothing to do with women who lost their husbands and inherited children, or women who thought themselves married (in a putative marriage), were given decrees of nullity, and then left by their former partners with children, or women who were raped and conceived children. Those situations are not ideal, but they did not have to be entered into in an immoral fashion.

To act against doctrines of morality, either known by observation of nature or revelation through the Church, that we as Catholics profess to be true and binding is not manifest of love.

John 15:10: If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love; as I also have kept my Father's commandments, and do abide in his love.

John 14:15: If you love me, keep my commandments.

1 John 5:2: In this we know that we love the children of God: when we love God, and keep his commandments.

John 14:21: He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them; he it is that loveth me. And he that loveth me, shall be loved of my Father: and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.


A person cannot truly, in the name of "love," contradict the order which God has imposed upon us. That would be to say that the supernatural virtue of charity could somehow be opposed to the supernatural virtue of faith. This is plainly absurd.

How can a woman so love a child that she will deliberately do what it takes to deprive him of a father? Some may say, "Oh, ho! To leave the child in an orphanage would be to deliberately deprive him of a father!" Well, not so! To take that tack is to find fault with God who allows children to become orphans. One could not rightly say that leaving a child in the orphaned state in which one found him is the same as deliberately depriving him of a father.

For a single woman to procure a child into single motherhood is the same violent act by which fornicators beget children. Period.

I am willing to listen to correction, upon objective and authoritative grounds, of course...but until then, I'm done with this thread.

Mar 19th 2013 new

My husband died when my younger kids were 5 and 2. They don't remember him.

Among my many worries, for them and for the older kids:
1. How do I teach fatherless kids what a father is? (we had no grandfather, no uncles nearby)
2. How do I teach them what a marriage is?

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Among my many worries, for them and for the older kids: 1. How do I teach fatherless kids what a fat...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Among my many worries, for them and for the older kids:
1. How do I teach fatherless kids what a father is? (we had no grandfather, no uncles nearby)
2. How do I teach them what a marriage is?
--hide--



So, what did you do? How did you deal with it? Just curious, because this is a topic (single motherhood) that I did not have to experience (Praise God) but my father raised six children without a mother. This is not a challenge question at all, just asking how you handled it.

Mar 19th 2013 new

Thanks for asking.

Things I did:
- I raised them more as a father would than as a mother would (won't go into details here)
- put the boys into Boy Scouts, and the girls into a Girl Scout group that had a male co-leader
- when they got to middle school we moved close to my brother, who is a good father and has a good marriage (in spite of his wife being an atheist).

Mind you, the jury is out as to what the effect has been and will be. boggled

Mar 19th 2013 new

(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Things I did: - I raised them more as a father would than as a mother would (won't go into details h...
(Quote) Marge-938695 said: Things I did: - I raised them more as a father would than as a mother would (won't go into details here)
- put the boys into Boy Scouts, and the girls into a Girl Scout group that had a male co-leader
- when they got to middle school we moved close to my brother, who is a good father and has a good marriage (in spite of his wife being an atheist).

Mind you, the jury is out as to what the effect has been and will be.
--hide--



No, THANK YOU for replying. I'm sure by this point the jury is in - and it was good. I have an issue I'd like to talk with you about private email. Not relevant to this thread.

Mar 19th 2013 new

I am currently fostering a 4 year old girl. She has been with me for 6 weeks now. Before her I had a 6 year old boy for 3 months that went home to his mother. I have felt the calling to do foster care for many years but fear held me back. I am so glad I finally found the courage to do this. It has been challenging sure, my life has changed quite a bit, but I wouldn't change a thing. There is a high need for foster parents and for people (whether single or married) to adopt. I am open to adoption if I feel that it is a good fit. I have a strong support system and that has been so helpful. Feel free to private message me if you have any questions.

Posts 51 - 60 of 60