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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Nov 19th 2012 new
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Just one comment since I see references to "having started " in these di...
(Quote) Jerry-74383 said:



Just one comment since I see references to "having started [an annulment]" in these discussions not infrequently: having started the process is exactly the same as not having started it: there is no guarantee it will be granted and it could still take quite a bit of time to complete.



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More importantly, "having started an annulment" does not change a person's freedom to date and/or marry within the Catholic Church. "Having started" equates to "still married in the Church's eyes." Therefore, they should not be toying with romantic involvement with another man or woman.
Nov 19th 2012 new
Maybe this isn't a CM policy but it's written. Hopefully, the Chuch will interpret it and tell why. Please read Matthew 5:3,; Galations 3:28, Acts 11:26, 3:26-40, 9:1-9, 10, 2:7--11, Luke 10:38-42, John 4:5-42, Isaiah 5:35. My presentation of them is disjointed but I don't feel the Chuch goes against them. Ours is ultimately a religion of love, inclusion and forgiveness.
Nov 19th 2012 new
I don't know about policy but, frankly, I didn't realize how important annulment was until I was on CM. After all, I fervently wanted to stay married. If for nothing else ( I am still devastated), for the negative impact it's had on my children. Their dad is remarried and continually tells them our marriage was a mistake. I either teach them that their dad is wrong or I teach them that marriage means something. Right now, my oldest thinks divorce is no big deal. Anyhow, I'm an unwillingly divorced Catholic and if I hadn't found CM, I wouldn't have pursued an annulment because, frankly, I couldn't care less about whether I get married again or not. But, an annulment means you can't use a trivial excuse like "we were growing apart.". That's always seemed an incredibly weak excuse especially considering how many people it negatively impacts. Very rarely does it only impact the man and woman seeking divorce (no children? What about parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc....). I think that considering how hard it is to annul a marriage makes it more illustrative of how important marriage is. Nowadays, it seems that marriage is considered about the same as going steady used to be. Thank you CM for exposing me to the importance of an annulment.

CM doesn't match divorced Catholics but it does expose them to the importance of doctrine which wouldn't happen if they couldn't participate.
Nov 19th 2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I don't know about policy but, frankly, I didn't realize how important annulment was until I was...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I don't know about policy but, frankly, I didn't realize how important annulment was until I was on CM. After all, I fervently wanted to stay married. If for nothing else ( I am still devastated), for the negative impact it's had on my children. Their dad is remarried and continually tells them our marriage was a mistake. I either teach them that their dad is wrong or I teach them that marriage means something. Right now, my oldest thinks divorce is no big deal. Anyhow, I'm an unwillingly divorced Catholic and if I hadn't found CM, I wouldn't have pursued an annulment because, frankly, I couldn't care less about whether I get married again or not. But, an annulment means you can't use a trivial excuse like "we were growing apart.". That's always seemed an incredibly weak excuse especially considering how many people it negatively impacts. Very rarely does it only impact the man and woman seeking divorce (no children? What about parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc....). I think that considering how hard it is to annul a marriage makes it more illustrative of how important marriage is. Nowadays, it seems that marriage is considered about the same as going steady used to be. Thank you CM for exposing me to the importance of an annulment.

CM doesn't match divorced Catholics but it does expose them to the importance of doctrine which wouldn't happen if they couldn't participate.
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It is interesting that you say "how hard it is to annul a marriage". Since the Catholic Church has JUST started to TAKE seriously the formation of pre-marital education and the compatibility of couples engaged to marry - those of us who were "married" by the Church without the Church doing this hard work of insuring the proper formation for marriage - the Church has had no choice but to examine and to annul the faux marriage. Frankly, I don't think the Chaurch cares one iota about the health of a marriage and the people catch up in a troubled marriage and that is seen in the lack of marriage counseling available to married couples. Some feel good retreats but nothing substantial. In my parish, the Annulment Advocates are listed w/phone numbers in every weeks bulletin but never a list of marriage counselors or even that the Church might know where to send a couple for help. That 's how I see it.

Nov 21st 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: (Quote) Jerry-74383 said: Just one comment since I see references to "having star...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said:
Quote:
Jerry-74383 said:



Just one comment since I see references to "having started [an annulment]" in these discussions not infrequently: having started the process is exactly the same as not having started it: there is no guarantee it will be granted and it could still take quite a bit of time to complete.






More importantly, "having started an annulment" does not change a person's freedom to date and/or marry within the Catholic Church. "Having started" equates to "still married in the Church's eyes." Therefore, they should not be toying with romantic involvement with another man or woman.
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No, you can still have a romantic relationship with your ex spouse, because your still married until you get the annulment.
Nov 21st 2012 new
So now CM is following their policy which protects them from commiting A sin within their online community. I have a suggestion though. Why not let the UNannulled match up together since as it was said earlier that Many priests don't agree with the annulment policy until you are heading toward marriage.
Nov 21st 2012 new
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: No, you can still have a romantic relationship with your ex spouse, because your still married until you get the a...
(Quote) Laura-857740 said: No, you can still have a romantic relationship with your ex spouse, because your still married until you get the annulment.
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Yes, Laura, you can logistically have relations with your former spouse. It is your free will, just like you can logistically have relations with another man. However, I don't think you would necessarily be free of all sin just because he is your husband. I imagine prudence would direct one not to be involved with him.

I'd also guess that having sex with him at that stage would be a sin against charity (love of thyself and others), love of God, chastity, patience, etc.

Just my two cents,

Kathleen two cents
Nov 21st 2012 new
(Quote) Connie-17641 said: So now CM is following their policy which protects them from commiting A sin within their online community. I have...
(Quote) Connie-17641 said: So now CM is following their policy which protects them from commiting A sin within their online community. I have a suggestion though. Why not let the UNannulled match up together since as it was said earlier that Many priests don't agree with the annulment policy until you are heading toward marriage.
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Connie, Hi. I don't know how much CM is really following their policy. They read it and cite it and direct people like me to it, but there is no way to tell how much they enforce it among the membership.

From the looks of it, I would guess that not much enforcement goes on, but without knowing stats from CM on this, I could absolutely be wrong. If they are doing a lot of enforcing, then it is sad that there are still many others left operating outside the bounds.

About the second half of your reply..."Why not let the UNannulled match up together", that would obviously go against Church teaching and be harmful to all of them, as well as to the Church. I think priests you describe above are doing a disservice to the Church and parishioners by not supporting the Church's teaching. It makes people think errant things like you suggested.

Pax,

Kathleen
Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: Connie, Hi. I don't know how much CM is really following their policy. They read it and cite it a...
(Quote) Kathleen-878558 said: Connie, Hi. I don't know how much CM is really following their policy. They read it and cite it and direct people like me to it, but there is no way to tell how much they enforce it among the membership.

From the looks of it, I would guess that not much enforcement goes on, but without knowing stats from CM on this, I could absolutely be wrong. If they are doing a lot of enforcing, then it is sad that there are still many others left operating outside the bounds.

About the second half of your reply..."Why not let the UNannulled match up together", that would obviously go against Church teaching and be harmful to all of them, as well as to the Church. I think priests you describe above are doing a disservice to the Church and parishioners by not supporting the Church's teaching. It makes people think errant things like you suggested.

Pax,

Kathleen
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Kathleen, as far as I can tell CM Admin. does NO enforcement of divorced (but not annulled) members. It does remove people who say they are divorced but then fess up to someone that they are actually only separated (if the member reports it). And, there are lots of divorced (but not annulled) members on here who contact me (not looking for just friendship)!

Nov 21st 2012 new

A never married guy just sent me a nice message and I am so excited because he seems like the man of my dreams.

I hope I will have the time to follow -up on the annulment process which I put on hold due to pressing job concerns.

I married a Lutheran in Lutheran services and my parish priest (a Jesuit scholar) told me that I will not have a hard time having my marriage annulled (there was no Catholic marriage to annul in the first place) and that I can go out on "harmless" dates.

I really think Life is too short that we have to savor each moment instead spending time over analyzing who should and who should not date, who should or should not be on CM.

Let's enjoy life , love, and laughter.


Mary

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