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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Sep 17th 2012 new

(((Rebecca)))

I marriage broke down more than 2 years ago. I remember my eyes would just suddenly welled up during Holy Mass or even in the house or at work.. When my boy asked me why i was crying.. I answered "Tears of joy, dear son.., because you're with me and we have Our Father God Who's completely devoted to us" There was a pretense but a seed of Truth when I said that.. During those times of despair, I was truly grateful because I knew and I felt HIS presence more.

I spent a long time in the Adoration Room, I went to the Parish Priest for counseling. I asked Mother Mary to pray for me. I prayed the Holy Rosary more than once...

Take heart, Rebecca.. God is with you. Mother and myself shall be praying for you continuously... It will be okay.

Much love and prayers,

Kat Praying Praying rosary rosary

Sep 17th 2012 new

Hi Rebecca,

There is a blog by Lisa Duffy, please read it.. it's about letting go.

Be blessed :-)

Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will ...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--


Mass is a place the enemy wants you to avoid. You also have a conscience and a heart, so it's natural to feel this way. Keep the faith. Look for the opportunity to serve God in each situation. Just keep doing the next right thing, pray as much and as often as you can - informally even.


Which parish do you attend? I was a member of Holy Name Cathedral parish for 9 years but often attended othe rparished. St Alphonsus (where Wellington, Lincoln, and Southport all come together) was a great one. Very active and welcoming. Doctrinally sound. aAgood community.

Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will ...
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:



I go to mass every week, and as of late, all the homilies are about marriage. You will always see me in mass with my younger 2 children, age 10 and 12, and I just feel like I totally made a mistake divorcing their father . It has been a yr. since the civil divorce but about 3 years being estranged from each other and more or less separated. Stats show that kids who have a bio familiy intact do better it thier adult lives...

I feel like all I did was rip them off of a nuclear family. I had so many serious and valid reasons for the divorce, but the fact that their father IS not involved in their lives truly just makes me feel worse and worse with each passing mass. We did attend mass as a family most of the time and so naturally I have flashbacks - always in mass, and my younger kids are getting purterbed practically, always questioning : "Why are you crying Mommy?"

Im sure someone out there can relate.

Blessings..
Rebecca, Chgo

--hide--


Hi Rebecca, I don't have children, but I feel your pain, even from a thousand miles away. I do know that "conviction" is from God, guilt is not and there is a big difference.


Hang in there Rebecca, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and wants to heal and restore. How He will do that is anyone's guess, but, " . . . I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope." Jer 29:11. When you are hurting, Scripture can be very healing.



Praying

Sep 17th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Mass is a place the enemy wants you to avoid. You also have a conscience and a heart...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Mass is a place the enemy wants you to avoid. You also have a conscience and a heart, so it's natural to feel this way. Keep the faith. Look for the opportunity to serve God in each situation. Just keep doing the next right thing, pray as much and as often as you can - informally even.


Which parish do you attend? I was a member of Holy Name Cathedral parish for 9 years but often attended othe rparished. St Alphonsus (where Wellington, Lincoln, and Southport all come together) was a great one. Very active and welcoming. Doctrinally sound. aAgood community.

--hide--


Very good advice David

Sep 17th 2012 new

Hi Rebecca!

I am VERY new to this site and mostly to help ME find the right man with God in his heart.

I have been on my own since 2007 divorced 2008 and STILL don't have my annulment complete. I do not attend mass weekly and feel in a complete hole because of it. My parents (married almost 50 years) and sister and brother in law and family (happily married 14 years) all attend the same parish. I have my own hang up with feeling like the black sheep in my family but it's worse regarding showing my divorced face at mass. I have not accepted communion since my seperation (not sure the official rule on that) but have my son's First Communion meeting this week. I have had him in PSR (CCD) since he was able and he attends every year. This year is a biggie with getting his First Communion sacrament, yet I feel like an awful role model for him.

So I can VERY much relate to your feelings being alone and in church with your children. I wish I had some words of wisdom to comfort you, but did want to relay that you are NOT alone in your thoughts and feelings! m.

Sep 17th 2012 new

Rebecca I can totally relate to all of your post. The doubt, the defeat and the sadness you are feeling is the devil's way of keeping you right where he wants you. I can sense from your post that deep down you know what you did is the right thing for you and your children. You want the best environment for you and them and aim to give them that.

When I went through a court divorce mandated counseling session 6 years ago, they explained that divorce is like death. You will go through all 7 stages of grieving. It normally takes between 3-5 years before you are healed and can truly get to stage 7. (Shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger/bargaining, depression/reflection, the upward turn, reconstruction/working thru and acceptance/hope). Embrace each healing stage you go through and put all of what you 'feel' in God's hands.

I too have caught myself with tears in church many times. I got through the hard parts by surrounding myself with positive reading material, positive family members, discussing my feeling with others in my same boat and most importanly praying. When I get down on myself and situation, I take a deep breath and immediately shift gears. I look at my son and say we are doing just fine. I focus on the gifts God has given me right now and not what I do not have.

My young son is happy, healthy and well loved as I tackle being both mom and dad on a daily basis. That is what is important and what I focus on. I am more aware and look for opportunities to surround him with all the 'male influence' he needs on a regular basis. I discuss opportunities with his after school care giver which happens to be male, I get him involved with activities with his school/soccer team and have him tag along with his uncles/cousins on many things. He probably has more "male influence" than he really needs (lol).

My prayers and thoughts are with you during your healing. Reading the different posts and articles on CM have really also helped with the healing too.

Sep 17th 2012 new

Rebecca,

I CAN, truly relate. I have been divorced as of October for one year exactly. We were estranged for 10 months exactly when the divorce went through. He and I have three children together, all boys, 6,5,&3. I have the same fears you do about our children growing up in dual parent households. Their father is now engaged to someone else already, this is his 3rd marriage in less than 10 years. He too is also not a part of their lives. He used to hit our oldest child for "not listening"......remember there is always a reason for the divorce. The safety of my children and multiple infidelities were my reasons.

We have been taught through church that divorce is a sin. You have to remember it was for the better and for your children. I know it seems impossible sometimes to be strong. I have those moments as well still, but you have to be strong for your children. They WILL look back and see that you made it through this and that you are strong AND.... that you made the right decision. The divorce was not your fault, God will not give you more than you can handle. Seek to him for strength and courage through this difficult time. He is there and he will help you. Trust in him and have faith.

God speed

Jessica from NH.

Sep 18th 2012 new

PrayingHi Rebecca, there are so many wonderful replies and great feedback. I too was left with 2 young children and the thing I grieved the most was that I wasn't going to be a stay at home mom and raise my children the way I wanted. The first year I cried everyday but my greatest strength came from reading the various psalms. I totally gave all of it over to God and never swayed because He was the one that was going to get me through this painful time. I hope you have family that will give you great support as well. They were there for me. My children are now grown and I couldn't be prouder. They often tell me that that I'm the greatest mom ever, which make me beam. Everyday I thank God for giving me the strength I needed to raise them alone (although I wasn't really alone). I too see all the couples in church but never regretted the choices I made for my children. I decided not to marry again while they were young to give them a healthy and happy home to grow up in.

You have a lot more strength than you could possibly imagine. I applaud you but do take some of the great advice given to you and someday you too will be happy with all the choices you make, especially in trusting God, he will never forsake you. God bless.

Sep 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Melanie-894556 said: Hi Rebecca! I am VERY new to this site and mostly to help ME find the right man with Go...
(Quote) Melanie-894556 said:

Hi Rebecca!

I am VERY new to this site and mostly to help ME find the right man with God in his heart.

I have been on my own since 2007 divorced 2008 and STILL don't have my annulment complete. I do not attend mass weekly and feel in a complete hole because of it. My parents (married almost 50 years) and sister and brother in law and family (happily married 14 years) all attend the same parish. I have my own hang up with feeling like the black sheep in my family but it's worse regarding showing my divorced face at mass. I have not accepted communion since my seperation (not sure the official rule on that) but have my son's First Communion meeting this week. I have had him in PSR (CCD) since he was able and he attends every year. This year is a biggie with getting his First Communion sacrament, yet I feel like an awful role model for him.

So I can VERY much relate to your feelings being alone and in church with your children. I wish I had some words of wisdom to comfort you, but did want to relay that you are NOT alone in your thoughts and feelings! m.

--hide--


Melanie, when I read your post I had to respond. Please do not let your current situation keep you from Mass and the Eucharist which is what sustains you on this journey through life. The sin occurs when you remarry without an annulment (that is a subject for another time). There are valid reasons for divorce. Please make an appointment to speak to your priest. If you feel uncomfortable going to your "home" parish, please go to another. You are NOT a black sheep with a divorced face. You are the beloved daughter of the Most High God and He desires your healing and restoration.

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