Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.
Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael
You all have heard me talk about a great Christian singles e magazine called Boundless. They have a good article today called "Singleness Gut Check," talking about a book called "The Singlehood Phenomenon" by Drs. Beverly and Tom Rodgers.
Here the link:
And here is the very interesting list. Does anyone see themselves?
1. Skepticism About Love and Marriage
“I’d rather be alone than in a bad marriage.”
2. Lack of Faith in God’s Provision
“I’m not sure if I have a soul mate.”
3. Unresolved Issues From the Past
“I always seem to attract unhealthy people.”
4. Confusion About the Rules
“I don’t even know how to date.”
5. A Poor Understanding of the Purpose of Marriage
“I think being single may be an easier way to live.”
6. Fear of Getting Hurt
“I don’t want to be hurt again.”
7. Wanting the Perfect Mate
“I’m not a perfectionist; I’m just picky.”
8. Not Dealing with Prior Heartbreak
“I don’t want to feel the pain.”
9. An Unbalanced Focus on Career
“I want to be established before I get married.”
10. Concern That the Marriage Will Fail
“I don’t want to get divorced.”
St Raphael pray for us.
I see myself guilty of some on those on the list, but I don't agree totally with the list either.
I have had 2 marriages that lasted until we were parted by death. No marriage is perfect 100% of the time they all have their ups and downs. It takes 2 people working together to have a good marriage. I also believe those that have had a failed marriage should not be made to feel guilty some marriages just were not meant to be.
I feel bad for the men and women who desire marriage, and have never had it and maybe never will. You can put yourself out there, but there is no guarantee that there will be any takers.
I believe in the sacrament of marriage, but if it never happens for me again I am OK with it.
Josephine, I agree with you on this. There are studies that show that people end up with someone 1 to 2 "points" with in their "looks" range (like if you are a seven, you will end up with someone who is between a 5 and a 9). Not to reduce people to a 10 point scale, but there is empirical truth to this.
One of the worst thing ever to happen to our society was when the one gorgeous supermodel said "yes" the icky older rocker guy, and an entire fantasy was born in the hearts of millions of men that they too deserved/could get/should "hold out for" the perfect 10.
Good luck with all that!
Clair, this is not my list; it's from an article I read.
I agree with you that the entire list shows a lack of faith. That is at the heart of all our these reasons, I think too.
as we are now in the Year of Faith!
I will have to respectfully disagree. As far as I can tell, of all the men that I've talked to and by my own personal battles, I'd have to say that #10 outweighs all the others combined.
Simply put, men are terrified of marriage because of divorce. I personally had recurrent nightmares of being cheated on and divorced by a venial, predatory wife. This nightmare started at the age of 12. Considering that I came from a loving and stable family, I dread to know what the children of broken homes suffer.
This toutches on the spiritual battle waged against us. The Family is the base unit of society. Western society is based on Christian teaching. The devil is fighting a loosing battle. for you in this year of Faith that your trust in God grows Pat!
9 An Unbalanced Focus on Career. I want to be established before I get married.
I don't think I agree. Even Dear Abby recommends being able to support yourself before you get married. If established means being steadily employed or certainly employable before you get married, I think that's very positive.
There really isn't much security in a job nowadays. Here one day--gone the next. I'm afraid if one is looking for security, it'll have to be found elsewhere. Actually, true security comes from within a person; not what the world offers (or retracts).
Established in a career? The meaning I take from it is that a person is well beyond the starting point, or climbing near the top of the corporate ladder, so to speak. It's much more than having a steady job. Others may interpret this differently, of course.
I'd add this also shows putting more trust in the created than the Creator. Isn't this called idolatry? The verse that talks about God providing for the birds of the air. How much more will God provide for you?
We need more focus on God!
I actually Have a pair of rose tinted glasses by the side of my bed! They don't fit well so I took them out of my vehicle, which by the way, those sunglasses make the fall colors look absolutely more brilliant, but ,,, who would want to improve on what God made perfect already?
And maybe that is the point you are trying to make.
When we see clearly we don't muck up God's work and His will, we don't go over board in either direction.
A man once said to me, " I will never get married, in marriage first you Compromise, before you know it you are Complying with what the other wants and then suddenly you have Conformed into what they want you to be, into someone you're not." I call it the three C's.
Now there is an opinion from someone that has gone overboard in the opposite direction and could actually use rose tinted glasses to overcome and sway back to the middle.
My girlfriends tried for years to get me online to date, I didn't get on until I thought God was sending me the message. (and by then I had an attitude - big time - a couple of wonderful male CMers here helped me 'See' past it.) I needed to see myself more clearly first before I started trying to see others for who they are, their truly divine selves, who I wouldn't think of changing..... that's God's job. And yes, I do realize that God uses us to help change each other, He overlaps certain lives for a purpose in His grand plan to bring us back to Him.
The point is...... In marriage we put our Faith partially in another human being, and All human beings by human nature fail. God never fails. And when we realize that we were all born to be DIVINE,- yes, Divine, it is in the catechism, we were created in His Likeness - then we start trusting in one another, in the FACT that GOD can bring each of us to Himself. And relationships are just one of the processes He uses to do so, marriage is a divine sacrament that He instituted for the Celebration! I guess you could say it is the three F's - Fact, Faith never Fails
I choose to See Clearly with Faith