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Actually, as a leader, I disagree. Bad things can happen, but I have seen more problems with bullying
than anything and I have been informed of non-straight leaders in about the proportion said to be in
the general public. I know many gays and I just don't know about any "initiations"; I do have to watch
the behavior of those insecure enough to pick on others.
I am no longer an employee, but back in the day there were goals for United Way contributions and I did get some heat as they were supporting planned parenthood and, at the time, clinics planned parenthood referred patients to... I am a scout leader and as I understand it the problem is not with teaching about alternative activities but about supporting them in the organization- BSA had refused to promote United Way "values" as an employer and with volunteers
I had a successful career in fund raising with the BSA and now serve as a fund-raiser on an as-needed basis for an independent BSA Scout reservation near here. You and Cheryl have correctly pointed out where the action is: the decision is local, not a national nor a state level decision.
What the BSA in her area can do is try to develop a closer relationship with the United Way but it will take some work since the relationship clearly is damaged. I've seen these United Ways at work. They frequently operate on the basis of one or a few members and their preferences.
(1) Donate directly to the Boy Scouts (or any other charity you would have contributed through via United Way) -- this prevents UW from taking a cut before distributing the earmarked funds.
(2) Send a letter to the president of UW explaining how much you gave directly to the target organizations instead of to UW and why.
If enough people do this, perhaps they'll change their policy.