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Saint Valentine is patron saint of love, young people, and happy marriages.
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Courtship

09/19/2012 new

Hello all! It's offical! I have recently started courting an amazing woman! She is my dream girl, and I praise God for her everyday.

Our question is this: now that we are courting, what suggestions or insights do you all have to give us? (i.e. physical boundaries, stratigies for "where do we go from here" etc...)

09/19/2012 new

(Quote) Blake-883375 said: Hello all! It's offical! I have recently started courting an amazing woman! She is my dream g...
(Quote) Blake-883375 said:

Hello all! It's offical! I have recently started courting an amazing woman! She is my dream girl, and I praise God for her everyday.

Our question is this: now that we are courting, what suggestions or insights do you all have to give us? (i.e. physical boundaries, stratigies for "where do we go from here" etc...)

--hide--

Good for you for courting and seeing if this is the one you will want to marry. God Bless you two! Congratulations!

09/19/2012 new
Hi Blake, One thing you might want to consider is finding a Theology of the Body study group....to learn about T.O..B. As a couple....could have a profound impact on your relationship as you are possibly preparing for marriage and a family:-)
09/20/2012 new

Congratulations on entering into a courtship! I would highly recommend reading the book "Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World" by Fr. T. G. Morrow. It's one of my favorites and just loaded with helpful advice! I think I've read it at least 5 or 6 times already.

09/20/2012 new

(Quote) Blake-883375 said: Hello all! It's offical! I have recently started courting an amazing woman! She is my dream g...
(Quote) Blake-883375 said:

Hello all! It's offical! I have recently started courting an amazing woman! She is my dream girl, and I praise God for her everyday.

Our question is this: now that we are courting, what suggestions or insights do you all have to give us? (i.e. physical boundaries, stratigies for "where do we go from here" etc...)

--hide--
Greetings, Blake -- Welcome to the CM forums. You'll pick up a lot of insight, wisdom and knowledge right here. People share their personal experiences to add to the appeal.

Now -- your courtship. Erin and Jenny have each suggested a good book to read -- those should be helpful.

This reply could go on forever, but I'll try to be succinct. This is a time of discernment -- to take a good look not only at your girlfriend, but yourself as well. Get to know yourself and her as best you can -- that includes the strengths AND weaknesses flaws. Most of what you will go through will come naturally. Be polite and respectful; develop your listening skills; place yourselves in different surroundings to see what's comfortable for both of you. Examine your likes and dislikes. Place emphasis upon your spiritual lives. Each of you should be supportive of each other. After all, each of you should be helping to live lives leading to eternal salvation. Are there annoying traits that she has? Or mannerisms that may seem cute now but will annoy the heck out of you if you decide upon marriage and spend 24 hours a day with each other.

Try to interact with her friends and family; she can do the same. It can reveal the character each of you has.

As time progresses, flaws and faults will be evident, as will your likes and dislikes. When these issues arise, try to solve them rather than hope they'll just work out themselves. Agreements reached ahead of time can save a lot of hurting in the future. Each of you is uniique so there will be some differences. What can each of you contribute to a solid relationship?

As your relationship progresses, you might look into compatibility tests which, I understand, can be revealing and show areas that are in need of discussion. I'm not sure if every diocese offers them, and at the time my wife and I got married, they weren't offered or required.

Be yourself. Let her get to know you. Will each of you get to know everything about each other? No. That's an ongoing process. As your relationship continues, both of you will grow. Getting to know each other is a lifelong process. Encourage her to be herself as well.

There are many facets to consider, but many of these aren't appropriate at this stage. See how things progress.

Physical boundaries? A good knowledge of the Commandments and Catechism regarding chastity is a must. Temptations are bound to happen, so you can consider receiving the sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist to strengthen you on your journey.

This is a time to give serious consideration to your lives. Serious, yes, but it's also a time to enjoy each other's company. It will be an exciting time in your lives.

Enjoy....and be thankful.

09/20/2012 new
Hmmm . . . I just posted something similar in a room you can't see . . . chances are the pink poster and you have something in common?

I'm in a courtship relationship myself. Here's a few ideas off the top of my head:

1. Pray often for God's will to be shown to you as you discern, and that God have His hand in making your relationship holy. Also ask any saint that you may have a devotion to, our Mother Mary, and your guardian angel.

2. Individually have an accountability person that you discuss boundaries with and let know the status of your relationship. Mine is a very close friend. Empower that person to ask tough questions and to call you out and make sure that your courtship and your personal relationship with Christ remains pure.

3. Communicate well and often. Timing and depth of topics will vary. We've mixed it up considerably and often use the forum and blog postings as discussion topics.

4. Spend time getting to know each other's family. See how each of you interacts with your family and friends who know you best. Get feedback from those same people who will not have their emotions perhaps a bit clouded with romance.

5. At the same time, balance family and friend time with healthy and chaste alone time to develop your relationship and to allow each other to open up and be vulnerable. Safeguard those vulnerable details and build trust.

6. Try to learn how each person communicates and shows affection--the temperments thing and the love languages. Develop an understanding of how you and she function. No one does it "wrong" per se, they just do it differently.

7. If you find yourself in a quandry as to what the right physical boundary is, ask yourself whether you would perform this act in front of your mother . . . or her mother . . . or a priest. If you can't . . . most likely that is something that should be reserved for the marital relationship. Err on the side of caution, and realize that you and she may have very different ideas as to what is too much. Again, err on the side of caution, because you do not want to damage something so precious.

8. How could I forget? Ask offline friends, church prayer chains, and your CM community etc to pray for you both to discern God's Will in your relationship. Note that I didn't say to pray that so and so becomes your wife. Key difference! Don't assume. Discern.

Best of luck!

Rae
09/20/2012 new
(Quote) Rae-242317 said: Hmmm . . . I just posted something similar in a room you can't see . . . chances are the pink poster and you hav...
(Quote) Rae-242317 said: Hmmm . . . I just posted something similar in a room you can't see . . . chances are the pink poster and you have something in common?



I'm in a courtship relationship myself. Here's a few ideas off the top of my head:



1. Pray often for God's will to be shown to you as you discern, and that God have His hand in making your relationship holy. Also ask any saint that you may have a devotion to, our Mother Mary, and your guardian angel.



2. Individually have an accountability person that you discuss boundaries with and let know the status of your relationship. Mine is a very close friend. Empower that person to ask tough questions and to call you out and make sure that your courtship and your personal relationship with Christ remains pure.



3. Communicate well and often. Timing and depth of topics will vary. We've mixed it up considerably and often use the forum and blog postings as discussion topics.



4. Spend time getting to know each other's family. See how each of you interacts with your family and friends who know you best. Get feedback from those same people who will not have their emotions perhaps a bit clouded with romance.



5. At the same time, balance family and friend time with healthy and chaste alone time to develop your relationship and to allow each other to open up and be vulnerable. Safeguard those vulnerable details and build trust.



6. Try to learn how each person communicates and shows affection--the temperments thing and the love languages. Develop an understanding of how you and she function. No one does it "wrong" per se, they just do it differently.



7. If you find yourself in a quandry as to what the right physical boundary is, ask yourself whether you would perform this act in front of your mother . . . or her mother . . . or a priest. If you can't . . . most likely that is something that should be reserved for the marital relationship. Err on the side of caution, and realize that you and she may have very different ideas as to what is too much. Again, err on the side of caution, because you do not want to damage something so precious.



8. How could I forget? Ask offline friends, church prayer chains, and your CM community etc to pray for you both to discern God's Will in your relationship. Note that I didn't say to pray that so and so becomes your wife. Key difference! Don't assume. Discern.



Best of luck!



Rae
--hide--


And men, be bold, be brave, and be holy. I didn't pursue half-heartedly, nor did I hold back, nor did I hedge my bets. When I was convinced, I sought her heart with passion, solicitousness, and inventiveness. When alone, I prayed and fasted, and even went on a retreat. Remember, in a marriage, God is not only your Father, but also your Father-in-law. wink
09/20/2012 new

(Quote) Jenny-872030 said: Congratulations on entering into a courtship! I would highly recommend reading the book "Chr...
(Quote) Jenny-872030 said:

Congratulations on entering into a courtship! I would highly recommend reading the book "Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World" by Fr. T. G. Morrow. It's one of my favorites and just loaded with helpful advice! I think I've read it at least 5 or 6 times already.

--hide--

Thank you for the citation - an answer to a question - What is Courtship?

09/21/2012 new

:) I was wondering if these were connected.... :)

09/21/2012 new

"Father-in-law"... that's very insightful to think. :) Blessings to you!

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