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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people 45+. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

The story of Abraham and Sarah is told in chapters 11-25 of the book of Genesis.
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Okay I am getting that feeling again that I am wasting my time. I am 46 and both of my previous husbands have passed away. Guys see that and run in the opposite direction. There are a couple who look further. Those couple see six year old child and they run.

Every so often I get the feeling that I am wasting my time. Don't say "There are plenty of guys out there who are in our age group and willing to start over." Oh did I mention that I will never be able to have any more children? Younger guys want more children, and we have little in common. Older guys I can talk to and relate to, they don't want kids.

I am just getting that feeling that I am wasting my time. Oh did I mention that I got the matched email? I emoted several of the guys and no answer. Same thing different day.
Oct 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-722703 said: Okay I am getting that feeling again that I am wasting my time. I am 46 and both of my previous husban...
(Quote) Theresa-722703 said: Okay I am getting that feeling again that I am wasting my time. I am 46 and both of my previous husbands have passed away. Guys see that and run in the opposite direction. There are a couple who look further. Those couple see six year old child and they run.

Every so often I get the feeling that I am wasting my time. Don't say "There are plenty of guys out there who are in our age group and willing to start over." Oh did I mention that I will never be able to have any more children? Younger guys want more children, and we have little in common. Older guys I can talk to and relate to, they don't want kids.

I am just getting that feeling that I am wasting my time. Oh did I mention that I got the matched email? I emoted several of the guys and no answer. Same thing different day.
--hide--
Seeing a person who has lost one husband at an early age can be disconcerting. It's not supposed to happen. But a second one? And still at a young age? This has been the subject of jokes (not in your specific case, but in general...), but when it actually happens in real life, it's just not funny.

Perhaps you're feeling a bit gun-shy having had this unfortunate event happen twice. It might be showing and that could be one of the possible reasons for your lack of responses. It could also involve an unintended superstition.

At your age, still young, but not able to have more children shouldn't be an obstacle to men your age or a little older. Having children might be a desire, but isn't mandatory, depending upon the Lord's will. I would think that there are plenty of men who would accept you just as you are.

You're on an online dating site. Your presence suggests at least some belief that something can come of it. It's a numbers game, as you probably already know. The more contacts you have, the better your odds are. Some people you've contacted might not be paying members; therefore, they cannot get back to you unless they pay the fare and join.

During your prayertime, ask our Good Lord to make His will be known to you. Perhaps He is allowing you sufficient time to truly recover from your losses. You may feel you are ready, but there might still be some lingering bit of grieving that has to be dealt with.

Patience and prayer are the key elements. And don't give up hope.... hug

Oct 9th 2012 new
One of my doctors at the VA Called me the black widow, jokingly of course! My second husband died four years ago. Having his daughter, she was two, who was special needs and the fact that we were divorced, I did not greve that much. I had already gone through that while pregnant when he divorced me. I was seeing a mental health professional on a regular basis.

Yes it is a bit disconcerting to see a woman who had two husbands and they both have passed away. Then they see child, special needs, and they run. It doesn't matter that her condition is mostly controlled by diet.

I get told all the time that there are men who would be happy to meet me. Yeah, but the ones who say that are not the ones who are supposedly out there.

My subscription is up in December and I am not going to renew. I do have a couple of friends that I have made through the site. I am already emailing them through regular email.

I have met men who I have dated through the internet. It is hard when I can't just drop everything and go out because I need a babysitter. I just keep thinking that it might be easier to just quit and forget about the whole dating thing!
Oct 9th 2012 new
You have to feel what is right for you.May I suggest a support group in the city you reside in.

Where I live there are widow groups that meet.Don't give up!
Oct 9th 2012 new
Maybe I can go when Janna is in school if they meet then. It is just not cost effective to get a babysitter and go to a meeting and have to decide what bills don't get paid. I already have medical bills for Janna that I am on payment plans for the next year. Both the local hospital and Children's Hospital in Denver.

Yeah I know. I have looked into some options but it always comes out to time and money.

We have enough to live on until last month's car accident that has put me behind for a few months. So we are watching where we spend money for two to three months. Then we are okay again.
Oct 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Theresa-722703 said: One of my doctors at the VA Called me the black widow, jokingly of course! My second husband died four...
(Quote) Theresa-722703 said: One of my doctors at the VA Called me the black widow, jokingly of course! My second husband died four years ago. Having his daughter, she was two, who was special needs and the fact that we were divorced, I did not greve that much. I had already gone through that while pregnant when he divorced me. I was seeing a mental health professional on a regular basis.

Yes it is a bit disconcerting to see a woman who had two husbands and they both have passed away. Then they see child, special needs, and they run. It doesn't matter that her condition is mostly controlled by diet.

I get told all the time that there are men who would be happy to meet me. Yeah, but the ones who say that are not the ones who are supposedly out there.

My subscription is up in December and I am not going to renew. I do have a couple of friends that I have made through the site. I am already emailing them through regular email.

I have met men who I have dated through the internet. It is hard when I can't just drop everything and go out because I need a babysitter. I just keep thinking that it might be easier to just quit and forget about the whole dating thing!
--hide--
You don't have to give up hope just because something isn't working. There are ways to meet people, even in your circumstances, although, admitedly it's certainly more difficult and challenging. If you do happen to meet someone, it will be an awesome, special person -- well worth the wait. If you think back, you realize you were able to marry another person after the loss of your first husband. You've gotten through some of the worst times of your life. Even the present is difficult, especially being a single parent.

It was suggested that you join a support group. There may be more than one type of group that could be helpful -- one for special needs children. It's possible if such an organization exists nearby, children could be brought along, thereby saving the cost of a sitter. Or....is there a friend, neighbor, or nearby relative who can help out with this?

Perhaps it's not meant for you to meet someone now because of all that you already have on your mind. If you ask the Good Lord what His will is, He will let you know in His own way.

You've been in the forums enough to know what type of support you can receive from CM members. That alone might making staying worthwhile. If not, and you are using CM almost entirely to look for that special person, keep in mind that online sites are added "tools" for looking. Online sites can be helpful for those whose schedules or circumstances inhibit social life considerably.

After reading your other post that included the financial burdens you now face, it's probable that you're overly stressed. Is there a way for you to have some "me" time? Adoration perhaps? Hobbies? You've gotten this far so your survival instincts must be strong.

Oct 9th 2012 new

Theresa,

Don't give up. I am 53 and never married. I would have loved to have been married with children. You have had both of these gifts in your life.

I will never give up. God has plans for me I know. This is one of my favorite quotes from Jerimiah:

Jerimiah 29: 11 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord,
plans for your welfare, not for woe!, plans to give you a future full of hope.

Oct 9th 2012 new

Carolyn - There are single guys on this website that want children. Don't give up. I also would not put all my eggs in one basket. Keep posting in the forums and make yourself well known. Have outside interests -- Catholic Match is not the only way to meet men. You have a young child and sometimes that is even better. Your knew husband to be would also be able to raise your child especially at a young age like one of his own children. When children are teenagers it is harder to raise them and maybe the child would not be so accepting of another stepfather.

Think positive.

Oct 10th 2012 new

Ray that was very sound advice.

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Denise-687929 said: Carolyn - There are single guys on this website that want children. Don't give up. I also wo...
(Quote) Denise-687929 said:

Carolyn - There are single guys on this website that want children. Don't give up. I also would not put all my eggs in one basket. Keep posting in the forums and make yourself well known. Have outside interests -- Catholic Match is not the only way to meet men. You have a young child and sometimes that is even better. Your knew husband to be would also be able to raise your child especially at a young age like one of his own children. When children are teenagers it is harder to raise them and maybe the child would not be so accepting of another stepfather.

Think positive.

--hide--



Hi Denise,

I actually don't have children. I have never been married..... so no kids. But again, not going to give up. I have my feet on the ground, a good job, a few really good friends, a wonderful family and my faith is the driving faith in my life and my family's life. But I would welcome a man with children.
Thanks for the encouraging words though.

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