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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Dec 3rd 2012 new

Father and I ended up having a long talk yesterday because I was sitting in the parish hall and didn't want to go to religion class. I sent my son in to his, and I had been helping teach, but yesterday I just couldn't do it. It hits me very hard this time of year that I only have one little boy to send in to learn faith, and I just couldn't take a day of teaching kids or listening to people counting their blessings, when all I can think is "I'm 30 years old. I should be at the peak of family life, doing everything my mother did - and instead I'm trying to start again going to graduate school and being a single mom." Not that I resent my son - he's a wonderful child - but I sometimes get that sense of being "outside" too, it's especially apparent now that days of obligation are everywhere so even the folks that don't normally show are filling the pews.

Father advised me just to take it one day at a time, pray every day to keep going, and to try and look at the positive instead of the negative. It's the same old advice but if people keep giving it, perhaps that's because it's all we can do. Hang in there.

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Katherine-868943 said: Father and I ended up having a long talk yesterday because I was sitting in the parish hall a...
(Quote) Katherine-868943 said:

Father and I ended up having a long talk yesterday because I was sitting in the parish hall and didn't want to go to religion class. I sent my son in to his, and I had been helping teach, but yesterday I just couldn't do it. It hits me very hard this time of year that I only have one little boy to send in to learn faith, and I just couldn't take a day of teaching kids or listening to people counting their blessings, when all I can think is "I'm 30 years old. I should be at the peak of family life, doing everything my mother did - and instead I'm trying to start again going to graduate school and being a single mom." Not that I resent my son - he's a wonderful child - but I sometimes get that sense of being "outside" too, it's especially apparent now that days of obligation are everywhere so even the folks that don't normally show are filling the pews.

Father advised me just to take it one day at a time, pray every day to keep going, and to try and look at the positive instead of the negative. It's the same old advice but if people keep giving it, perhaps that's because it's all we can do. Hang in there.

--hide--


God bless you, Katherine.

Dec 4th 2012 new

For me, my daughter gives me purpose. I hear people feeling outside the church, but I have found that God has so many things that he wants me to do.

That call to help teach Sunday school is a great thing. Last night I got a call from the Deacon at my old parish asking me to come up and help with they a retreat they are having.

Not that being single isn't tough, but we have to trust that God has a plan for us. And we also have to recognize that for God to fulfill his plan for us, we have to allow God to heal us first. This time of being single can really be a time of great healing, if we will only open ourselves to a deeper prayer life and relationship with God. Ask God to heal any fears, angers, and unforgiveness that you might have about the divorce. You'll probably have to do it everyday. But, God will heal us and allow us to blossom, if we only let Him.

God Bless,

Will

Dec 4th 2012 new

Don't give up! That annument is worth it, and the time it takes to gain approval may give you time to develop in other ways. My annulment process was not perfect, but it answered many questins for me. It caused me to think, to reflect, mature and grow in my faith.

I understand that it is not comfortable for us to appear in church by ourselves, to be the single mom/dad takin kids to a Catholic event, for our children to grow up as the "exception" rather than the "rule." But I believe that we single people are leavening, we are reality checks, for our parishes. We are witnesses to the Mystical Body of Christ, just as we are.

Dec 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Michael-780154 said: So, at what point does one just give up on ever having the family life he or she had hoped for?...
(Quote) Michael-780154 said:

So, at what point does one just give up on ever having the family life he or she had hoped for?

Evidently my diocese is backlogged with annulments (sad enough), and I've been waiting for a very long time (about 18 months since completing the paperwork and beginning to obtain what limited affidavits I could, given that nobody knew "us"). It seems like Catholic ladies I've met in person and here won't have anything to do with a divorced man... so why even try for the annulment (likely to be granted, just taking time)?

I'm very, very frustrated with the annulment process... and feel as though, at nearly 40 and not even able to date, there is virtually no chance of someone special coming into my life. No chance for having the family I'd prayed for for years before ever pondering marriage or subsequently finding the Catholic faith. No chance for really being loved. Life was not supposed to be this way.


Add to this the heartbreak of running into so many "Catholics" at work and elsewhere who claim the faith, but don't live it. I guess, when I came into the faith last year, I knew there were some who were outliers... but I've been sheltered from them by being around guys who DO take our faith seriously.

I've had a great Catholic lady friend for a couple years... the woman who introduced me to this wonderful faith a couple years ago...but she is not planning to remarry. She has children and is content living her life for them... her decision and I support her, though it was painful to hear she would never be one I might pursue for marriage. Meanwhile, it seems as though Catholicism is made for families, and I'm excluded. Everything I'm learning and seeing (That Man Is You program attendance at my parish, and simply observing folks at mass) is of a man's role toward his family, marriage, and having children. There are lots of Catholic couples at church... and good Catholic ladies are in seemingly short supply.

The heartbreak of not having a family with children has been substantial and is actually being driven deeper as I'm reminded of being alone every time I attend mass. Still, I go. Daily, oftentimes, as my work schedule frequently allows morning mass attendance on weekdays. And, I'm active in TMIY, Christ Renews His Parish, and probably will be filling another church need by starting a new ministry soon.

I don't want to fall away from the church, but it seems like there is so little hope of ever experiencing God's grace and the miracle of fulfilling Catholic marriage. Some guys seem to recover from bad marriages, as evidenced by some of the witnesses given at the CRHP retreat I attended early this month, but it just seems like such a small possibility.

Michael

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Father's sermon this morning included an interesting quote: Hope is to the soul as oxygen is to the lungs. I will pray for you and your intentions! A lady would be very blessed to have you for her husband!

Dec 9th 2012 new

I will not give my opinion on annulments . but believe in the Direction of Second Vatican Council . my main concern is my fourteen year old son if that special someone comes into my life that will be a plus . my son is what matters now .

Jan 5th 2013 new

(Quote) Carmen-910629 said: Hi Michael, welcome to my world + 5! If I'm on the West Coast and you're on the E...
(Quote) Carmen-910629 said:

Hi Michael,

welcome to my world + 5! If I'm on the West Coast and you're on the East Coast, imagine how many lonely people are sandwiched in between! My story is similar only I have 5 young children to carry through it. If you think being a divorced man is causing the ladies to hesitate, imagine a divorced woman with 5 children. I might as well have leprosy! Going to their extra-curricular activities makes it worse. I'm sorry to hear about your lady friend; again, I have a similar situation. Divorced friend so damaged by his previous wife and the havoc she still wreaks on him that he is happy to live for his children only. I'm a people person and will stumble and get up until my last breath. God has to have something better out there for me. If he would die such a horrible death for me, this can't be that hard, right? I just need to be really, really, reallllllly patient.

Know that you are in my prayers on the West Coast.

God Bless

C

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Carmen, I am just catching up here. Thank you so much for your post. I have no issues with a woman with children, who has her priorities straight concerning marriage and her new husband... so your situation is not a showstopper for men who are trusting and who feel valued by you.

Thank you for your prayers,


Michael

Jan 20th 2013 new
Michael, I really feel your pain. To begin with, I'm working on year 3 of divorce settlementproceedings (separated June 09, the marriage was bifurcated July 10, final Dec 10 and, separate trials on various settlement issues, annulment process. I have not been shunned but I didn't feel like I belonged. I moved to a real small parish that's very community oriented and I found a good fit. Spiritually try visiting other parishes. My mom belongs to a church.that is very senior focused. My sons prefer a Newman center experience. This is the beauty of our Catholic faith, the cultural experienced can be so varied from one parish to another...even between a parishes Mass offerings. As long as the liturgy is sound you may want to check out other parishes.
Jan 21st 2013 new

Agreeing with everyone above who says, "Keep the faith! Run the race!" (marathon??) I just received word from the first court on my annulment, that it was positive, and on to the second court in the neighboring archdiocese. After submitting my initial stuff and all my witnesses getting their stuff in (that took almost a year total) I too was waiting and waiting. Our diocese does everything by snail mail, and one judge at a time. Several judges I believe are also double-booked as pastors of parishes. Not sure what the case is in your diocese, but my advocate at the tribunal was very good at communicating with me via email whenever i needed a status update. Frequently it was just that she didn't realize how much time was passing with my file on someone's desk corner, so she would call them and give them a deadline and that helped keep things progressing. Just like my divorce, where I had to stay on top of it every step of the way or it wouldn't happen, so too with the annulment. Again, best to tread carefully unless you have had facetime with your advocate and clarify when/how often it is appropriate to check in with the process. I have a very different perspective now though, because there was beauty and joy to be found in the waiting - not the waiting itself, mind you, but WITHIN the waiting. I encourage you to pray for increased faith (Proverbs 3:5-6) in God's will and in His Church and the ministers who are called by Him to serve at the tribunal. Remember, the Holy Spirit Himself is in charge of your annullment process and pray for the judges that they will hear and listen to His promptings. MANY PRAYERS COMING YOUR WAY. - from mother-of-five-at-home

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