Faith Focused Dating. Create your Free Profile and meet your Match! Sign Up for Free
A place to learn, mingle, and share

Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 15th 2012 new

You're not doing anything wrong. I had the same concerns a couple of months ago, but some of our more tenured friends on CM explained that alot of profiles we're viewing might not be paying members.

I know it's frustrating - hang in there!

Nov 15th 2012 new
(Quote) John-220051 said: I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong here,and I'm wondering if it has to do with my profile. I...
(Quote) John-220051 said: I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong here,and I'm wondering if it has to do with my profile. I've gotten dates off CM in the past, say a few years back. But I've been sending emotigrams and notes to women who seem interesting, but I'm not getting responses.



Just a bit confused about what I am doing wrong here.
--hide--


Stay the course, boss! Don't know the pop. of Vienna (VA not Austria) ha. But I live in a city with 300,000 people and there's slim pickings. It's a numbers game. God bless
Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong here,and I'm wondering if it has to do with my ...
(Quote) John-220051 said: I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong here,and I'm wondering if it has to do with my profile. I've gotten dates off CM in the past, say a few years back. But I've been sending emotigrams and notes to women who seem interesting, but I'm not getting responses.

Just a bit confused about what I am doing wrong here.
--hide--

John the problem whith threads like this is that they often make so many assumptions about the person asking the question that is often not discussed. Let me throw a few on a list for you that all contribute to someone feeling they are not getting a lot of resposnes.

1. The ratio of people that don't respond is often time larger in the persons mind based on feelings. that it is in numbers. For example. One person may send out 10 messages and not get a respond to 6 but do get a response to 4. Rather focusing on the fact that 4 did respond they dwell on the 6 that did not. This can also be caused for a lot of reason but one of the big reason is often the following: The person or persons they were REALLY interested in was in that group of 6 rather than the group of 4 and thus it is more about WHO didn't respond rather than the number.

2. The criteria you are using to send messages to. Generally people are far less discerning online then in the real world and thus they often attempt to contact, meet people online that they would be far less likley to try to meet if it were in an online situation only. Using the guy for an example. If a guy is in a bar and he looks around the room he may try and contact the one or more women who he is most attracted to but often time guys will contact the women who he is attracted to as well as thinks is likely to respond positively. This can improve your chances because you are contacting less in numbers and you are using criteria that probably increase your odds.

While these threads often focus on the issue of "members are not responding because they are not paid subscribers and therefore can't is a red herring. Many people assume and assume wrongly that simply because someone CAN respond that they will respond to you. It just isn't so. Also, don't forget that everyone is different some members check their accounts multiple times a day and others are lucky if they log in a few times a month. People are just different that way.

My answer is not comprehensive nor am I trying to make excuses and as someone who used CatholicMatch longer than anyone else I know of I can say these things not just as someone with experience working on the site but as a use. I have been in your shoes.

Nov 15th 2012 new

John,

I think Brian hit it on the head - we have far too little information to be able to make an absolute answer on why exactly you are not receiving as many responses as you would like. To assume it is any of the things mentioned in this thread (non-member, etc.) is of no consequence - it could be a myriad of reasons, but, wondering in an open conversation such as this does not get you any closer to the answer.

I have participated in many threads where people wonder this exact thing, and there is only one universal answer here - WHO KNOWS?!?!?!

I recall a question posed by a lady not too long ago on another forum - why do men who clearly do not fit the criteria I have set in my profile contact me? Women, as much as men, are going to be selective about who they respond to, and will rely on the profile they read to determine potential. If you are writing someone whose criteria you don't match, then a response is unlikely. Similarly, if you have criteria in your profile that a woman does not feel she matches, she will also likely not respond.

Another reason could be "what" you are writing to these ladies. Are you sending blank emotigrams and uninteresting notes with little thought put into them? As a woman, I can assure you that even the man with the most interesting profile won't hear back from me with a blank emote or a "hey, beautiful" note. No lady wants to feel that a man has just sent out a form letter or set of emotes to a large number of women and that she is just one of many hooks that were thrown out waiting for a fish to bite. We want to feel a connection that is something more than skimming the surface. I know that means a lot of work on your part as the man, but, don't you think your potential wife is worth it?

One more thought before I close - have you ever not responded to ladies who wrote you? If so, why not consider the reasons you didn't write those ladies back, and perhaps you might start understanding a bit more about how things work around here. Not everyone responds and not everyone will even browse your profile back. It's all about mutual interest and active participation on this site. I have been here on and off for many years, and I can assure you that this site is a wonderful place to meet incredible Catholic people - friends, activity partners, potential spouses and more.

Just keep doing what you're doing - the ladies who see a gem in you WILL respond, and the work and the wait will have been absolutely worth it.



Nov 15th 2012 new

Hi John! I agree with a few folks below...it might be they are not paying customers and some just do have bad manners. I agree it is annoying and makes one not want to waste time but we have to keep the faith! Have a great day!

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Rosario-865972 said: Hi John! I agree with a few folks below...it might be they are not paying customers and some ju...
(Quote) Rosario-865972 said:

Hi John! I agree with a few folks below...it might be they are not paying customers and some just do have bad manners. I agree it is annoying and makes one not want to waste time but we have to keep the faith! Have a great day!

--hide--

Rosario you are not the first person to bring up this issue of bad manners. But you get my response! ;) (I am working on a blog post on just this issue.) Members on this website and on other types of dating/social networking websites need to realize there is NO universal aceeptance for not responding to people you don't know or barely know via online as being rude. Most people do not feel they are obligated to respond to a message unlike when a person is expected to shake a hand that has been extended in a greeting. It bothers me even more that some claim these people are less Catholic because of this so call rude behavior. Each person is entitled to their opinion about what they believe people should do but I think it best to be careful about calling people rude or less Catholic because of behavior that is not a generally accepted norm.

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Marirose-887295 said: I dont know. I always respond. Dont understand people with bad manners. I ...
(Quote) Marirose-887295 said:

I dont know. I always respond. Dont understand people with bad manners.


I even responded to an insulting message, cannot say I was kind in that instance though.

--hide--


Marirose, I am like you in that I always respond. I am from the South, so manners are important to me! Plus my mom would always say, "Do unto others, like you would have them do unto you!" Veronica wave

Nov 15th 2012 new

John, I have been here a decade, and I am sure you are not doing anything wrong. If you want suggestions, I would change your profile pic--this one looks a little like a school picture-maybe the second in your scrapbook would be a bit better (out doors, natural light, you look happy, and good looking).

Send out actual messages, not emotes, because basically the ladies don't care for bare emotes. Say SOMETHING even if it one or two lines as to why you are contacting them.

I think I would agree in toning down the 'what I am looking for' section. Saying someone has to come from a stable family excludes 90% of everyone! It is fine to want that, but advertising for it, is a bit off putting. Someone would say, oh, he would not like my "crazy" family and move on.

You are a good looking guy, and upstanding, I do agree that most don't get the rite you are in--maybe spend some time in your profile explaining it, that you are happy with someone of the Latin rite, won't make them give up the Latin rite, etc. That could be a very good point that girls are Scared off by what that all entails, as most have never been to such a rite church.

And most of all, pursue your vocation HEROICALLY--that means sending out several contacts a day, praying over them, and then being detached as to the result. As Brian says, focus on those who respond, not on those who do not. Easier said than done, but they deserve your focus not those who blew you off.

As a man it is your duty and your right and privilege to pick your wife...so keep on trying, and go out there and do it! hug Praying

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Brian-278516 said: Rosario you are not the first person to bring up this issue of bad manners. But you get ...
(Quote) Brian-278516 said:

Rosario you are not the first person to bring up this issue of bad manners. But you get my response! ;) (I am working on a blog post on just this issue.) Members on this website and on other types of dating/social networking websites need to realize there is NO universal aceeptance for not responding to people you don't know or barely know via online as being rude. Most people do not feel they are obligated to respond to a message unlike when a person is expected to shake a hand that has been extended in a greeting. It bothers me even more that some claim these people are less Catholic because of this so call rude behavior. Each person is entitled to their opinion about what they believe people should do but I think it best to be careful about calling people rude or less Catholic because of behavior that is not a generally accepted norm.

--hide--


I think the not responding has many reasons. But one that comes to mind for me (and I have revisited this a few times) is that I view CM as my apartment/house/phone (since I pay for those too), just because someone knocks on my door or calls, does not mean I am obligated to answer. It's the chance we take, sort of like cold calls for a salesman. If I am not "answered" when I stop by, I don't take it personal. I move on. The other reason I won't respond is if I know that the person clearly has not read my profile and they are way outside my age range.

Nov 15th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:Another reason could be "what" you are writing to these ladies. Are you sending blank...
(Quote) Michelle-50109 said:

Another reason could be "what" you are writing to these ladies. Are you sending blank emotigrams and uninteresting notes with little thought put into them? As a woman, I can assure you that even the man with the most interesting profile won't hear back from me with a blank emote or a "hey, beautiful" note. No lady wants to feel that a man has just sent out a form letter or set of emotes to a large number of women and that she is just one of many hooks that were thrown out waiting for a fish to bite. We want to feel a connection that is something more than skimming the surface. I know that means a lot of work on your part as the man, but, don't you think your potential wife is worth it?

--hide--
What then should a proper introductory note be?

Posts 11 - 20 of 30