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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

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"Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a culture that encourages teens to have sex."

www.uscatholic.org


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Above are a couple of articles I looked up to give me insight. He is ten now, but it won't be long and really, I am not looking forward to it as a single mom of a boy. I want him to know God is the author of sex and that it belongs in marriage to ensure happiness, etc. I can't rely on my ex to give him the correct information or any information. Indeed, I once found pornography in our house, so I worry that he will be mislead there by that side of his family..... though I think my son will rely more on my words.....it doesn't help that the second article I posted says the same sex parent should be the one to give the talk. And before anyone suggest it....there are no family members that I would trust to give this talk. I was hoping to be remarried to a good man by the time he got to be this age, but that apparently is not in the cards anymore, so I'll be doing this myself too.....any thoughts?

Oct 29th 2012 new

Hi Cheryl,

is his Godfather an active part of his life?

Oct 29th 2012 new
Hi Cheryl! My boys are 8 & 9, I'll soon be facing the same dilemma. My kids already ask me questions & I'm always very open & honest with them. I want them to feel like they can come to me with any questions. Some of the things they ask are hard for me to answer & sometimes I feel lost for words. I also can't rely on their dad to give them the correct info. He's not Catholic & doesn't play a very active role in their upbringing. I am very close with my family though & I'm sure my dad or brother would be happy to help me. I'm sure my kids would be more comfortable talking about this with someone of the same sex, but not all of us have that luxury. Maybe a God-parent or trusted family friend could help? If not, I'm sure God will give you the strength & grace to have this conversation with your son. I'll be praying for you! Praying
Oct 29th 2012 new

No Godfather....my relatives aren't Catholic. When he was baptized, a single female friend of mine was Godmother...she lives in TX.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: Hi Cheryl! My boys are 8 & 9, I'll soon be facing the same dilemma. My kids already ask me que...
(Quote) Valerie-880801 said: Hi Cheryl! My boys are 8 & 9, I'll soon be facing the same dilemma. My kids already ask me questions & I'm always very open & honest with them. I want them to feel like they can come to me with any questions. Some of the things they ask are hard for me to answer & sometimes I feel lost for words. I also can't rely on their dad to give them the correct info. He's not Catholic & doesn't play a very active role in their upbringing. I am very close with my family though & I'm sure my dad or brother would be happy to help me. I'm sure my kids would be more comfortable talking about this with someone of the same sex, but not all of us have that luxury. Maybe a God-parent or trusted family friend could help? If not, I'm sure God will give you the strength & grace to have this conversation with your son. I'll be praying for you!
--hide--




Thanks...yea, I don't have any relatives I'd trust with the same values I believe in.... and there is no God-father....I really don't know anyone. I guess it will be up to me. I probably have a couple of years before I need to do it....but then again they start hearing stuff in junior high too, so I don't know. I hear it is better to do it early than for them to hear it from someone else, but then I also hear that you should let them ask you and answer their questions as they ask.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: Thanks...yea, I don't have any relatives I'd trust with the same values ...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:





Thanks...yea, I don't have any relatives I'd trust with the same values I believe in.... and there is no God-father....I really don't know anyone. I guess it will be up to me. I probably have a couple of years before I need to do it....but then again they start hearing stuff in junior high too, so I don't know. I hear it is better to do it early than for them to hear it from someone else, but then I also hear that you should let them ask you and answer their questions as they ask.

--hide--


I have talked to my son and daughter about sex since they were about 10. I want them to be able to discuss it openly. I also wanted to go over what they learned in the "movie" at school and how it differs from our values. (This is part of their health class and I asked to view it before I signed the permission slip for them to see it.) They also had a project where they had to care for a baby doll for a week. That kind of responsibility is too much and they don't want any part of it right now.

Before a sports physical, I talked to my son's doctor and let him know there wasn't a male in his life to talk about the physical changes his body was going through to see if he would answer any questions that he wasn't comfortable talking to me about. He was happy to. And as his faith formation teacher, I've also been able to discuss sexuality before and after our classes. While it may be embarrassing at times, I do insist that if they are not comfortable talking to me, that they have another adult that they can go to. I was very surprised when my neighbor's daughter started dating at 16 yet they had never discussed their values regarding sex with her. They asked me to talk about boundaries with her.

I push the respect aspect. The opportunities and the urges are going to be there, I want them to respect themselves and their friends enough to not act on them. My son has his first girlfriend. I am like the only mom that wouldn't let him take her to an "R" rated movie on his first official date. I've gotten a lot of grief from him about it, but he knows that I love him. There will be a time for all these things, just not at 14. Good luck.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I have talked to my son and daughter about sex since they were about 10. I want them to b...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



I have talked to my son and daughter about sex since they were about 10. I want them to be able to discuss it openly. I also wanted to go over what they learned in the "movie" at school and how it differs from our values. (This is part of their health class and I asked to view it before I signed the permission slip for them to see it.) They also had a project where they had to care for a baby doll for a week. That kind of responsibility is too much and they don't want any part of it right now.

Before a sports physical, I talked to my son's doctor and let him know there wasn't a male in his life to talk about the physical changes his body was going through to see if he would answer any questions that he wasn't comfortable talking to me about. He was happy to. And as his faith formation teacher, I've also been able to discuss sexuality before and after our classes. While it may be embarrassing at times, I do insist that if they are not comfortable talking to me, that they have another adult that they can go to. I was very surprised when my neighbor's daughter started dating at 16 yet they had never discussed their values regarding sex with her. They asked me to talk about boundaries with her.

I push the respect aspect. The opportunities and the urges are going to be there, I want them to respect themselves and their friends enough to not act on them. My son has his first girlfriend. I am like the only mom that wouldn't let him take her to an "R" rated movie on his first official date. I've gotten a lot of grief from him about it, but he knows that I love him. There will be a time for all these things, just not at 14. Good luck.

--hide--
Thanks Kathy for sharing.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: "Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a cult...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

"Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a culture that encourages teens to have sex."

www.uscatholic.org


www.google.com



Above are a couple of articles I looked up to give me insight. He is ten now, but it won't be long and really, I am not looking forward to it as a single mom of a boy. I want him to know God is the author of sex and that it belongs in marriage to ensure happiness, etc. I can't rely on my ex to give him the correct information or any information. Indeed, I once found pornography in our house, so I worry that he will be mislead there by that side of his family..... though I think my son will rely more on my words.....it doesn't help that the second article I posted says the same sex parent should be the one to give the talk. And before anyone suggest it....there are no family members that I would trust to give this talk. I was hoping to be remarried to a good man by the time he got to be this age, but that apparently is not in the cards anymore, so I'll be doing this myself too.....any thoughts?

--hide--
Cheryl, I was cleaning my 14-year old son's room when I saw 4 copies of "Playboy Magazine." I took the copies and waited till he come home from school. When he arrived I called him to sit beside me and talked about the magazine. He blushed. I told him not to be ashamed because actually I am happy that he is not gay. I explained to him that sex is the best gift God ever given to humanity and to experience it to the fullest is with the woman he chose to marry. Doing it outside of marriage could have a lot of repercussion that because of his age he could ruin his future. He listened and he let me kept the copies with a request that he would know where I put them for he might want to see them again. I did what he requested. When he had a surgery from aneurysm at age 24, half of his body became semi-paralyzed because a part of his brain was flooded with blood that it had to be removed. He worried about his capacity to have sex because of the paralysis. He confided to me about his concern. I told him to check it, but he said he could not do it in the hospital room because nurses are coming in unannounced. So I asked for a pass to allow him to go home during the week end to check it in his room. When he came out from his room he was smiling. He said he still has it. My son and I are buddies, we talk about everything including sex and without malice. You can do that. Set up a nice opening and talk to him matter-of-factly. One example: My son practice his Karate skills with me, whenever he tackled me, it would always be at the side near my breast. I told him "You are practicing with me huh...? We just laughed. Now that he is married I ask his wife about my son. She said he is a very good and loving husband and father.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said: Cheryl, I was cleaning my 14-year old son's room when I saw 4 copies of "Playboy Ma...
(Quote) Liberacion-894835 said:

Cheryl, I was cleaning my 14-year old son's room when I saw 4 copies of "Playboy Magazine." I took the copies and waited till he come home from school. When he arrived I called him to sit beside me and talked about the magazine. He blushed. I told him not to be ashamed because actually I am happy that he is not gay. I explained to him that sex is the best gift God ever given to humanity and to experience it to the fullest is with the woman he chose to marry. Doing it outside of marriage could have a lot of repercussion that because of his age he could ruin his future. He listened and he let me kept the copies with a request that he would know where I put them for he might want to see them again. I did what he requested. When he had a surgery from aneurysm at age 24, half of his body became semi-paralyzed because a part of his brain was flooded with blood that it had to be removed. He worried about his capacity to have sex because of the paralysis. He confided to me about his concern. I told him to check it, but he said he could not do it in the hospital room because nurses are coming in unannounced. So I asked for a pass to allow him to go home during the week end to check it in his room. When he came out from his room he was smiling. He said he still has it. My son and I are buddies, we talk about everything including sex and without malice. You can do that. Set up a nice opening and talk to him matter-of-factly. One example: My son practice his Karate skills with me, whenever he tackled me, it would always be at the side near my breast. I told him "You are practicing with me huh...? We just laughed. Now that he is married I ask his wife about my son. She said he is a very good and loving husband and father.

--hide--

You think it's a good thing that you allowed your 14 year old son to have access to porn and that you encouraged him (as an adult) to commit a grave sin to satisfy his curiosity?

Kids can find buddies anywhere; not so parents. Parents need to focus on being parents, not buddies.

Oct 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: You think it's a good thing that you allowed your 14 year old son to have access to p...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

You think it's a good thing that you allowed your 14 year old son to have access to porn and that you encouraged him (as an adult) to commit a grave sin to satisfy his curiosity?

Kids can find buddies anywhere; not so parents. Parents need to focus on being parents, not buddies.

--hide--
Jerry, I don't know with you, but I am not malicious about sex. In fact I published a book about sex and I don't have qualms about how it is being regarded. I think of pornography as a perversion and a frailty of being human. Pope John Paul II in his "Theology of the Body" is very candid in his discussion of human sexuality. I am not one of those who chased Mary Magdalene with stones because Jesus Christ said "Who among you has not sinned cast the first stone" and who am I to judge anyones action. I did not ENCOURAGE MY SON TO COMMIT GRAVE SIN TO SATISFY HIS CURIOSITY. I guided him in his curiosity and thank God he is a very responsible male. He was an Altar boy, and Usher and is active in the church. I have had a husband but he never spent time playing with his son, so I took the role so that my son will know athletics. I play basketball, boxing, karate, soccer with him. I was very watchful how my children are doing in life. In fact, when he got his first job, he bought a house because I encourage him, instead of squandering his money with women.

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