My heart goes out to you, Sue. I went through what you are going through when my husband died suddenly of a heart attack back in 2006. My son (adopted) was very close to him and his mood changed from a happy, bubbly kind of boy to a sad, moody little boy. He lost his best friend and male support, and nothing I did would console him. It was killing me to see him so unhappy. I decided to get him grief counseling at the Franciscan Life Center here in Meriden. After a while (it takes time) he started being more accepting of the loss, and started to take an interest in things again. Today he is a bright, happy and a mature 15 year old. A loss matures them greatly. Feel free to contact me if you need to chat. God bless.
Hi Sue, I just read your post and want you to know that I will be praying to the Holy Spirit for you and your son. I don't know what else to say hopefully because the Holy Spirit is the best a person can do.
So even on your darkest day, I will be praying for you and him,. even though I don't know you.
I am the single parent of a 21 year old boy. He is a great son, but has now flunked out of college twice, the last time just a couple of weeks ago. It hurts me to say that he is also obese , or near obese.
The only advice I can give is that maybe you have to concentrate on small steps at a time. For example, my son had not cut his hair in almost a year and half and it was down way past his shoulders. Well, of all things, we went and had it cut this week into a great regular haircut. Now I feel that he at least has a chance to get a job. This sounds like a small thing, but I think it was symptomatic of his other problems also.
Did my son follow that up immediately with other progressive steps, no he didn't. I hope we can get another small step next week.
I can relate to the obsession with electronic devices. I don't have an answer for that either. My son is like that also.
I have never been on a forum before until tonight. I was actually looking for some type of Holy Spirit forum and found this.
Don't underestimate the pressures of junior and senior high on a child.
Also, no matter what, you cannot let him sit in his room for hours on end.
Also, I don't know how, but the parent also has to have at least some type of mental break for themself, or you will just go crazy.
Do not doubt that you and your son will be prayed for tonight. Bob
Hi Sue - I too have a 14 year old son (with ADHD) - his father passed away - suddenly- 9 yrs ago this week - I don't have to tell you it's been difficult - Then I lost my job (just when I was feeling my feet were on the ground) I worked for the same place for 15 yrs- That happened suddenly also - that's when things were most difficult - and continue to be (although it a bit better now) - I pray all the time.
I will pray for you and your son - If your son is on medications - It really has to be monitored - In the past my son became very aggressive while on aderal - (It was a pretty scary period) He also blamed me for his father - my husband's death - and at times threatened to kill himself - I took him off meds all together and then - I found that Focalin (there are no side effects) seemed to be an answer for my son I understand when you talk about technology (UGH!) It is truly like poison to their brains - way too frenetic and anti-social - I am constantly taking it away from him especially during the week - With my son physical activity is sooooo Important luckily he is a gifted athlete.
Don't beat yourself up - it is not your fault - It is a problem that obviously you are addresing - which is great - give yourself a lot of credit especially since you are grieving also.
Hi Sue, Prayers offered for your son that he may find peace. Keep him involved with uncles or a good male role models. It is not easy to lose a father at such a young age and pray, pray, pray.
Have him see the school social worker on a regular basis, get him involved in band, some sort of sport, etc. Band has really helped my children with their self-esteems and it has brought there grades up to As and Bs. Good kids partake in band and you become who you hang with.
I will pray for your struggles as I know this is a tough cross to bare. God Bless you
I was a parent of a child who came to me when he was 12 1/2 yrs old. His mother had just the day before taken him off of Ritalin (sp) and he had no sound basis for a home in his mind. He would go to a shelter and check himself in if he thought stuff was to much for him.
We had been separated with short visits for six years. I was ready for him when he came. There were two teachers in the local school system that I worked with to get him placed at a Jr. High that was the best of the bunch. I met a vice Principal and we spoke. My son had some preconceived ideas that I had to get out of his mind and I worked on that. We had a boot camp home with lights out hours, time to get up.
It did get hairy and scary when he injured him self in a fit of anger. I immediately called for help and got a referral. I also called some close friends and we spoke day after day. The close group of friends helped me keep my sanity. All were helping me get the child on a straight line. When he changed to high school things changed a little. He got into the Police Explorers but when his grade did not make par he had to pull out.
Nothing got easy and for the next three years it was a daily item. I had several brothers that would take him out for a bit and speak with him. I have two PHD nurse sisters that treated him with great care and each had a son nearly the same age. I still kept him close. One of his issues was abandonment that he had before he came to me. It all changed in his Junior year at high school. The light bulb came on. It was still work as a parent we have to help them make the transition into the real world.
My son is 40 yrs old today. He is not on anything and is married with two children. I still support him emotionally when things seem to get tough. He calls me and we speak of things so I am still one of his touch people.
Don't lock your child out, make sure he understands that he is in his home. Support him as best as you can in activity. It may seem you are not getting any where but you are. My son will speak of stuff today that we did or he did when he was still in high school. I gained his trust and that has not changed.
My sons Mother passed on Dec 04. 2012. He called me from her residence and advised me. I gave him my support and love asking what I could do. He replied that there was nothing to do. We had been divorced since 1979 and did not have a close relationship. The Mothers husband asked me to speak at the Memorial which I did after obtaining permission from my son. He was most appreciative that I did speak.
So, don't give up and don't go crazy. Find support by some means as there are some groups at my church that would help if you lived here. I have a close relationship with different people that I can call on today, so don't be alone in your venture. You don't have to like some actions but you still need to tell him you love him.
Sue, I will certainly pray for you and your son. But, I am wondering if you have any kind of support group for yourself as I think that would be most beneficial to you. Perhaps there is a support group for ADHD parents or for parents with children in residential treatment. It is important for you to have someone - whether it be a support group, psychologist/therapist/doctor you trust - to be able to talk through these issues now at this critical time.
Dear Sue, I was single mom and raised trouble boys too so I know how hard is it. We did have psychologist/therapist for couple years and put them to Martial Art and try to be with them as much as i can and focus on diet for ADHD . It help and doing ok now they both are Army officer and graduated. Hope your son will be fine and you both will have good life . Will keep you in my prayer. Hang in there and take care.Theresa
I have a 14 year old son who has ADHD. He lost his father (my sposue) to esophageal cancer at 1 1/2 years ago, and this has been a part of our lives that shook us both down to the last neuron. Grief, loss, depression and ADHD symptoms hae followed him and depression for me since that time. He is in a residential treatment center, and making some progress, but regressed alot this weekend. Technology is an obsession with him (IPODS). I pray that he gets better and I am able to parent him, but there have been so many problems that are brought up from the past when battle (conflict) ensues. He held up a knife to his kneck today, and I was afraid he would really hurt himself. Please pray for my son and any advice for me what be really a blessing. Thank you for your kindness.