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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Hi-

Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "normal." I'm a person who is definitely conflicted...

I'm an Air Force and Iraq War Veteran.

I'm divorced from an abusive husband but had no children with him.

I live with my parents.

I am on birth control.

I got pregnant while on birth control.

I engaged in pre-martial sex often in my younger years (after age 18.)

I come from a 2 parent home, raised catholic...or so I thought.

My son will be 11 months old on 11-10-12.

I have not had sex since his conception nor have I dated since.

I started going back to church after not attending for years.

I feel so new at this even though I went to church every week as a child and did all of my sacraments.

I want to find that one person to share my life with.

I want my son to know a man who will not abdanon him like his father has.

I'm scared.

And...I'm 28 years old...

Any advice?

Nov 7th 2012 new

Welcome home, Lindsay.

The faith has always been here for you. Embrace God's loving mercy, learn (from CM, from good priests, from pious reading) about the faith in which you maybe were not properly catechized, and be a good mom to your son, who is a great gift.

If you do that, you will be fine!

hug Praying Praying

Nov 7th 2012 new

Kindsay - You aren't alone. I also got pregnant while I was on birth control just as I was finishing college. My son's dad left - that was 17 years ago.

Trust me - you can do this, and things will be fine. My kid is doing great - has a full life and happy.


Just got divorce last year from my husband - not a very nice person, to the point where a restraining order is needed.


And, just converted this year, so you just started back and I just started period.


:) Nice to meet you - Celia.

Nov 7th 2012 new

Hi Lindsay,

My first thought reading your post was how brave it was of you to put it all out there. My second thought was to hope that you will feel welcomed here on CM and in the forums, and happy with your decision to join. Although many (if not pretty much all) of us first join CM hoping to find that special someone (and pretty quickly would be great too!), many of us soon realize that there is so much more to this site than just that. I hope that along with meeting a great special guy, that you will also find this to be a supportive, accepting, learning, gentle community...and I hope that you will not be easily discouraged or frustrated if that doesn't always happen...it is more a reflection of them than you when that does occur.

Don't be afraid to have a little fun here too!

Peace! theheart Praying

Nov 7th 2012 new

wave hug Hi Lindsay, and welcome to the CM Forum. There are sooo many neat people here, and you will find many interesting topics to read and reflect on. Yes, there are also men to consider for possible mates, too! There is a "women's room" where you can open up about your concerns privately, if you wish. Most of all, there are many fellow humans, who will pray with and for you and your son!

Peter is right--you are brave. And Celia has a great point--any journey begins with a single step forward! Glad you will be "walking with us"!

Nov 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said: Hi- Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "norma...
(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said:

Hi-

Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "normal." I'm a person who is definitely conflicted...

I'm an Air Force and Iraq War Veteran.

I'm divorced from an abusive husband but had no children with him.

I live with my parents.

I am on birth control.

I got pregnant while on birth control.

I engaged in pre-martial sex often in my younger years (after age 18.)

I come from a 2 parent home, raised catholic...or so I thought.

My son will be 11 months old on 11-10-12.

I have not had sex since his conception nor have I dated since.

I started going back to church after not attending for years.

I feel so new at this even though I went to church every week as a child and did all of my sacraments.

I want to find that one person to share my life with.

I want my son to know a man who will not abdanon him like his father has.

I'm scared.

And...I'm 28 years old...

Any advice?

--hide--
Praying Praying Praying theheart hug

Nov 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said: Hi- Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "norma...
(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said:

Hi-

Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "normal." I'm a person who is definitely conflicted...

I'm an Air Force and Iraq War Veteran.

I'm divorced from an abusive husband but had no children with him.

I live with my parents.

I am on birth control.

I got pregnant while on birth control.

I engaged in pre-martial sex often in my younger years (after age 18.)

I come from a 2 parent home, raised catholic...or so I thought.

My son will be 11 months old on 11-10-12.

I have not had sex since his conception nor have I dated since.

I started going back to church after not attending for years.

I feel so new at this even though I went to church every week as a child and did all of my sacraments.

I want to find that one person to share my life with.

I want my son to know a man who will not abdanon him like his father has.

I'm scared.

And...I'm 28 years old...

Any advice?

--hide--
Praying Praying Praying theheart hug

Nov 8th 2012 new

Welcome,

first, take a deep breath and let it out.

Secondly, there are many of us here that are single parents who understand what you are going through. My daughter is 11 yrs and I have been a single parent since she was 1.

Being a parent is often scary. Being a single parent is sometimes down right terrifying.

The best thing to do is to open yourself to a conversation with God. Not just pray but also listen. Listen with your whole heart.

Look around you and you may find that there are already many good male role models in your sons life. So take the time to get to know others for your sake, and you will find the person God has meant for you.

Nov 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said: Hi- Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "norma...
(Quote) Lindsay-895521 said:

Hi-

Well, I just joined the site today in hopes of finding people realitvely "normal." I'm a person who is definitely conflicted...

I'm an Air Force and Iraq War Veteran.

I'm divorced from an abusive husband but had no children with him.

I live with my parents.

I am on birth control.

I got pregnant while on birth control.

I engaged in pre-martial sex often in my younger years (after age 18.)

I come from a 2 parent home, raised catholic...or so I thought.

My son will be 11 months old on 11-10-12.

I have not had sex since his conception nor have I dated since.

I started going back to church after not attending for years.

I feel so new at this even though I went to church every week as a child and did all of my sacraments.

I want to find that one person to share my life with.

I want my son to know a man who will not abdanon him like his father has.

I'm scared.

And...I'm 28 years old...

Any advice?

--hide--
Well, Lindsay, you've packed quite a bit into those 28 years.

Gotta back up a second and say "Welcome to the CM forums" first. A newcomer, plus someone from Milwaukee.....I'm a little familiar with that city.... wink

You're trying to build a solid life for yourself. With what's happened to you, you need to do some demo work first, and rebuilt where necessary and add on from there. Basically I'm saying "one step at a time."

A strong spiritual foundation is a good start. You started going back to Church, which we interpret as attending Sunday Mass. A good start. You're coming back to your spiritual home. You didn't mention resuming reception of the sacraments (Reconciliation and Eucharist). This is a good time to wipe the slate clean in order to get a fresh start with the Good Lord. What's been done in the past is now history. You want to move forward.

You need to make sure you're on solid ground yourself before you can commit to a meaningful relationship. Step back to see where you're at with this. It will be difficult to have a solid relationship if you are lacking in self-respect and self-esteem.

You mentioned that you are on birth control although there is no apparent reason for it. If you examine the Church's teaching on this subject, you'll get a clearer idea of why the Church is against it. If there an actual medical problem being treated with birth control meds, that could be a different situation if there's no other medication that can solve the problem.

Once you've resumed a good sacramental life, you could inquire about an annulment process. This will be necessary anyway if you wish to marry someone in the Catholic Church.

After being in service and being stationed in the Middle East, it's no doubt scary coming home and re-establishing yourself in civilian life. Allow yourself some time for adjustments. Trying to rush into something out of fear, or uncertainty can easily lead you into a worse mess.

Your son has his 1 year old birthday coming up in about a month. Celebrate the day with him; enjoy the little guy and contemplate what a blessing he really is, despite the burden of being a single parent. Your son's birthday is during Advent -- a good time to celebrate the birth of Our Savior.

If you need spiritual guidance or support, talk to your pastor. If you need other professional help, don't hesitate to seek it. The real problem is being in need and not seeking help. As a veteran you are probably eligible for medical/psychological care thru the VA. You can inquire about possible benefits by consulting with a VA rep, or talking to someone at one of the service organizations, such as the VFW, American Legion, or Disabled American Veterans. They can assist you even if you aren't a member of their organization.

If you can organize plan for yourself and practice discipline to follow it, you will be on your way toward achieving your goal. It's our hope that you have support from your family in reclaiming your life; if not, perhaps some close friends. There are also many on this site who can offer moral support and prayers.

You have your youth on your side -- time to work out your inner conflicts. One step at a time -- one day at a time. Trying to do too much too soon can be counterproductive. Your little guy is counting on you.

Try to be a little cautious about providing too much information in a public forum. Nearly all of the people on this site are legitimate, but there are a few who manage to sneak in for a short time to take advantage of others.

'Nuf for now.

Let us know you you're doing, ok?

Blessings,

Ray

Nov 8th 2012 new

Lindsay,

Welcome. I personally know what its like to make mistakes in judgment. Just remember that Jesus loves you and your precious little one very much. It sometimes helps if you can connect with other women in a similar situation. You are not alone!

I beat myself up about my mistakes more I should have as a good priest told me, Don't let your past define your future. Focus on God's mercy, Psalm 139, and his infinite love for you and your child. Seek out scripture that will build you up and memorize the verses to bring to mind when negative thoughts arise.


God bless you. If you would somebody to talk to email me, I will respond.


Marirose

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