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Devoted to discussion pertaining to those issues which are specifically relevant to people under 45. Topics must have a specific perspective of people in this age group for it to be on topic.

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Nov 5th 2012 new

I couldn't agree more w/ the sentiment of what has been said

Nov 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Clair-6292 said: In other threads the women are at the men for "chasing: younger women. NOTE TO THE OLDER WOMEN: Look ...
(Quote) Clair-6292 said: In other threads the women are at the men for "chasing: younger women. NOTE TO THE OLDER WOMEN: Look at the attitudes of these ladies. They are NOT adraid of children Party: It is refeshing to see you express these desires ladies Tis the hand rgat rocks the cradle that rules the world! Seeing these posts restore my confidence in the future.
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Perhaps I misunderstood eyebrow, but I don't think feeling like you're being pursued mostly for your reproductive organs (as can happen when older men seek young women) is quite the same thing as being afraid of children. I know many older, childless, single women who do not have kids solely because they they have not found a husband. They love kids and would absolutely love to have some.


Ticking clocks in and of themselves are a hard thing to deal with because timing is so outside of our (human) control. Being further viewed as undesirable because your fertility window is past its prime is like adding insult to injury. Not every older, childless woman is so by choice.

Nov 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Corinna-623958 said: (Quote) Mary-583970 said: I agree with this wholeheartedly! I have felt...
(Quote) Corinna-623958 said:
Quote:
Mary-583970 said:



I agree with this wholeheartedly! I have felt the call to motherhood for many years and if you decide you are ready to be a mother at a young age and make that choice to pursue it, you are judged for it! I hate it, it all comes down to society encouraging putting off responsibilities. If our ancestors were able to run a household by the time they were 18, we are perfectly capable of it ourselves, especially if that's what we feel called to do.




Glad to finally hear from a woman in her 20's who agrees with me. I've met a few men who have seen things my way but never a lady. I still don't get why our choice is the only choice out there that is negatively judged while all the single people (with or without kids) are praised for putting off a family to "have fun." I swear the world is completely bonkers! Maybe it hasn't occured to people that there are some 18 year olds out there who are infinitely more capable of running a house hold than a lot of 30 and 40 year olds.
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Not quite in my 20s anymore, but when I was I felt much the same. I would have liked to marry and start a family in my 20s. There are so many people who choose to see young marriage and parenthood with negativity instead of as the beautiful gift and opportunity it is. I say if you are ready and can make it happen, more power to you. Y'all just ignore the knuckleheads and nay-sayers.

Nov 5th 2012 new
(Quote) Laura-896845 said: Perhaps I misunderstood , but I don't think feeling like you're being pursued mostl...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:




Perhaps I misunderstood , but I don't think feeling like you're being pursued mostly for your reproductive organs (as can happen when older men seek young women) is quite the same thing as being afraid of children. I know many older, childless, single women who do not have kids solely because they they have not found a husband. They love kids and would absolutely love to have some.




Ticking clocks in and of themselves are a hard thing to deal with because timing is so outside of our (human) control. Being further viewed as undesirable because your fertility window is past its prime is like adding insult to injury. Not every older, childless woman is so by choice.

--hide--


My appologies Laura for causing that impression. rosary
Nov 6th 2012 new

Melanie,

I too think about this at my age! So, to me, you still have time and don't give up! I have always wanted to marry and be a mom. When the time came to marry (I could have several times), it didn't seem right and I didn't do it. I feel God was protecting me. I always told God that if I was going to divorce, I would rather not marry. I think HE heard me!

Now, I think about adopting. I even had an email from a nice lady here that adopted and couldn't be happier! Even after less than a month, she met someone here on CM and they are dating and he is planning on moving to her state. So, you see, God has plans for all of us. What is the plan for me?? I am still praying about that and trusting in Jesus! Even though I have wanted this all my life, I know God's Will is better than mine!

Let's continue to pray for each other. I wish you all the best in your search. Keep praying and trusting in our Heavenly Father who loves you so much! God bless, Veronica wave theheart

Nov 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: Perhaps I misunderstood , but I don't think feeling like you're being pursue...
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:


Perhaps I misunderstood , but I don't think feeling like you're being pursued mostly for your reproductive organs (as can happen when older men seek young women) is quite the same thing as being afraid of children. I know many older, childless, single women who do not have kids solely because they they have not found a husband. They love kids and would absolutely love to have some.


Ticking clocks in and of themselves are a hard thing to deal with because timing is so outside of our (human) control. Being further viewed as undesirable because your fertility window is past its prime is like adding insult to injury. Not every older, childless woman is so by choice.

--hide--



I'm not so sure that our choices don't have an impact on it. I know that personally I was too insistent on one person when rationally the chances of a marriage with that person were slim and in doing so over several years passed up at least 3 other women who were quite interested in me and are all now married. I have no doubts that if I had pursued one of them and let go of the one I was holding onto then I would be married already.

A priest recently told me in regards to finding the right person for marriage. "God gave us an intellect and reason to use in the discernment with that potential partner and leaving it to His will (if this is the one or not) is for after you are married and have to deal with the choices you've made, both good and bad." So I basically did not listen to my intellect/reason (danger of emotional attachment and my stubbornness to make something work) in the discernment process and in doing so missed out on a few other women.

I am not saying that these same circumstances can be applied to us all, but I highly doubt that every single woman who wants children and is as of yet unmarried in their 30's, 40's or later did not have some opportunity in their younger years to have what they so desire.

Nov 6th 2012 new

(Quote) John-324285 said: I'm not so sure that our choices don't have an impact on it. I know that perso...
(Quote) John-324285 said:




I'm not so sure that our choices don't have an impact on it. I know that personally I was too insistent on one person when rationally the chances of a marriage with that person were slim and in doing so over several years passed up at least 3 other women who were quite interested in me and are all now married. I have no doubts that if I had pursued one of them and let go of the one I was holding onto then I would be married already.

A priest recently told me in regards to finding the right person for marriage. "God gave us an intellect and reason to use in the discernment with that potential partner and leaving it to His will (if this is the one or not) is for after you are married and have to deal with the choices you've made, both good and bad." So I basically did not listen to my intellect/reason (danger of emotional attachment and my stubbornness to make something work) in the discernment process and in doing so missed out on a few other women.

I am not saying that these same circumstances can be applied to us all, but I highly doubt that every single woman who wants children and is as of yet unmarried in their 30's, 40's or later did not have some opportunity in their younger years to have what they so desire.

--hide--


John, I agree with you, our choices (AND the choices of others in our lives) impact the course of our lives and can have effects we do not or did not foresee. But my main point was that it should not be broadly assumed that older single, childless women were at any point hostile to children or afraid of having them. Maybe a specific person was, maybe they weren't. It may be, as you suggest, a secondary effect of other choices. It may also be a matter of circumstance and bum luck. Maybe somebody had an opportunity and passed it up (I never excluded this possibility, mind you), and maybe they didn't. It could be a lot of things.


By all means, I think we should be held reasonably accountable for the choices we've made in our lives. All I'm saying is be cautious and compassionate with the generalizations we make about others. It can be hurtful to find yourself essentially blamed for things that were not within your control or rashly lumped into a category that you don't really belong in, especially with such an emotionally-charged subject as this.

Nov 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Veronica-56352 said: Melanie,I too think about this at my age! So, to me, you still have time and don't ...
(Quote) Veronica-56352 said:

Melanie,

I too think about this at my age! So, to me, you still have time and don't give up! I have always wanted to marry and be a mom. When the time came to marry (I could have several times), it didn't seem right and I didn't do it. I feel God was protecting me. I always told God that if I was going to divorce, I would rather not marry. I think HE heard me!

Now, I think about adopting. I even had an email from a nice lady here that adopted and couldn't be happier! Even after less than a month, she met someone here on CM and they are dating and he is planning on moving to her state. So, you see, God has plans for all of us. What is the plan for me?? I am still praying about that and trusting in Jesus! Even though I have wanted this all my life, I know God's Will is better than mine!

Let's continue to pray for each other. I wish you all the best in your search. Keep praying and trusting in our Heavenly Father who loves you so much! God bless, Veronica

--hide--


Amen, Veronica!

Nov 7th 2012 new
Thank you Melanie for starting this topic. It's been my concern from some years. Reading all sharing that had written is really enlightening.

I believe that God has a plan for everyone. And His plan is the best for us. So keep praying and seeking Him. It gives me strength to not worry about the future. Knowing that God will take care of us and He will answer our prayer in His time.

Set your hearts on his kingdom first, and on God's saving justice, and all these other things will be given you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow: tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:33-34)

I will pray for all of us. Someday we will be a mother when the time is right and now it's the time for God to prepare us to be the best mother for our children.

God bless

Saludos Praying hug
Nov 7th 2012 new

Have hope I had my last child at 43, no complications just like when I was in my twenties. She actually more intellectually advanced than the others at her age.


Also know a woman who gave up and got pregnant over fifty.

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