Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Does anyone just go on a date when they are asked just because?
I think this is not quite what you were asking for, but your question made me think of it. After getting some (I think unfair) grief about being too picky, I thought up the brilliant idea of pledging that I would give a first date to anyone who asked. You know, just to prove to them that I was not being unreasonably picky... And that is how I went out on a date with a guy who apparently used most of his English to ask me out. I got some free drinks, some sparkly hair clips, and a hilarious story out of it. I still remember the look on his face when I was miming "Dracula." I was trying to confirm that I had understood him. That's what I thought we were "talking" about... it was right after Halloween, after all, and we had managed to somehow touch on movies. Unfortunately, he was saying "tequila" ...which I figured out when he pointed to it on the menu. Oh, man... the look on his face... me with my mimed fangs and vampire noises and creepy threatening hands... I will never know quite what was going through his head. Needless to say there was no second date.
I have since decided that I am confident in my open-mindedness and self-regulation and don't need to prove anything to anyone anymore.
More to your point, I have previously agreed to share meals and join people on outings in situations I did not consider romantic-type dates. Some go alright, and some end up dates by stealth, which does make one a little reticent to accept future "just lunches," unfortunately. And that works both ways, I suppose. I have a male colleague who is my age, whom I am not interested in, but whom I think would be cool to hang out with as just friends. Unfortunately, perhaps because young/single males in my department are few and far between and often chased after, he keeps himself rather aloof. Too bad.
Do I go out just because? I certainly have, and probably will in the future, but at this stage of life, I prefer not to.
Particularly if he thinks there is really something to the outing (he really sees it as a date), and I don't (don't see any chance). I have too much respect for other people to waste their time, or their money.
I myself have a list 1000 entries long of stuff I need to do, and only 25 years of life left to do it in, and I have this saying: on my deathbed, I am going to want these 3 hours back. And my experience is when you do the "going out on a date just because" you come home saying just that, and feeling bad like you owe someone something now.
I guess if one is not comfortable going out to dinner or to date like events on their own, or does not have that chance otherwise, sure, go on the date and "live life" a little.
But I have never felt that way, and frankly don't want to waste anyone's time, as nice as they might be, and as nice as the conversation might be.
So put me in the no column.
I think it is something most of us have done. I too have been accused of being too picky. If you don't go though, how are you going to know that just maybe you are missing out on the person God has intended for you. However, I do not believe in using people. If you know in advance there is absolutely no future there, then it's preferable not to allow someone to wast his time and money on you. If you are just going out as friends and nothing more and you are both on the same page then I say go for it.
I'm not talking about wasting someone's time or money, nor am I discussing misleading people. A better example is a man I met in early 2000. We were both part of a monthly dinner club. I was not attracted to him, we had zero in common (or so I assumed) and I would not have put him in the category of relationship potential.
A few months later, we realized that we shared the same birthday (different years), and he asked me if I minded picking him up on the way to that particular outing. That non-date was the start of a really great relationship that lasted two years. Our group considered us a couple long before we did.
This was definitely a case that I went on a quasi-date with someone who had no relationship potential. God laughed.
Thanks for chiming in Sharon. As I said to Pat, sometimes it is not about wasting time and money. Sometimes it is about just going about life and enjoying the people God puts there. The men that I thought would be good mates, generally were not. Several men that I would not have considered treated me like gold.
I guess I am just saying that instead of looking so hard at our 'bucket list' for a man/future, maybe we ought to look at little more closely at the people God is placing in our life. We might be pleasantly surprised.
I will frequently meet a lady and wonder if something more may come of it, but then I also have balance and don't let it become an obsession. I don't . limit myself and allow myself to be open and meet more than one woman, letting God guide me to that potential wife. I figure that when it's right, it will just happen