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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: I definitely watch their interactions with each other, mostly at work and church. In meetings ...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:

I definitely watch their interactions with each other, mostly at work and church. In meetings you can tell has the respect of leadership. Personally, I prefer a male manager, in my experience (maybe i have had good ones) they are more control of their emotions, they get over things faster and have treated me very well.

Men that I have noticed do not do well lack those qualities and blame others when they screw up. Thankfully I have never been hurt in a review or business because of a mistake since my integrity is well known. So I fail to see why men or women act that way unless they have an issue with pride.

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Marirose,

Thanks for relating some details about how you sift information from watching the interactions among men. Your observation about the emotional style of managers in your experience was interesting. smile

Trying to manage, cool

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Melanie-894195 said: I look at it this way: not so much gaining the respect of men as in the male population, but of...
(Quote) Melanie-894195 said:

I look at it this way: not so much gaining the respect of men as in the male population, but of men as in how the bible speaks of "people". For example, Boaz had the respect of "men" because he was honest in business, was generous to the poor, studied & made himself knowledgeable about his faith so he could offer wise counsel, served God in the temple, & was obedient to His teachings.

So, in a word, yes, I think a man who does all or most of the above would earn the respect of men. He would certainly earn mine!

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Hi Melanie,

You seem to say that you'd prefer the advice to be that a man should gain the respect of people in general before he seeks the heart of women.

I would agree with that recommendation also, but I think that Luke Ford, the blogger, wanted to make a point that many men would not think of on their own. His point was that some (not all) of the characteristics that women see as lacking in a man may not grow to maturity very well just by socializing more and more with women because some of those qualities can hardly be developed without a lot of interactions with men.

Trying to avoid interactions with cars in intersections, eyebrow shhh

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: I absolutely agree with this and it is not about being a "alpha" male in the sense that a m...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

I absolutely agree with this and it is not about being a "alpha" male in the sense that a man has the respect of other men if he makes more money than them, or is a better athlete than them.

Any man can have the respect of other men if he has the personal qualities like have been stated above. It is in how you conduct yourself, and are you a man of honor.

If I can suggest it, it is the qualities/character that historically a man learned or built up during military service.

Here is story: in my old law firm, I was one of just a few women, and we would sit around and talk about all the male partners (all of whom were early baby boomers) and what was "wrong" with all of them. And as we went around the office, we came to one who was not: he was a good guy, a man of his word, funny, charismatic, and I went, huh, what could be the difference?

And it dawned on me: Jerry (the partner) was the only one who had been in Vietnam, or served any military service. All the rest were privileged, spoiled, college deferment guys, wily, could not be trusted...let's just put it this way: they were not men of honor.

So that is what I would say: cultivate values that are instilled in the US military, about service of others, honor, courage, responsibility, integrity, and the women will absolutely notice.

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Hi Pat,

Thanks for your take on the basic question of this topic.

I join your claim that saying that a man is respected by other men is not the same as saying that he is an alpha male. I also agree with you that any man, and not just those able to rise to high levels of wealth, power and fame, can gain the respect of other men if he has moral traits such as honesty and hard work.

That was an interesting story especially the correlation between military service and honorable traits, which qualities, you note, won't hurt in the pursuit of a romantic relationship with a similarly mature woman. smile

Wondering whether I should join marching school immediately or maybe wait until next March, scratchchin boggled

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Peter-449116 said: Absolutely. Women should observe how a man interacts with his male friends and whether he has gai...
(Quote) Peter-449116 said:

Absolutely. Women should observe how a man interacts with his male friends and whether he has gained their respect. More importantly to see what kind of friends he has. Is she comfortable around them?

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Peter,

That's a good point about noticing what kind of friends he has - unless she comes to prefer one of his friends to him maybe. eyebrow

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Lauren-910388 said: Very endearing. I will say it forever, everything is subjective to individuals. As they say...
(Quote) Lauren-910388 said:


Very endearing. I will say it forever, everything is subjective to individuals. As they say, opposites attract. You really never know how it's going to go. I feel it's really about the man being outright confident enough, and that can be impacted by the respect said man gets from other men. Now, for online, how would a woman know one way or the other unless the man tells her himself? There can be traits a woman picks up on, depends on the woman.


I'll say this, all the women I've known that have/wanted a good man wanted one that was confident, able to lead the household.

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Hi Lauren,

Thanks for your comments.

Your words, "I feel it's really about the man being outright confident enough, and that can be impacted by the respect said man gets from other men", seem to say that the important benefit for attracting women is the confidence that a man feels if he knows that he is respected by other men; that is, his being respected by other men is not in itself a big element of attraction.

To explain how I differ from you here, I'll first note that one can divide what attracts women into the more non-romantic elements such as promptness and reliability, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the more romantic ones, which admittedly are subjective to each woman. Most women want both; e.g., they will not be able to feel romantic about a man who scores low in such non-romantic traits such as reliability, honesty, cleanliness, and cooperativeness. They want a man who scores high in those positive, non-romantic qualities and, if a man is respected by other men, he probably also has the non-romantic characteristics that the ladies want - so he is halfway there rather than already eliminated before the question of his romantic qualifications are considered.

I agree that you can't determine from online contact whether a particular man is respected by other men, but my question was about men in general; that is, whether a man's being respected by other men probably means that his package of qualities will be more attractive to women in general than the package of qualities possessed by a man who is not respected by other men.

Wondering whether it's all in the packaging or in the package, scratchchin eyepopping

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Lauren, Thanks for your comments. Your words, "I feel it's really about ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Lauren,

Thanks for your comments.

Your words, "I feel it's really about the man being outright confident enough, and that can be impacted by the respect said man gets from other men", seem to say that the important benefit for attracting women is the confidence that a man feels if he knows that he is respected by other men; that is, his being respected by other men is not in itself a big element of attraction.

To explain how I differ from you here, I'll first note that one can divide what attracts women into the more non-romantic elements such as promptness and reliability, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, the more romantic ones, which admittedly are subjective to each woman. Most women want both; e.g., they will not be able to feel romantic about a man who scores low in such non-romantic traits such as reliability, honesty, cleanliness, and cooperativeness. They want a man who scores high in those positive, non-romantic qualities and, if a man is respected by other men, he probably also has the non-romantic characteristics that the ladies want - so he is halfway there rather than already eliminated before the question of his romantic qualifications are considered.

I agree that you can't determine from online contact whether a particular man is respected by other men, but my question was about men in general; that is, whether a man's being respected by other men probably means that his package of qualities will be more attractive to women in general than the package of qualities possessed by a man who is not respected by other men.

Wondering whether it's all in the packaging or in the package,

John

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And I return to my original quote...it's all subjective! Lol

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Nora-914810 said: Lauren, very well said. I was thinking pretty much the same thing. The ability to trust someone on...
(Quote) Nora-914810 said:

Lauren, very well said. I was thinking pretty much the same thing. The ability to trust someone on line and wheather or not they are being honest with you has to be something that you learn. I think going with your "gut" is so important as well. It is very hard to tell on-line what is real. At least in my experience it takes time to trust someone and get to know them.

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Hi Nora,

Thanks for posting your thoughts.

You noted that you can't determine very much from online communications and implied that it takes direct contact to get a complete picture. You did not mention the intermediate form of contact, the telephone. What do you find out through talking over the phone lines?

Wondering whether a phone call can cull both phonies and balonies, scratchchin shhh

John

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Lauren-910388 said: And I return to my original quote...it's all subjective! Lol
(Quote) Lauren-910388 said:


And I return to my original quote...it's all subjective! Lol

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The subjective aspect remains, but I think that the subjective preferences are not scattered in even proportions; that is, there are probabilities and a much higher percentage of American women will be romantically attracted to trait A than trait B. cool

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Mary-251045 said: I do not like this, but would think it could be true if you are mixing i...
(Quote) Mary-251045 said:

I do not like this, but would think it could be true if you are mixing in a group.

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What don't you like about "this"?

Nov 9th 2012 new

(Quote) Maria-846262 said: I agree with you Marirose.
(Quote) Maria-846262 said:


I agree with you Marirose.

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Hi Maria,

Thanks for being agreeable. thumbsup

John

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