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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:He is ten now, but it won't be long and really,
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:He is ten now, but it won't be long and really,

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Cheryl, I hate to say it, but, don't wait. Even if you could count on your ex and your family to respect your wishes, someone else's kid is probably already talking to your son about sex. This was true 30-40 years ago when I was his age and we all know how much more is out there now. You know your son best so you have to judge what to tell him and when. Personally, I don't think you have to be real graphic. But, I think you need to be clear that you have expectations about how he should respect himself and others, and what his duty to God is. Hopefully he'll see you as the person he can trust most for advice and guidance.

Oct 31st 2012 new

(Quote) John-132457 said: Cheryl, I hate to say it, but, don't wait. Even if you could count on your ex and you...
(Quote) John-132457 said:

Cheryl, I hate to say it, but, don't wait. Even if you could count on your ex and your family to respect your wishes, someone else's kid is probably already talking to your son about sex. This was true 30-40 years ago when I was his age and we all know how much more is out there now. You know your son best so you have to judge what to tell him and when. Personally, I don't think you have to be real graphic. But, I think you need to be clear that you have expectations about how he should respect himself and others, and what his duty to God is. Hopefully he'll see you as the person he can trust most for advice and guidance.

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We are reading here a man's point of view, and I say he is right. Regardless if our son is 10 years old or less, nowadays his curiosity about sex is already challenged. Didn't we sometimes sit at the living room viewing a movie with our spouse and suddenly a kissing scene was on the screen when our son or daughter happens to pass by? We might as well let them sit beside us and tell them what that scene is all about, the right way of course, than for them to think otherwise. I am not talking about pornography on the screen, the kissing scene as part of the story.

Nov 1st 2012 new

Cheryl, this is my last post on this thread.

You would know better about your son. Just keep a watchful eyes, because it is not only about sex that he will be exposed to; there are other things - drugs, burglary, scams, etc... The examples I posted here was just showing you that because of what I did, I gain my son's trust that even during the time that he was confronted with an issue about sex during his adult life, he run to me for help because he knows I am always with him no matter what. I almost lost him when he was 4 years old. He was drown in a swimming pool. It was timely that I saw him. From that time on he would not go back to the pool to swim. What I did, I took him back to the pool, let him float again, did it again and again until he got back the confidence. One time when he was 14, boys 17 and 18 took him to a store to shoplift. When the guard saw them, the big guy left him to the guard. The guard gave me a call in the middle of my catering activities. I went to the store and told the guard who he was with. It was good that the store has a policy of contacting the parents first before the authorities if the child is below 14 years old; my son said to him he was 12 (he was tiny and cute then) From then one he was afraid to go back to the store. I took him back to the store holding his sweaty hand and I assured him nothing would happen there. I did it again and again until he got back his confidence. I admire your concern and I would say you are a very good mother. Be a friend to him first. Gain his trust and confidence. What I told him when he got his first job? I told him to buy a house, he will be the model to his friends and girls will be going after him. He married a a conservative, demure, accountant. She not one of the girls who chased him.

Nov 4th 2012 new

I agree with the prevailiing wisdom of the responses. Regardless of ones past experience or excuse, pornography is a grave evil, and any sex outside of sacred matrimony is morally wrong. That is according to the teaching of our church and the spoken word of Jesus Christ in the gospel. Pornography is part of the distructive cycle of lust, permissive sex, and abortion, all encouraged in this culture of death.

Nov 18th 2012 new

(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said: "Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a cult...
(Quote) Cheryl-409772 said:

"Discussions with the teens include the realities of trying to live a chaste life in a culture that encourages teens to have sex."

www.uscatholic.org


www.google.com



Above are a couple of articles I looked up to give me insight. He is ten now, but it won't be long and really, I am not looking forward to it as a single mom of a boy. I want him to know God is the author of sex and that it belongs in marriage to ensure happiness, etc. I can't rely on my ex to give him the correct information or any information. Indeed, I once found pornography in our house, so I worry that he will be mislead there by that side of his family..... though I think my son will rely more on my words.....it doesn't help that the second article I posted says the same sex parent should be the one to give the talk. And before anyone suggest it....there are no family members that I would trust to give this talk. I was hoping to be remarried to a good man by the time he got to be this age, but that apparently is not in the cards anymore, so I'll be doing this myself too.....any thoughts?

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Yup! My kids were embarassed when I started having these conversations with them. yes, I said conversations... I told them in the beginning conversation that God designed them as a person with a mind, a body, and a soul and as those pertained to their sexuality I would be coviering all of those aspects with them as to why God designed sex to be maintained only within the confines of marriage. I have a tendency to be chatty so...I kind of practiced the ideas in my head so I could try to boil them down to simple things and not have the conversations drag on. Kind of like the police officer saying... Just stick to the facts maam...lol After they had the info...life offered me the opportunities to reenforce those ideas as they grew. I'd say...remember how I said we are a mind a body and a soul... do you see how that played out for those people? Little reminders after that sprinkled their information and developement. When it comes to the body talk... just keep it as clinical as possible. Say, you wash your hair, your teeth and your body, you go to the doctor when there's something wrong, and there is no shame in discussing if your finger hurts so we aren't going to have shame in any other body parts.... they all are necessary in this life. So with that... here is what goes on with the body....as he grows older you will discuss how sex can be harmful to the body outside of marriage. start simple...believe me... LIFE WILL GIVE YOU PLENTY OF opportunities to teach on all these aspects of humanity and sexuality as he grows into the man God means for him to be. OH and in my opinion... boys and girls need to hear from both parents. Both perspectives and both reenforcing the same idea... goes along way! If that can't happen then do the best you can that is all God asks of any of us.

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