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A place to learn, mingle, and share

This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Ex-spouse as witness

11/04/2012 new

Can I use my ex-husband as a witness without affecting his ability to remarry in the Church (he'd be happy if I remarried-he's remarried but not in the Church)? Of course, I will anull anyways but don't know if it will be detriment to him to use him as a witness. He'd be the best witness.

11/04/2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: Can I use my ex-husband as a witness without affecting his ability to remarry in the Church (he&#...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

Can I use my ex-husband as a witness without affecting his ability to remarry in the Church (he'd be happy if I remarried-he's remarried but not in the Church)? Of course, I will anull anyways but don't know if it will be detriment to him to use him as a witness. He'd be the best witness.

--hide--


They will contact him anyway. An annulment affects both parties. Are you on good terms with him? If you are, that would be an amazing and easier way to get your annulment. If he wants to have his marriage validated in the Church, he would probably have to sit down with a priest and show that whatever the shortcomings were that caused the "failure" in your marriage has been overcome.


Best of luck!

11/04/2012 new

And welcome to the forums Julie. You will find a lot of support here.

11/04/2012 new
I wouldn't say good terms but he wouldn't lie about what happened. In fact, he couldn't care less about getting an annulment. I have no idea what he was thinking. We originally were married in the Lutheran church and while he was having an affair, he converted to Catholicism, married me again in the Church after over 20 years together then left me a month later. It sure made things more difficult for me. Thanks so much for responding.
11/05/2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I wouldn't say good terms but he wouldn't lie about what happened. In fact, he couldn't care...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I wouldn't say good terms but he wouldn't lie about what happened. In fact, he couldn't care less about getting an annulment. I have no idea what he was thinking. We originally were married in the Lutheran church and while he was having an affair, he converted to Catholicism, married me again in the Church after over 20 years together then left me a month later. It sure made things more difficult for me. Thanks so much for responding.
--hide--


So you were Catholic when you married 20 years ago? Did you receive a dispensation to marry in the Luthern Church? If not, and he's willing to admit the continuous affair, it proves his inability to meet one of the required tenents of a Catholic marriage, exclusivity, and as a Catholic, your first marriage would not be recognized.


Good luck Julie, and I'm sorry you had to go through this.


Blessings

11/08/2012 new

Hi Joanna-


No special dispensation for the 20 year ago marriage. Just the recent one in the Church. I know you can't tell me anything for certain but since he was having an affair when we were married, it seems that I shouldn't have any trouble getting an annulment would I? What do you think?

11/08/2012 new

Your ex-spouse can't be a 'witness' because he is 'expected' to be part of the process..If he refuses, or otherwise doesn't reply, you cannot have him as a 'witness'..You can however have members of his family as witnesses.. Keep in mind that the Tribunal will be trying to determine what happened before the marriage ever occured to figure out why the marriage was not sacramental on the day of the wedding.. What happens after that day is not so important.. Probably the most misunderstood aspect of the annulment process.

11/09/2012 new
Hmmm. Well he was having an affair before and at the time (as well as after) we were remarried. I don't understand this very well. If the tribunal doesn't consider what happens after the marriage, would someone stay stuck being married even if their spouse ran off and married someone else? Wouldn't that be considered abandonment? Also, if I can't use me ex as a witness, can I use his new wife? Also, are my family members OK as witnesses? I could use his mom but I'd rather not. She had a hard enough time about it. I have another question too. I have an appointment with Monsignor tomorrow. Is there anything I should focus on? I'm so sorry for all the questions. I started the process a few years ago but I was heartbroken and it just overwhelmed me. Thanks so much.
11/09/2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: Can I use my ex-husband as a witness without affecting his ability to remarry in the Church (he&#...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

Can I use my ex-husband as a witness without affecting his ability to remarry in the Church (he'd be happy if I remarried-he's remarried but not in the Church)? Of course, I will anull anyways but don't know if it will be detriment to him to use him as a witness. He'd be the best witness.

--hide--


sure, why not?

11/10/2012 new

Hi Donna-

I had my appointment with the priest and he told me some important things which spawned more questions that I need to talk to him about. I learned quite a bit too. For example, pick the 4 best witnesses. I could use my ex's new wife but she might not be the best witness for me because this will make her look awful and, not only does she not view her self that way, but in order to appear a better person, she might not be completely truthful.

The other thing is that you were absolutely right. I spouse's attitude before and at the time of the marriage is what counts, not after the marriage. So, even though though your spouse cheated, abandoned and remarried, you aren't guaranteed an annulment. They'll try to find a reason that your marriage wasn't valid at the time of marriage for you. If they can't find a reason though, you can't get an annulment. This scenario would extend the time it takes to get an annulment if one could be obtained. The priest told me, that under my circumstances, I will be able to get an annulment relatively quickly.


Now for my new questions (I'll also ask the priest). Do the witnesses have to be Catholic? And would the convalidation date be considered the date of marriage (The priest said nothing about it so I think that must be it- it asks for the date of the church wedding [with a little C])?

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