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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Oct 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: (Quote) Daniel-634934 said: Sorry Cheryl, all I can offer is to offer som...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

Quote:
Daniel-634934 said:

Sorry Cheryl, all I can offer is to offer some prayers for you


Well, prayers is good thank you....I definitely need them as a single parent. I'm open for advice too though on whether to bring it up or wait.....

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Sometimes it is best to just get it over with so I say go ahead and bring it up. As far as the prayers, I like to think of myself as the patron saint of single parents angel

We will see...lol

Oct 30th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: "Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a cult...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

"Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a culture that encourages teens to have sex."

www.uscatholic.org

www.google.com

Above are a couple of articles I looked up to give me insight. He is ten now, but it won't be long and really, I am not looking forward to it as a single mom of a boy. I want him to know God is the author of sex and that it belongs in marriage to ensure happiness, etc. I can't rely on my ex to give him the correct information or any information. Indeed, I once found pornography in our house, so I worry that he will be mislead there by that side of his family..... though I think my son will rely more on my words.....it doesn't help that the second article I posted says the same sex parent should be the one to give the talk. And before anyone suggest it....there are no family members that I would trust to give this talk. I was hoping to be remarried to a good man by the time he got to be this age, but that apparently is not in the cards anymore, so I'll be doing this myself too.....any thoughts?

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Cheryl, might be helpful to find a good male role model for your son, be it a good, holy man at your parish or maybe one of your parish priests could help out.

Jason and Crystalina Everett from Catholic Answers have lots of material regarding sex, marriage and relationships that might be helpful to you on their Chastity.com website. Ten might be a bit young for some of the things on this website, but it's and excellent source for material and it is aimed at the teen age group. Here's a link...

chastity.com

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Dan-28682 said: Cheryl, might be helpful to find a good male role model for your son, be it a good, holy...
(Quote) Dan-28682 said:




Cheryl, might be helpful to find a good male role model for your son, be it a good, holy man at your parish or maybe one of your parish priests could help out.

Jason and Crystalina Everett from Catholic Answers have lots of material regarding sex, marriage and relationships that might be helpful to you on their Chastity.com website. Ten might be a bit young for some of the things on this website, but it's and excellent source for material and it is aimed at the teen age group. Here's a link...

chastity.com

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My parish is extremely small and slim pickings when it comes to available men with morals and either way I don't know anyone well enough to trust with my son....I'm just going to have to do it when the time comes. Thanks for the information.

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Daniel-634934 said: Sometimes it is best to just get it over with so I say go ahead and bring it up. As far...
(Quote) Daniel-634934 said:

Sometimes it is best to just get it over with so I say go ahead and bring it up. As far as the prayers, I like to think of myself as the patron saint of single parents

We will see...lol

--hide--
Thanks!

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: I think the fear is that it seemed like you were ok with the pornography since you kept it....we...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

I think the fear is that it seemed like you were ok with the pornography since you kept it....we do have to educate our children as you say, but implying pornography is ok when it treats women like objects is not good ....pornography hurts children and women. I want my son to grow up to respect his wife first and foremost and know she isn't an object....God is the author of sex. He created sex but it is meant to be an intimate and a private part of the marriage.....not in a magazine. I do really appreciate your contribution and sharing....it is a big deal to take chances on a forum when we do so and I don't want you to feel that you shouldn't, and I was ok with most of your answer and am glad that you helped your son through illness. My concern is the pornography....grave sin aside, it objectifies women and hurts people so that someone can get rich while also promoting sin and sex as the objective rather than the bonding, etc....Catholic values if followed will help both the male and female to be happy and while the Church does believe in sex in marriage as you say it doesn't believe in it outside of marriage or in porn for very good reason....it harms. I want my son to be happy....I didn't have the fortune to have married someone who was raised right....I don't want to do that to him or his wife.

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Well said, Cheryl. I wouldn't have kept the magazines for this reason. I know that adolescent immaturity doesn't carry the gravity of a mortal sin, but I would have to let him know that it is disrespectful to view women in such a manner. You stated it beautifully.

No one loves your son as much as you do. Trust that what you need to tell him will better come from you than anyone else. I had asked a man I worked with how it was he was such a perfect gentleman. It turned out his dad had died when he was quite young. He is a wonderful son and takes good care of his mom. He treats all women with the utmost respect. I believe our sons will be like that, too.

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Honestly, I tend to discuss it just like it is discussing any other normal part of life. I don...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Honestly, I tend to discuss it just like it is discussing any other normal part of life. I don't make it a special discussion. It's worked into daily conversation with both my 17 son and 9 year old daughter. My feeling is that it needs discussed often. Just like they need to be reminded to brush teeth or do chores, they may need a few hundred small discussions about sex. I feel like it makes them more secure in their knowledge, and it makes them feel not so awkward coming to me first to ask questions rather than going to some friend or other family member. I would not want a family member discussing sex with my kids, because they may believe something different, and I really want to make sure my kids come to me.

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I think your approach is very rational, healthy and responsible. Another alternative for the single mother is to ask a priest to talk to her son about sex.

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: Well said, Cheryl. I wouldn't have kept the magazines for this reason. I know that ad...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



Well said, Cheryl. I wouldn't have kept the magazines for this reason. I know that adolescent immaturity doesn't carry the gravity of a mortal sin, but I would have to let him know that it is disrespectful to view women in such a manner. You stated it beautifully.

No one loves your son as much as you do. Trust that what you need to tell him will better come from you than anyone else. I had asked a man I worked with how it was he was such a perfect gentleman. It turned out his dad had died when he was quite young. He is a wonderful son and takes good care of his mom. He treats all women with the utmost respect. I believe our sons will be like that, too.

--hide--


"I know that adolescent immaturity doesn't carry the gravity of a mortal sin..."


Are you suggesting that an adolescent is incapable of committing a mortal sin?

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) John-857142 said: "I know that adolescent immaturity doesn't carry the gravity of a mortal sin...
(Quote) John-857142 said:


"I know that adolescent immaturity doesn't carry the gravity of a mortal sin..."


Are you suggesting that an adolescent is incapable of committing a mortal sin?

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No. I didn't infer that at all. A sin is a knowing and deliberate violation of God's law. Those are the three conditions for any sin (knowledge, consent and violations of God's law. ) For it to be mortal it must involve grave matter.

The Catechism explains that there may be subjective mitigating factors.

"2352 [138] To form an equitable judgement about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability."


Ultimately it depends on God's intervention and grace. My opinion has nothing to do with it. smile

Oct 31st 2012 new

I think the best approach with our children is to talk to them at their level. Ten years old is pretty young to get into all the details regarding chastity. It is not too young to ask if they know if any of their friends have a girlfriend. (My kids could name people in 4th grade who were dating.) Their version of dating being quite different than our own. But by asking, and talking and keeping those lines of communication open, you become priveleged to learn where they are at and what they are thinking. It's gives us an opportunity to discuss our views. And by talking often and reinforcing values, they will remember and learn.

For instance, for my son's whole life, I have said that if he wants someone to do something and they say "no", he needs to respect that. It applies differently now than it did when he was much younger. Also, I have enacted scenario's for saying no to drugs. I have given them the reply to use when asked. "I'm too smart to do anything that dumb." When they go someplace on their own, unsupervised, we go over the rules, "You are not alone out there, you represent your family. Never do anything that would not make me proud of you." Even his friends (I give a lot of rides) will chime in and repeat it as soon as I say the words, "Now remember."

Learning about sexuality is no different than any life lesson. It is about open communication, asking the tough questions and teaching them our values. I was shocked to learn that my neighbors had never discussed their values with their daughter whom they had found out had a boyfriend when she was 16. They were freaking out after catching him leaving their home. I asked if they ever taught her boundaries, they hadn't and asked me to discuss it with her. (She is at my house a lot, so she has heard many of my conversations regarding this.) I teach my children to respect themselves and others. Words their friends use are not allowed. Movies their friends see are not permitted. I'm not naive enough to know I can protect them from everything. But I am concerned enough to give them the tools to help them for when I can't be there.

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: I think the best approach with our children is to talk to them at their level. Ten years old is p...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:

I think the best approach with our children is to talk to them at their level. Ten years old is pretty young to get into all the details regarding chastity. It is not too young to ask if they know if any of their friends have a girlfriend. (My kids could name people in 4th grade who were dating.) Their version of dating being quite different than our own. But by asking, and talking and keeping those lines of communication open, you become priveleged to learn where they are at and what they are thinking. It's gives us an opportunity to discuss our views. And by talking often and reinforcing values, they will remember and learn.

For instance, for my son's whole life, I have said that if he wants someone to do something and they say "no", he needs to respect that. It applies differently now than it did when he was much younger. Also, I have enacted scenario's for saying no to drugs. I have given them the reply to use when asked. "I'm too smart to do anything that dumb." When they go someplace on their own, unsupervised, we go over the rules, "You are not alone out there, you represent your family. Never do anything that would not make me proud of you." Even his friends (I give a lot of rides) will chime in and repeat it as soon as I say the words, "Now remember."

Learning about sexuality is no different than any life lesson. It is about open communication, asking the tough questions and teaching them our values. I was shocked to learn that my neighbors had never discussed their values with their daughter whom they had found out had a boyfriend when she was 16. They were freaking out after catching him leaving their home. I asked if they ever taught her boundaries, they hadn't and asked me to discuss it with her. (She is at my house a lot, so she has heard many of my conversations regarding this.) I teach my children to respect themselves and others. Words their friends use are not allowed. Movies their friends see are not permitted. I'm not naive enough to know I can protect them from everything. But I am concerned enough to give them the tools to help them for when I can't be there.

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Yes Kathy, I am with your approach to guiding our children. When my son was in his adolescence, I told him not to insult a girl who approach him for friendship be she a black, Asian, Hispanic,or a white girl. Respect her like you respect your sister, your mother, and yourself. She is also human. Now his friends are multi-racial and he is there for them in case they are discriminated. When he goes out with his co-workers during lunch break, he gathers all the left-overs and hand them to the beggars on their way back to the office. He even helped an old lady fix her tires in spite of the traffic. They are the kind of children that will walk an extra mile with you.

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