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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

10/21/2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Pat, Here's some supporting evidence from a secular source: http://www.theatlantic.c...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Pat,

Here's some supporting evidence from a secular source: www.theatlantic.com

John

--hide--


I've read the Lori Gottlieb article as well as the book she wrote afterwards (same title). Her book was pretty depressing sometimes. There were some good points: some people are too picky about things that aren't really important, we should remember our own imperfections that the others will have to put up with (be realistic about who wants US), and it is good to examine ours reasons when we are making the decision not to pursue a particular person. However, I think the book tended to reduce what you ought to look for too much sometimes. I still think what makes a good relationship is more than just finding someone who wants to be married, who wants a family, and who will not be abusive-- essentially a business partner in the joint "business venture" of raising a family. If it was only about those basics I could throw a dart at a random selection of CM men with these qualities and get married tomorrow.


Her book is better paired with something like "Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love," (by Edward Sri) which also looks at love in relationships-- mature love, that is-- and how spouses relate and interact with each other. Both books are trying to get at what really matters in a relationship, but the secular view misses much of the wisdom and beauty our Church hands down to us. Just my two cents



10/21/2012 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: I've read the Lori Gottlieb article as well as the book she wrote afterwards (sa...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:


I've read the Lori Gottlieb article as well as the book she wrote afterwards (same title). Her book was pretty depressing sometimes. There were some good points: some people are too picky about things that aren't really important, we should remember our own imperfections that the others will have to put up with (be realistic about who wants US), and it is good to examine ours reasons when we are making the decision not to pursue a particular person. However, I think the book tended to reduce what you ought to look for too much sometimes. I still think what makes a good relationship is more than just finding someone who wants to be married, who wants a family, and who will not be abusive-- essentially a business partner in the joint "business venture" of raising a family. If it was only about those basics I could throw a dart at a random selection of CM men with these qualities and get married tomorrow.


Her book is better paired with something like "Men, Women, and the Mystery of Love," (by Edward Sri) which also looks at love in relationships-- mature love, that is-- and how spouses relate and interact with each other. Both books are trying to get at what really matters in a relationship, but the secular view misses much of the wisdom and beauty our Church hands down to us. Just my



--hide--
Hi Laura,

Thanks for your take on the article (and it turns out book) by Lori Gottlieb. It's good to read how sometimes our common human nature, which is also in more secular people, still pulls them part of the way in the right direction if at least only negatively, that is, if only by seeing the emptiness of what they have and considering another path.

John

10/22/2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:I hope there is an amazing woman who will love your children because they love the you/ the whole pa...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:
I hope there is an amazing woman who will love your children because they love the you/ the whole package. Never settle for less, you will not regret it.

--hide--


Joanna,
THanks for the encouragement. You are right. Also, I honestly feel like I've met you before maybe around DC in 2005. Or if you are a college proffesor? I got the feeling right away though upon checking this forum.

I just updated my profile to more telling of what shapes me first not fluff of what i like right away. It may help keep attention when I give a short message upon reaching out and then the at least i recieve a look over if not any response.

10/22/2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Do you, personally, consider your children as "baggage"? Ouch! Your post makes it sound ...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

Do you, personally, consider your children as "baggage"? Ouch! Your post makes it sound that way.

--hide--


Lina,
I have to be clear that I consider my kids a joy and the reason for going on and being focused when I am away from them and feel blue. So no not baggage but maybe another filter for those who can't handle kids from another relationship. Which is what it is and fine with that.

Jason

10/26/2012 new

(Quote) Jason-862068 said: Joanna, THanks for the encouragement. You are right. Also, I honestly feel like I'...
(Quote) Jason-862068 said:



Joanna,
THanks for the encouragement. You are right. Also, I honestly feel like I've met you before maybe around DC in 2005. Or if you are a college proffesor? I got the feeling right away though upon checking this forum.

I just updated my profile to more telling of what shapes me first not fluff of what i like right away. It may help keep attention when I give a short message upon reaching out and then the at least i recieve a look over if not any response.

--hide--


Hi Jason, I was on the Gulf Coast in 2005, TDY in this area in 2006, but do not recall meeting you. Not a college professor (but thank you!), I'll peruse your profile and see if I can make a connection.



10/26/2012 new

Thanks for posting this. I can relate to some of those things on the list. I know that I want to get married. But I am not going to get married to whomever I want. I want the right man to come along eventhough he will not be perfect. Nobody is perfect.

10/26/2012 new

(Quote) Colleen-13855 said: You left out selfishness. So many people are focused on self rather than to love sacrificially.<...
(Quote) Colleen-13855 said:

You left out selfishness. So many people are focused on self rather than to love sacrificially.

--hide--
Yes you are right Colleen. Here is an example:

Most old men pursue younger women - reason: she can take care of him and if he dies ahead of her, she is still okay.

Most men do not pursue women within their age or a some years older - reason: He is scared he might take care of her if she gets sick and he will be left behind if she goes ahead of him.

Isn't this selfishness?

10/26/2012 new

(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said: Yes you are right Colleen. Here is an example: Most old men pursue younger women - re...
(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said:

Yes you are right Colleen. Here is an example:

Most old men pursue younger women - reason: she can take care of him and if he dies ahead of her, she is still okay.

Most men do not pursue women within their age or a some years older - reason: He is scared he might take care of her if she gets sick and he will be left behind if she goes ahead of him.

Isn't this selfishness?

--hide--
And to add...

Women are no exception to this too, the fear of being left alone with no one to take care of him/her make them decide to stay single.

10/27/2012 new

(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said: Yes you are right Colleen. Here is an example: Most old men pursue younger women - re...
(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said:

Yes you are right Colleen. Here is an example:

Most old men pursue younger women - reason: she can take care of him and if he dies ahead of her, she is still okay.

Most men do not pursue women within their age or a some years older - reason: He is scared he might take care of her if she gets sick and he will be left behind if she goes ahead of him.

Isn't this selfishness?

--hide--

then i'm an exception. the last thing i want is a woman who's more than a few years younger than me. a few years older is OK. but i want someone atthe same stage of life. there is NO WAY i'd want to have a relationship with a woman in her 20's or 30's. we'd look ridiciulous. it would not be good for her spending her prime years with an ailing codger. we wouldn't have much to talk about. having brought 5 children into the world, i don't want to become a father again at this stage in my life. why would i want to be 70 with a kid in high school? what good would that be for the kid? i love older women. i had my days of youth and young women but know when that became the past instead of an ongoing thing.

as they say in sicily "the grey mare is always the better horse."

10/27/2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: Hi Jason, just an encouraging word here: Many years ago I married a man wh...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said:


Hi Jason, just an encouraging word here: Many years ago I married a man who had a child by a previous marriage. My stepson and I became very close and I loved him deeply because I loved his father. After the marriage ended, my stepson and I stayed close for many years. If a woman sees your children as "baggage" she is selfish, move on. In spite of the struggle my ex and I had, my most precious memories were of my stepson. I made the effort to love him. Kids know bullshit when they see it, they know when someone is genuine and when they are not. Trip waited to see if I really loved him and when he knew it on a heart level, there was no separating us.


I hope there is an amazing woman who will love your children because they love the you/ the whole package. Never settle for less, you will not regret it.


-J

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Totally agree.

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