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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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The Baby Dance

Sep 21st 2012 new

I have no plans to have sex before marriage, but when I read message boards at other websites (women's sites), it can be discouraging.

I refer to the attitude that many married women (yougish women in their 20s and 30s) take toward sex with their husbands. They are interested in it only for the chance of getting pregnant. Sex is very often referred to as the "Baby Dance". And it you read the posts these women write, you see that they are interested in sex only so far as it will take them to motherhood.

Referring to sex as the Baby Dance is not just a denigration of a special and holy act, but even from a purely secular standpoint it seems to trivialize and make commonplace what can be awesome and transcendent.

I understand many women really, really, really badly want to be mothers (even if I don't feel this urge myself), but I wish they could see sex as more than just a means to a reproductive end.

I have to wonder about the stability of these marriages in the long run, because it seems (from their posts), that the women see their husbands as primarily a source of income and semen. With modern divorce law, the woman is financially protected, so I have to think that when the kids are out of toddler age, a divorce will be forthcoming. The ex-husbands still have to pay alimony and child support, so the woman maintains her lifestyle, but she doesn't have to have sex with the guy or interact with much at all. She got her kids and money out of him, so what else does she need? This is a severely cynical approach to marriage, but that's what I feel lurking underneath the postings of many women on those boards.

It's enough to put me off marriage altogether. I just hope I never end up in a relationship like that.

Sep 21st 2012 new
Wow, that is really a shame. I don't know any like this, but I have heard of 2 situations where marriages were falling apart, and they had babies to save the marriage. Both resulted in divorce.
Sep 21st 2012 new

How sad. I have much trouble understanding this limited view of things. I can't relate to it at all.

Sep 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Cathy-620979 said: I have no plans to have sex before marriage, but when I read message boards at other websites (wo...
(Quote) Cathy-620979 said:

I have no plans to have sex before marriage, but when I read message boards at other websites (women's sites), it can be discouraging.

I refer to the attitude that many married women (yougish women in their 20s and 30s) take toward sex with their husbands. They are interested in it only for the chance of getting pregnant. Sex is very often referred to as the "Baby Dance". And it you read the posts these women write, you see that they are interested in sex only so far as it will take them to motherhood.

Referring to sex as the Baby Dance is not just a denigration of a special and holy act, but even from a purely secular standpoint it seems to trivialize and make commonplace what can be awesome and transcendent.

I understand many women really, really, really badly want to be mothers (even if I don't feel this urge myself), but I wish they could see sex as more than just a means to a reproductive end.

I have to wonder about the stability of these marriages in the long run, because it seems (from their posts), that the women see their husbands as primarily a source of income and semen. With modern divorce law, the woman is financially protected, so I have to think that when the kids are out of toddler age, a divorce will be forthcoming. The ex-husbands still have to pay alimony and child support, so the woman maintains her lifestyle, but she doesn't have to have sex with the guy or interact with much at all. She got her kids and money out of him, so what else does she need? This is a severely cynical approach to marriage, but that's what I feel lurking underneath the postings of many women on those boards.

It's enough to put me off marriage altogether. I just hope I never end up in a relationship like that.

--hide--


I see what you are referring to...WOW- OK... an some younger women marry because they know that if they divorce they will be cared for especially if they are raising the children. So yes they just use men for what they bring to the table. Yes. I have heard of this and I have met some manipulative women who go out seeking a guy to change their financial status. I have met them especially in this past year.

Sep 21st 2012 new
I don't understand why are you concerned about other women's views in sex. If you have acknowledged your love for God and his will in your life you have only to follow it for joy and peace in your life. All I can say is pray for their own illumination.
Sep 21st 2012 new

I can't relate to that attitude at all. Children don't make marriage work better because there is a lot of stress with raising children. However well worth it in the end.

Sep 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Marilyn-597098 said: I don't understand why are you concerned about other women's views in sex. If you have acknowl...
(Quote) Marilyn-597098 said: I don't understand why are you concerned about other women's views in sex. If you have acknowledged your love for God and his will in your life you have only to follow it for joy and peace in your life. All I can say is pray for their own illumination.
--hide--



So true Marilyn. Very wise.

Sep 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Marilyn-597098 said: I don't understand why are you concerned about other women's views in sex. If you have acknowl...
(Quote) Marilyn-597098 said: I don't understand why are you concerned about other women's views in sex. If you have acknowledged your love for God and his will in your life you have only to follow it for joy and peace in your life. All I can say is pray for their own illumination.
--hide--


Keeping God center in your life IS the way to go. Great comment Marilyn. I would have to wonder if these couples have God as their center, and if God was center when they were dating (....did they engage in premarital sex).

Sep 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Cathy-620979 said: I have no plans to have sex before marriage, but when I read message boards at other websites (wo...
(Quote) Cathy-620979 said:

I have no plans to have sex before marriage, but when I read message boards at other websites (women's sites), it can be discouraging.

I refer to the attitude that many married women (yougish women in their 20s and 30s) take toward sex with their husbands. They are interested in it only for the chance of getting pregnant. Sex is very often referred to as the "Baby Dance". And it you read the posts these women write, you see that they are interested in sex only so far as it will take them to motherhood.

Referring to sex as the Baby Dance is not just a denigration of a special and holy act, but even from a purely secular standpoint it seems to trivialize and make commonplace what can be awesome and transcendent.

I understand many women really, really, really badly want to be mothers (even if I don't feel this urge myself), but I wish they could see sex as more than just a means to a reproductive end.

I have to wonder about the stability of these marriages in the long run, because it seems (from their posts), that the women see their husbands as primarily a source of income and semen. With modern divorce law, the woman is financially protected, so I have to think that when the kids are out of toddler age, a divorce will be forthcoming. The ex-husbands still have to pay alimony and child support, so the woman maintains her lifestyle, but she doesn't have to have sex with the guy or interact with much at all. She got her kids and money out of him, so what else does she need? This is a severely cynical approach to marriage, but that's what I feel lurking underneath the postings of many women on those boards.

It's enough to put me off marriage altogether. I just hope I never end up in a relationship like that.

--hide--


Flip side, although Marilyn has a good point. First, there are a lot of websites that bring nothing to the table with respect to furthering our relationship with God. Sounds like you found a couple. Second, I would have to ask what website you were on. The only websites that I routinely have seen use the term 'baby dance' are those dealing with infertility. I will deal with the second.


Infertility, until you are in the midst of it, is a topic that many people never address. It is hard enough in the secular world to come to terms. As a devout catholic, most of the avenues that might help are closed. The testing in and of itself is invasive. The questions that are asked and answered are intrusive. To cope, certain euphamisms become common place. Baby dance is an example of that. Sharing in forum is sometimes the only place these couples can vent and share without recrimination, in a venue with others who understand that particular heartbreak.


I think, in evaluating other opinions, we really need to give a great deal of thought to putting ourselves in that person's shoes before we form any opinions over their choice of verbiage. For your sake, Cathy, I hope you are never in a marriage like that. I have seen infertility destroy more than one.


Food for thought. heart

Sep 23rd 2012 new

You are assuming way too much here, AnneMarie.

The boards are not infertility focused and I do not think the women who use the term Baby Dance are particularly concerned about infertility. It is not a euphamsm they employ to avoid painful emotions. They have no problem using scientific terms and commonplace slang for sexual issues.

They are using the term Baby Dance because they see sex as a means to getting pregnant.

I'm sure infertility puts strains on some marriages (although getting married for the express purpose of having children seems a mistake), but that is another issue. Start another thread if you want to talk about that.

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