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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Nov 23rd 2012 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: That is the beauty of the CM Fora--that we can help one another in THIS LIFE, as well as attain...
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

That is the beauty of the CM Fora--that we can help one another in THIS LIFE, as well as attaining the NEXT LIFE...We witness to one another, share burdens with one another, and offer prayers and supplications, for a myriad of concerns/quandries/celebrations.

Collette you have focused on what needs to be done to attain the "next life", both for ourselves and for our loved ones; Ray and I have shared insights of the ways to work on it in "this life"--based on real-life examples. Parenting NEVER ends, nor does our love for our children. Make sure your choices are based on Love not Guilt...after all, we make our choice for Chirst based on the former--not the latter.

--hide--
Well put, Beverly. There's a need to combine the "here and now" with the "tomorrow" for a short term and long term solution.

We wil also ask for strength for Rebecca to see this through, do what is right, and be comfortable with her decisions. Praying

Nov 23rd 2012 new

Hi something told me to come back! biggrin I believe I addressed this life as well as the next. As my post indicated 2 ways to attain help from people on the earth, biggrin and the admonish, Do not ever let sin enter under your roof or you would be guilty of that sin by complicity! We must never forget, as we are here on earth to know love and serve God in this world to be happy with HIM in the next, If you need to speak to a priest use a good solid one from the Fathers of Mercy like Fr. William Casey, Father Casey is a nationally renowned speaker and a frequent guest on EWTN.
806 Shaker Museum Road
Auburn, KY 42206
Phone: (270) 542-4146 If you are in earnest about a Dr. not Dr. Phil, but a good Catholic Dr. who embraces your Values as a Catholic, a suggestion Dr. Richard P. Fitzgibbons has been on Catholic Familyland and makes guest appearances on EWTN's Women of Grace. He's lectured on identifying and resolving emotional conflicts.

He has worked extensively with helping married men to grow in mature manhood and in their self-giving, particularly by resolving weakness acquired in these areas from negative paternal modeling, selfishness, excessive anger and anxiety. His video discussion on fatherhood is available at
http://www.fathersforgood.org.

He does take phone calls 610-397-0950 or 610-397-0960. I will keep your intentions in my prayer remember me in yours. God bless and sustain you!

Nov 23rd 2012 new
Do NOT allow cohabitation to occur in your home. Not only is it bad for the couple, but look at the scandal it will cause younger children/ cousins.

Yes, this will take some spinal rigidity, but it's well worth it. I have never cohabitated (it has cost me a few girlfriends) Self admission--I am hard headed. I'm half Swiss-German so cut me some slack. Haha

Our Lord taught so definitively people wanted to drive him of a cliff
Nov 24th 2012 new

I had a simialr problem with my son, who held me accountable for things I never did, thought, said of felt even remotely. He has so far (to my knowledge) not leaned on a woman as your son has to you and his "friend". I agree with "tough love" necessity. It will not be easy. If I were his father I would tell him that hee needs to "man-up" and that does NOT mean worming it out with a girl friend. Get a job and be somebody contributing and supportive instead of a parasite. His girl friend will get it at some point and either try to change him or leave him. Women aren't stupid, indeed their heart is a superior gift very much like God and capable of great and amazing good. Either the girlfriend or his honoring or violating it will have life long ramificattions. Love without respect is presumption. Repect without love is fear. He and she need balance of each and God to make it work out in their favor.

Aside from what I have written, you have found good support and prudent counsel here.

I had similar issue of confronting my youngest brother years ago regarding his fiance at that point - among other things their living together. He argued with me. As it turned out his best friend, a married protestant man silently dated the woman, which resulted in divorce. My brother broke up with the girlfriend at great expense and pain. The great story of God's redemption is that he eventually was sorry for his sins and God heard him. He was very JOYFULLY married November 10 to the woman he always wanted to date in high school. While lots of weddings are inside church buildings, this small wedding was profound for the presence of God in it. They are three in that marriage and it is truly one of the best weddings I have ever seen in my life. I hope the same for your son. Confronting my brother was tough.

In another case, I confronted my cousin, who was in seminary. I told him of a dream I had of him. It was not what he wanted to hear. Things cooled between us for probably two months. The short of that story is that he remained pure and became a wonderful priest and military chaplain in the USAF. The woman, who he was becoming serious about, professed vows in Mother Theresa of Calccutta's sisters of charity in San Francisco. Her brother became an extraordinary priest, who many think will one day be a bishop. Tough love is not always easy, and one has to be CHERITABLE and FIRM simultaneously as Christ was with some people - even His own Apostles huh? However, it is necessary to authentically love instead of conceeeding badly to the loss of reality for all concerned. Your position with prayer to God will affect even those you may not be aware are impacted.

Nov 24th 2012 new

Why turn him away and perhaps drive him out of your life (and out of the Church) forever?

Dec 8th 2012 new

(Quote) Beverly-649723 said: Rebecca, I've been where you are now, except that I was the one with the daughter,...
(Quote) Beverly-649723 said:

Rebecca,

I've been where you are now, except that I was the one with the daughter, and she was 7 months pregnant...during winter snows...unemployed...and she and her partner became homeless. I love my child VERY much, and I was in pain for her circumstances...

--hide--

My sister's family were very much the same as your daughter's. Thirty-seven years ago my sister was 18 yrs old, unmarried and pregnant. She was married by a justice of the peace (because a very wise priest refused an emergency wedding). However, neither she nor her husband were employed and they were on the brink of being homeless. My parents told her she could move back home, but that he was not welcome to come with her. So, my sister told him (who was 23) that if he didn't join the military, she would divorce him.

He joined the Army, she moved back home with us and had her baby. The marriage wasn't great but they stuck it out for 16 years. Sometimes tough love does work.

My prayers are with you. rosary

Dec 8th 2012 new
I agree with a'll the good advice. But let me share a story that may scare you into standing strong. I have a friend whose son has been in the same situation, but it involved, not one, but 2 pregnancies. My friend kept stepping in to help and he is now pushing 40, married to another woman who he is separated from with 2 children by her. She felt like when she let him come home, it was the Lord who was leading her to do it. Not sure about that, but do know they finally have cut him off. She and her husband are at peace and he's in rehab, again. In the end you cannot save him, only Jesus can. You pray and detach with with love. Pray that he reach the end of himself. Do not let them back in your house as a couple, he will not stay on the couch and she will not stay in the basement. If he has not respected your example and wishes now, he will not when he is under your roof.
Dec 9th 2012 new

ashamed
they are both still in my home, its been tension free past few days, week n half so far.
i work alot, always gone. i may purposely sell house ( which I need a plan anyway due to not being able to keep it all going) so we all have to begin anew somewhere else. They must save their $ and get a place of their own. as far as relations? I lost my son probably at age 15,16 and not much i can do about his loss of chastity. I remain conservative but cant be home 24 /7 to babysit them, they are rarely home anyway.

i am too weary to make him do anything, last time i made him do anything was when he was 1 month shy of his 18th bday and i had the police take him to an hospital and admitted him for 13 days for his anger/addiction issues.

thank u for the prayers, i pray for a miracle daily, and been saying a rosary now everyday again.

i feel all ur hugs and i thank u - there is no easy solution here.

Praying

Dec 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: I agree with a'll the good advice. But let me share a story that may scare you into standing strong...
(Quote) Joanna-615441 said: I agree with a'll the good advice. But let me share a story that may scare you into standing strong. I have a friend whose son has been in the same situation, but it involved, not one, but 2 pregnancies. My friend kept stepping in to help and he is now pushing 40, married to another woman who he is separated from with 2 children by her. She felt like when she let him come home, it was the Lord who was leading her to do it. Not sure about that, but do know they finally have cut him off. She and her husband are at peace and he's in rehab, again. In the end you cannot save him, only Jesus can. You pray and detach with with love. Pray that he reach the end of himself. Do not let them back in your house as a couple, he will not stay on the couch and she will not stay in the basement. If he has not respected your example and wishes now, he will not when he is under your roof.
--hide--
Joanna, I believe that is the most likely scenario for Rebecca as well. She can be supportive but firm. He is still her son. The question is what is she really obligated to do?

It seems she has a plan now to sell her home. Indirectly that will solve the problem of her son and girlfriend staying with her. But the other problems still exist. She can (and should) continue to pray for him (and his girlfriend), and encourage him to stand on his own two feet. At this point, setting an example by leading a good Christian life might be the best way for them to see how her faith has kept her strong. Example, instead of words, might be all he will recognize at this time. Rebecca isn't responsible for her son's actions -- only he is.

Dec 10th 2012 new

(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said: they are both still in my home, its been tension free past few days, week n half so far.
(Quote) Rebecca-767861 said:


they are both still in my home, its been tension free past few days, week n half so far.
i work alot, always gone. i may purposely sell house ( which I need a plan anyway due to not being able to keep it all going) so we all have to begin anew somewhere else. They must save their $ and get a place of their own. as far as relations? I lost my son probably at age 15,16 and not much i can do about his loss of chastity. I remain conservative but cant be home 24 /7 to babysit them, they are rarely home anyway.

i am too weary to make him do anything, last time i made him do anything was when he was 1 month shy of his 18th bday and i had the police take him to an hospital and admitted him for 13 days for his anger/addiction issues.

thank u for the prayers, i pray for a miracle daily, and been saying a rosary now everyday again.

i feel all ur hugs and i thank u - there is no easy solution here.

--hide--
Keep doing what you're doing in your prayer life and that "miracle" might happen. In the end, it's your son who must choose the path he is going to follow. We can hope that someday he'll realize why he's angry and unhappy -- it's because of the way he's leading his life. When that sinks in, he has a good chance of being son of whom you can be proud.

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