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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: I find it ironic that you are suggesting earlier in the thread that divorced people s...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


I find it ironic that you are suggesting earlier in the thread that divorced people should not be allowed to participate on CM, but that you would hesitate for even a minute to turn in a Help Ticket on someone that isn't even divorced yet.

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Oh, and I wondered why you had previously asked me if I had any ideas/suggestions about this issue, but then when I immediately posted one, you never responded to it.

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: No, Donna, not ironic, but compassionate because his pain/suffering came across very cl...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



No, Donna, not ironic, but compassionate because his pain/suffering came across very clearly. It would have been emotionally/psychologically healthier for him to leave the site on his own. I don't see much difference between separated and divorced without annullment (and the church doesn't either apparently).

I find it ironic that you don't think divorced people without annullment should NOT somehow be noted in the profile that they are SEEKING ONLY FRIENDSHIP (when they say YES to Free to Marry unless their spouse is deceased) as in the eyes of the Church they are still married and should not be seeking romantic relationship.

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If the word DIVORCED and the word NO in Free to marry aren't Scarlet Letter enough...I don't see why there needs to be any further explanation.. SEEKING ONLY FRIENDSHIP isn't going to stop anyone from seeking a romantic relationship any more than DIVORCED and NO does now..But if you think it is....

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Oh, and I wondered why you had previously asked me if I had any ideas/suggestions about...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Oh, and I wondered why you had previously asked me if I had any ideas/suggestions about this issue, but then when I immediately posted one, you never responded to it.

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Ummm..I am not in any position to effect any changes on the suggestions you might make.. I also never feel compelled to reply to anything that is posted in reply to me.. Sorry, but I didn't feel any reply was expected or necessary..

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: If the word DIVORCED and the word NO in Free to marry aren't Scarlet Letter enoug...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


If the word DIVORCED and the word NO in Free to marry aren't Scarlet Letter enough...I don't see why there needs to be any further explanation.. SEEKING ONLY FRIENDSHIP isn't going to stop anyone from seeking a romantic relationship any more than DIVORCED and NO does now..But if you think it is....

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I'm not talking about men who say Divorced and no to Free to Marry. I've come across many men who have Divorced and yes to Free to Marry, but then when I specifically ask them if they have an annullment in the Church or have started one, they say that they do not have an annulment and have not started one (and their ex-spouse is not deceased).

And if such a profile automatically says SEEKING ONLY FRIENDSHIP at least the person viewing the profile will be "forewarned" so to speak (or other wording could be used).

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Donna-83441 said: Ummm..I am not in any position to effect any changes on the suggestions you might mak...
(Quote) Donna-83441 said:


Ummm..I am not in any position to effect any changes on the suggestions you might make.. I also never feel compelled to reply to anything that is posted in reply to me.. Sorry, but I didn't feel any reply was expected or necessary..

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Wow, if I specifically asked someone a question (not as the OP of a thread, but within the body of the thread), and they answered me, I would certainly try to answer them (assuming of course that I saw their answer). That just seems like common courtesy to me, but perhaps rules are different on the internet.

I did think that moderators had some input to Admin. I guess I was wrong about that.

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: Wow, if I specifically asked someone a question (not as the OP of a thread, but within ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



Wow, if I specifically asked someone a question (not as the OP of a thread, but within the body of the thread), and they answered me, I would certainly try to answer them (assuming of course that I saw their answer). That just seems like common courtesy to me, but perhaps rules are different on the internet.

I did think that moderators had some input to Admin. I guess I was wrong about that.

--hide--


We have no special input to Admin.. If we want to convey anything to Admin we submit a Help Ticket just like everyone else.. Our role is to take care of Reported Posts and answer questions for other members. Occasionally we hide a post that is offensive..

In posting we are mostly nothing more than a regular member.. Many people have the mistaken impression that our roles are more important than they actually are.

When I said you ahould make a suggestion about changes, I didn't mean they should be made to ME.. I'm satisfied with the profiles as they are.. Any change to the profile structure should be made to 'the powers that be' and that would not be me..

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: when I specifically ask them if they have an annullment in the Church or have started one, ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

when I specifically ask them if they have an annullment in the Church or have started one,

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Just one comment since I see references to "having started [an annulment]" in these discussions not infrequently: having started the process is exactly the same as not having started it: there is no guarantee it will be granted and it could still take quite a bit of time to complete.

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Just one comment since I see references to "having started " in t...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Just one comment since I see references to "having started [an annulment]" in these discussions not infrequently: having started the process is exactly the same as not having started it: there is no guarantee it will be granted and it could still take quite a bit of time to complete.

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I agree with you Jerry, although I think it at least shows that there is intent to pursue an annullment. Whether the person gets it or not is unknown. And, the time process seems to be quite variable. I know one person that got their annulment in just over a year. I knew another person who was still trying to get his annulment (in appeals) after 3 years.

Nov 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Just one comment since I see references to "having started " in t...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:

Just one comment since I see references to "having started [an annulment]" in these discussions not infrequently: having started the process is exactly the same as not having started it: there is no guarantee it will be granted and it could still take quite a bit of time to complete.

--hide--
I concur Jerry, there are no guarantees

Nov 19th 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: That is true, Donna, but CM also does have the option of NOT allowing divorced without ...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:



That is true, Donna, but CM also does have the option of NOT allowing divorced without annullment people onsite (and I think Ave Maria Singles works that way although I've never been on it). Of course, then people could lie about it and it would drastically reduce the number of people onsite and thus reducing CM profits and the number of people we can match with or view.

I would suggest though that it would be good if CM admin. somehow made a little bigger deal about this (becaise many times when we sign up for things we read the fine print once or just skim over it and then forget about it). In fact, I said something about this to one gentleman who is long-time divorced (over 20 years) and has not started an annulment, but is pursuing women here (romantically) and he had no idea that he shouldn't be doing this (and I believe him when he said he didn't realize this).My guess from the number of contacts/views/conversations I've had with divorced men without annulments is that at least 80% of them are pursuing women romantically (and I suspect that it is more like 90-95%).

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Thats been my experiennce as well

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