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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 12th 2012 new

Fear. Resentment. Selfishness. Lack of faith. These are the major impediments to human success and happiness.


Compounding the bad things listed above is the tendency among many of the lifelong unmarrieds as well as many bitter formerly marrieds to cloak their own personal dysfunctions in the armor of religion so that to attack their defects of character is to attack ALMIGHTY GOD himself. Many people who avoid a relationship (either consciously or subconsciously) fear something deep within themselves. Rather than face it and maybe work through it, they prefer to call it "holiness". While they certainly hold sincere beliefs and practice many genuine virtues, they use the faith as a bulwark against identifying and confronting their own personal defects. This is terribly sad. It's also a stunning abuse of religion.


OK people, pile on. I'll take my abuse off the air.



Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: Josephine, I agree with you on this. There are studies that show that people end up with someone 1 to...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

Josephine, I agree with you on this. There are studies that show that people end up with someone 1 to 2 "points" with in their "looks" range (like if you are a seven, you will end up with someone who is between a 5 and a 9). Not to reduce people to a 10 point scale, but there is empirical truth to this.

One of the worst thing ever to happen to our society was when the one gorgeous supermodel said "yes" the icky older rocker guy, and an entire fantasy was born in the hearts of millions of men that they too deserved/could get/should "hold out for" the perfect 10.

Good luck with all that!

--hide--


I've known many a "homely couple" who are deeply in love, satisfied with their partner, and totally committed to one another. The Barbee and Ken matches rarely stand the test of time. Every very beautiful woman I've been involved with was difficult to endure. They're too used to being worshipped and they never learn to reciprocate. My preference is someone I have to look at a few times before I see the real deep beaurty in her. There is also a certain type of "ugly" I find absolutely irrestible.

Oct 12th 2012 new

Actually David, I agree with you, all of us could do well to see ourselves more clearly.
True Self introspection is difficult, many of us could use a good spiritual director. The Holy Spirit is still the best guide for each individual soul, if we could only learn to listen earlier on in our lives we would be closer to divinity sooner. Of all the things I teach my kids, I hope that is the one that sticks the most, digs deepest within their being.

We are all just trying the best we each know how.

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Fear. Resentment. Selfishness. Lack of faith. These are the major impediments to human success an...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

Fear. Resentment. Selfishness. Lack of faith. These are the major impediments to human success and happiness.


Compounding the bad things listed above is the tendency among many of the lifelong unmarrieds as well as many bitter formerly marrieds to cloak their own personal dysfunctions in the armor of religion so that to attack their defects of character is to attack ALMIGHTY GOD himself. Many people who avoid a relationship (either consciously or subconsciously) fear something deep within themselves. Rather than face it and maybe work through it, they prefer to call it "holiness". While they certainly hold sincere beliefs and practice many genuine virtues, they use the faith as a bulwark against identifying and confronting their own personal defects. This is terribly sad. It's also a stunning abuse of religion.

OK people, pile on. I'll take my abuse off the air.

--hide--
No abuse to pile on from me, David. What you say is true. Many adults fear something, a something which probably had its roots in childhood and which never was properly dealt with. And that injury was bandaged haphazardly, which led to a callus or scab. They don't know why they act or believe as they do, or maybe they DO know and feel their action or belief is justified. That comes from a narrow perspective, I think. Because if they risked broadening their perspective, looking at others and themselves from a different stance, they might not like what they see, see things they know they would have to deal with in a different way, CHANGE their attitudes or behaviors, which is hard work and takes time. Laziness is so much easier; our society keeps us busy. Add to that the fear of maybe being "wrong" (ego), and we have a lot of people walking around pointing fingers at others, forgetting that at the same time they do that, three fingers are pointing at themselves.

Sometimes we reflect what is within us; sometimes we reflect what we wish was in us.

Just as self-understanding takes effort, deepening our understanding of our faith/religion takes effort. Combine that with the various limitations each individual may have at any point in time, and you have a lot of people living below their means, so to speak. We're all climbing that ziggurat toward God; each has achieved steps higher or lower than where we are. Some above us might think that shouting directions to ones below is the way to help; some might actually bend down and extend a helpful hand up. Others may think that harsh words, ridicule or the like "help" others in the climb. Where they're mistaken is that they think they're on a step above. What actually happened is that they're standing on their head and up is down, down is up, and they are really below the others they're ridiculing.

Oct 12th 2012 new

If I can't marry up, I'm screwed.
faint faint
laughing laughing

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Bernie-350671 said: If I can't marry up, I'm screwed.
(Quote) Bernie-350671 said:

If I can't marry up, I'm screwed.

--hide--


that's no fun. for 20 years, all i heard from my (ex)wife is that she married "far beneath" herself.



Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: No abuse to pile on from me, David. What you say is true. Many adults fear something, a something ...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

No abuse to pile on from me, David. What you say is true. Many adults fear something, a something which probably had its roots in childhood and which never was properly dealt with. And that injury was bandaged haphazardly, which led to a callus or scab. They don't know why they act or believe as they do, or maybe they DO know and feel their action or belief is justified. That comes from a narrow perspective, I think. Because if they risked broadening their perspective, looking at others and themselves from a different stance, they might not like what they see, see things they know they would have to deal with in a different way, CHANGE their attitudes or behaviors, which is hard work and takes time. Laziness is so much easier; our society keeps us busy. Add to that the fear of maybe being "wrong" (ego), and we have a lot of people walking around pointing fingers at others, forgetting that at the same time they do that, three fingers are pointing at themselves.

Sometimes we reflect what is within us; sometimes we reflect what we wish was in us.

Just as self-understanding takes effort, deepening our understanding of our faith/religion takes effort. Combine that with the various limitations each individual may have at any point in time, and you have a lot of people living below their means, so to speak. We're all climbing that ziggurat toward God; each has achieved steps higher or lower than where we are. Some above us might think that shouting directions to ones below is the way to help; some might actually bend down and extend a helpful hand up. Others may think that harsh words, ridicule or the like "help" others in the climb. Where they're mistaken is that they think they're on a step above. What actually happened is that they're standing on their head and up is down, down is up, and they are really below the others they're ridiculing.

--hide--


thanks. all i'm saying is that we must not justify the worst and most debilitating aspects of our personalities by saying that following them is doing God's will. that is sick.

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: We are all just trying the best we each know how.
(Quote) Karen-712407 said:


We are all just trying the best we each know how.

--hide--


yes we are . . at least those of us who aren't caught in a self-created web of delusions, denial, and dysfunction. the toughest nuts to crack are the ones who truly believe their own monstrous BS.

Oct 12th 2012 new

There's one brutally honest reason that I haven't gotten married: no one has asked! laughing

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Margaret-20183 said: There's one brutally honest reason that I haven't gotten married: no one has asked!...
(Quote) Margaret-20183 said:

There's one brutally honest reason that I haven't gotten married: no one has asked!

--hide--


What on earth is wrong with guys these days? How could anyone pass up a gem like you? (I'm being seious. Not joking.)

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