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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: yes we are . . at least those of us who aren't caught in a self-created web of d...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


yes we are . . at least those of us who aren't caught in a self-created web of delusions, denial, and dysfunction. the toughest nuts to crack are the ones who truly believe their own monstrous BS.

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I think that those caught in that self-created web of delusion, etc ARE doing the best they know how, too. If they knew any better, they would do something about it...but the sad fact is that they DON'T know any better. Love--loving words and actions--could broaden their perspective to be more aware of the truth of their web. Harsh treatment keeps their web tightly wound around them for protection. When we see others believing their own monstrous BS, maybe we can think 2 things: how can I gently help them see something different, and how much of my own monstrous BS am I believing right now? For it may be BS we ourselves are thinking when we view another's beliefs as BS.

Oct 12th 2012 new
(Quote) Patrick-861636 said: I will have to respectfully disagree. As far as I can tell, of all the men that I've talked to and ...
(Quote) Patrick-861636 said:

I will have to respectfully disagree. As far as I can tell, of all the men that I've talked to and by my own personal battles, I'd have to say that #10 outweighs all the others combined.



Simply put, men are terrified of marriage because of divorce. I personally had recurrent nightmares of being cheated on and divorced by a venial, predatory wife. This nightmare started at the age of 12. Considering that I came from a loving and stable family, I dread to know what the children of broken homes suffer.
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#10 is the biggest reason for me too, as someone who has been through the pain of divorce, and I know I will never find the perfect mate (#7), but that doesn't mean I am going to lower my standards or settle by any far stretch of the imagination. I would rather be single for the rest of my life than marry someone that is not a good match for me. Settling is out of the question. I am not happy to be single either, but I am happier single than I was when I was "married". What's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on you; foll me twice, shame on me! I learn from my mistakes, and that makes stepping into it that much more difficult.

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Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: When we see others believing their own monstrous BS, maybe we can think 2 things: how can I gently...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

When we see others believing their own monstrous BS, maybe we can think 2 things: how can I gently help them see something different, and how much of my own monstrous BS am I believing right now? For it may be BS we ourselves are thinking when we view another's beliefs as BS.

--hide--


Thias is why they justify their dysfunction by claiming they are doing God's will. Who can counter that w/o appearing like the devil?

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Thias is why they justify their dysfunction by claiming they are doing God's wil...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


Thias is why they justify their dysfunction by claiming they are doing God's will. Who can counter that w/o appearing like the devil?

--hide--
Love.

Oct 12th 2012 new

1. Skepticism About Love and Marriage - No; I believe in the institution of Marriage, one which I'd love to be committed to.

2. Lack of Faith in In God’s Provision - Not an issue; I need to get out of my own way.

3. Unresolved Issues From the Past - Yes; goes with #6, #8, and #10; it's tough to take that leap of faith.

7. Wanting the Perfect Mate
- Guilty at times; I think as I've gotten older and gained more experience, it's easier to see what truly matters in a potential mate; I've also been on the receiving end in terms of being rejected - women indicating that I don't meet their criteria.

9. An Unbalanced Focus on Career - I'm in somewhat of a "halfway" situation; I have a great position with substantial benefits and income right now, but it's only a year at a time (mobilized Reservist); I have a clear idea of what I want to do after my next year ends, but I still have to settle into a permanent career/residence. If there's a woman out there who can deal with that, I've yet to meet her. It's a leap of faith on her part.


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Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: Fear. Resentment. Selfishness. Lack of faith. These are the major impediments to human success an...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

Fear. Resentment. Selfishness. Lack of faith. These are the major impediments to human success and happiness.


OK people, pile on. I'll take my abuse off the air.

--hide--



You will get no abuse from me, good sir. You are right on the money.

Oct 12th 2012 new

David, sometimes my pile of bs is little, sometimes its just smells monstrous laughing laughing laughing

I'm sorry to digress but I raised three boys whose grandmother took part in their life, words of wisdom from dear mom;

"We all have sh** that stinks, you just have to find someone who's doesn't smell as bad to you" eyebrow embarassed rolling eyes laughing wink

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) Karen-712407 said: David, sometimes my pile of bs is little, sometimes its just smells monstrous I'm sor...
(Quote) Karen-712407 said:

David, sometimes my pile of bs is little, sometimes its just smells monstrous

I'm sorry to digress but I raised three boys whose grandmother took part in their life, words of wisdom from dear mom;

"We all have sh** that stinks, you just have to find someone who's doesn't smell as bad to you"

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Oh Karen! Nothing I said relates to you or your situation.


As Shakespeare said: "To thine own self be true." People who create a web of delusions and lies AND BELIEVE THEM are doing themselves the biggest disservice in the world. The most expensive thing we can buy is our own BS. I see many people who have heavily invested in just that, use God to shore up their hoo-hah, and react with fury when it is challenged. Often they say that I am attacking the virtues they profess to practice - but I am not. I'm trying to get them to see what an elaborate edifice of nonsense they've erected. Claiming I'm attacking virtue is one way they defend their cherished delusions.


Trust me, I have experienced this on a deep and very painful level with a couple women I've known. For this reason I avoid anyone who is above a certain age and has never been either married or in a long-term committed relationship before. That status is fine while we're still young or youngish - but past a certain age some level of experience becomes an absolute requirement. There may be exceptions to this rule, but my guess is they're pretty rare.

Oct 12th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: What on earth is wrong with guys these days? How could anyone pass up a gem like you? (I'm be...
(Quote) David-364112 said:

What on earth is wrong with guys these days? How could anyone pass up a gem like you? (I'm being seious. Not joking.)

--hide--

Keeping with the gem theme, perhaps it's because I'm like a big piece of amber with a bug stuck inside. laughing

Anyhoo...


Lists of reasons to explain behaviors can be useful, but sometimes the real explanations aren't that complicated.

Oct 12th 2012 new

There are a few rare gems everywhere you go, usually they are the flower growing in between the cracks in the rock or concrete flower beauty comes from adversity. So glad you found one along your journey and that you were wise enough to recognize her when you saw her!
Thanks David!!

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