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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Oct 17th 2012 new

Laurel,

Wow. Like you, I have had some big hits in rapid succession. Loss of a nearly 15 year active duty military career in March of this year. Divorce final in March of last year. New career and major move away from support of a great parish and friends in April of this year. Dad's death in May.

Whew... So there's more going on here than "just" divorce and waiting for an annulment.

Prayers sent for you.


Blessings,


Michael

Oct 18th 2012 new
(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Laurel, Wow. Like you, I have had some big hits in rapid succession. Loss o...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

Laurel,





Wow. Like you, I have had some big hits in rapid succession. Loss of a nearly 15 year active duty military career in March of this year. Divorce final in March of last year. New career and major move away from support of a great parish and friends in April of this year. Dad's death in May.



Whew... So there's more going on here than "just" divorce and waiting for an annulment.



Prayers sent for you.






Blessings,




Michael

--hide--


Hi Michael,

My annulment was complex and took about 20 months before it was granted. The paperwork itself is like reliving the best and worst moments of your life all over again - from childhood to the end of a marriage.

On top of that experience and waiting for the result, you ended a military way of life; a divorce; moved away from a Parish that was your religious and cultural center; started a new job.

That is a full plate. Just give yourself some time to adjust and let the dust settle. The good news is that you are creating everything all over - fresh and new. There is much hope in this process.
Oct 18th 2012 new

When I look at all that happened in such a short time, I understand that I still have "work" to do before I am fully at peace before the Lord. I have many to forgive (including myself) and time to spend before the Lord. His timing is perfect. I am trying to take each of the life "changers" one at a time and work through them. Because I have so much work to do, I realize that I probably won't find my life partner anytime real soon. I joined this site because I needed prayers and support. But, I know that God does miraculous things and He could give me that blessing. In His time. I am comfortable with myself and understand my journey. Right now, I need Catholics around me to support me because "outside" the Devil can be very persuasive. My prayers to you to understand your journey and that God will bring great support and love of friends into your life. I feel somewhat alone because my family has dwindled to just 2 of us and I am the one who is returning. Thanks so much for your prayers. I in return will keep you in my prayers.

Oct 18th 2012 new

Hi Nancy,


I spoke to a priest last week about the process. I was married in the church about 35 years ago. When I got my divorce, it was at the recommendation of the priest in which I was counseling with at the time. I was only married less than a year. It is very complicated. The people who were in my life are all gone or I have not been in touch with them for 20 years or so. At the time I got divorced, I did not have "suppport" or understanding of the process and I felt like the church abandoned me. I have a lot to deal with as I return "home". Thank you for your support and prayers.

Oct 18th 2012 new

Laurel,

Thank you for your responses. Prayers sent for you. I love our Catholic faith, though it has been a struggle lately. These forums are helpful in so many ways.

Welcome home.

Oct 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: Yes, Lisa, I had to laugh at Stephen's reply. The thought HAS crossed...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:


Yes, Lisa, I had to laugh at Stephen's reply. The thought HAS crossed my mind. But I'm not sure I could ever be happy with anyone but a Catholic girl now. Thank you for your reply. Trying to keep the faith. It hurts. It isn't easy. I have no idea why this pain is necessary.


God has given me the gift of being an endurance athlete (runner). Training hurts. Training takes much persistence and willpower. Perhaps the gift of being a semi-elite runner has provided the stamina needed to endure this annulment process and singleness.

Michael

--hide--

So, the thought crossed your mind, then I was not so far off base. My mother was a CONVERT! So looking for a nice protestant girl is NOT that far fetched, now is it. My mother wanted to marry my father enough to convert! Frankly, I have wondered if that really isn't the better way to go.

Oct 18th 2012 new

I'll tell you this... I'm simply on fire for our Catholic faith, after coming from nearly 40 years on the Protestant side. So much beauty, so many faithful people. This is unlike anything I ever experienced in any Protestant denomination.

That said... I do like ladies who have been Catholic for awhile. Maybe this is because I'm still rather new, but I do appreciate the special little things Catholic lady friends (and a few of the guys I know) share with me. Sign of the cross on my forehead before a long trip, special prayers, etc. The sense of community is like none I've ever experienced, and there's so much good stuff here for building a family on the right ground.

Of course... winning some Protestant souls could be fun... ;-) (I'm working on my half sis and her Baptist minister husband...)

Oct 19th 2012 new

Michael - I went through the annulment process after 21 years of marriage. We were very young and immature at the time of the marriage. I would have stuck it out but my children were being emotionally abused. I have full custody of my kids, a rare thing for Pennsylvania dads.


The annulment process, it can be long and heart wrenching, was worth it. It gave me complete vindication of what I knew the entire time we were married. That we should have never got married. We had no understanding of a life long committment or what the sacrement of marriage actually means. When the annulment was finalized I made an appointment with the Tribunal and read the entire decision. 11 pages of analysis with the Defender of the Bond saying he was in complete agreement with my petition and had no objections to the granting of the annulment. It was both a very sad and happy day.


I received the final decree in the mail on the same day of what would have been my wedding anniversary. That was hard to absorb and not sure it was a sign from God, but; I'll take it as one.


I have always been close to my children. But, we have developed an tremendous relationship. Something I do not think would have been possible had I stayed in the "marriage".


I have some really down days, thinking of what a mother/father and children family could have been. But, I have never seen my kids this happy. I keep the faith and hope you can too. There is a special person out there, you just haven't met her yet.


I wish you all the best.

Oct 20th 2012 new

Stephen,

You throw away the faith pretty easily. Why are you on this site, be a man for God's sake. I'm going through the review on my annulment and carrying your cross is the only way to heaven, there is no other way and the truth can hurt sometime.

For all who are keeping the faiththeheart

much love,
JJC
we can be so selfish if we direct our thoughts inward more than outward to our brothers and sisters who need us.

Oct 20th 2012 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: So, at what point does one just give up on ever having the family life he or she had hoped for?...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

So, at what point does one just give up on ever having the family life he or she had hoped for?

Evidently my diocese is backlogged with annulments (sad enough), and I've been waiting for a very long time (about 18 months since completing the paperwork and beginning to obtain what limited affidavits I could, given that nobody knew "us"). It seems like Catholic ladies I've met in person and here won't have anything to do with a divorced man... so why even try for the annulment (likely to be granted, just taking time)?

I'm very, very frustrated with the annulment process... and feel as though, at nearly 40 and not even able to date, there is virtually no chance of someone special coming into my life. No chance for having the family I'd prayed for for years before ever pondering marriage or subsequently finding the Catholic faith. No chance for really being loved. Life was not supposed to be this way.


Add to this the heartbreak of running into so many "Catholics" at work and elsewhere who claim the faith, but don't live it. I guess, when I came into the faith last year, I knew there were some who were outliers... but I've been sheltered from them by being around guys who DO take our faith seriously.

I've had a great Catholic lady friend for a couple years... the woman who introduced me to this wonderful faith a couple years ago...but she is not planning to remarry. She has children and is content living her life for them... her decision and I support her, though it was painful to hear she would never be one I might pursue for marriage. Meanwhile, it seems as though Catholicism is made for families, and I'm excluded. Everything I'm learning and seeing (That Man Is You program attendance at my parish, and simply observing folks at mass) is of a man's role toward his family, marriage, and having children. There are lots of Catholic couples at church... and good Catholic ladies are in seemingly short supply.

The heartbreak of not having a family with children has been substantial and is actually being driven deeper as I'm reminded of being alone every time I attend mass. Still, I go. Daily, oftentimes, as my work schedule frequently allows morning mass attendance on weekdays. And, I'm active in TMIY, Christ Renews His Parish, and probably will be filling another church need by starting a new ministry soon.

I don't want to fall away from the church, but it seems like there is so little hope of ever experiencing God's grace and the miracle of fulfilling Catholic marriage. Some guys seem to recover from bad marriages, as evidenced by some of the witnesses given at the CRHP retreat I attended early this month, but it just seems like such a small possibility.

Michael

--hide--


Michael,

My heart goes out to you.

Try to see the annulment questions and the answers you gave as helping you deepen your faith. I found much greater spiritual happiness when I saw the process as John helping John rather than any other way of looking at it.

Also, remember that you are living at a point in time. You see but one piece of the plan of your life. You see but one moment in your life - though with the memories of the past moments.

We don't call it a hilltop because all of the land is the same height. We call it a hilltop because it is land surrounded by valleys. Do not sacrifice your hopes and dreams to reach the hilltop while you are walking in the thickets that grow in the valleys.

Finally, thank you for serving our country and defending us. I really appreciate what you have done.

- John

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