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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 16th 2012 new

(Quote) Paul-866591 said: Let us put aside any discussion of Mexican or any other ethnic culture. It serves no useful purpos...
(Quote) Paul-866591 said:

Let us put aside any discussion of Mexican or any other ethnic culture. It serves no useful purpose in a discussion like this. If you want to understand the Mexican culture, fine.

We live in the US of A in the year 2012. So the only culture that matters is this one. Unfortunately today in our culture it is just not rationally possible for a women to be solely and completely a housewife. In most families, it is an absolutely necessity that both partners work. Not because they want two homes, a car for everyone and every occasion etc. But it is a necessity for survival. So if both partners are not able to bring home the bacon, the family is in trouble.

Even if, a family is well off enough that both don't have to work, the roles demanded of the stay at home partner are such that they darn well had better develop diverse interests.

But even that aside, in my own life I looked at the practical side of things. If something happened to me; death, serious illness, disability, etc. even divorce; I loved my wife enough to want to be sure that she could make her way without me. That required that she have a marketable skill; a functioning brain that would allow her to do the things necessary to live.

Still looking at it solely from the practical side. Like most families, over our 51 years, we had a lot of ups and downs. Really rough days economically as well as easy days. I relied on her advise and ideas. Two of the best investments I ever made were her suggestions. Its just too bad she died just as we were in the position of kicking back and enjoying the fruits of what we both brought to the marriage.

The only interest she picked up that drove me crazy was her obsession with politics during the last 10 years of her life. The obsession was eating her up with worry over the world our children were going to have to live in. A lot of those worries are turning out to be well founded. But then, I long ago learned that she did have a very good head on her shoulder and was someone that should be listened to, even if you did not agree with her. She intuitively arrived at conclusions that I could only arrive at after a lot of reasoning.

She was a teacher who taught gifted kids, the brightest and the best, and she was darn good at it. She learned from them as much as they did from her.

--hide--
Paul -- we're seeing the "soft" side of you.

I'm not so sure we can put aside ethnic cultures entirely, though, even in this country. It's a melting pot, and we're going to see more and more of it.

That being said, there's something more important here. What a glowing tribute to your late wife!!! You spoke so eloquently about her. Plus that, you made it to your 50th anniversary -- something that those of us who have been around for awhile will never see. You had a good partner -- both of you made great choices. Plus that, you obviously know the meaning and value of commitment. It helped to keep you together during the rough times. You respected her as a person and for her abilities; both of you handled your share of the load.

Blessings upon both of you. theheart

Nov 16th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Wow. Well if a man was not interested in my interests and belittled them or made ligh...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:




Wow. Well if a man was not interested in my interests and belittled them or made light of them or had to force himself to learn about them, that would tell me that things will pretty much not work for anything in the future.
Yes couples should have their own interests.

I have trouble imagining why someone would be interested in me but not my interests on some level... if he were interested in getting to know me..... but if a person is simply attracted to a person and it does not matter to the guy what the woman cares about, I guess it could happen...

--hide--
I'm not carrying it to that extreme, Marian. With either gender, personal interests shouldn't be belittled or made light of. I was just referring to the teaching aspects of some of these things. To take it a step further, it would be helpful and considerate to learn at least the basics of the other person's interests. If a person is enthusiastic about a particular activity or hobby, the other can have the courtesy of learning some of the elementary aspects, so at least some conversation about it can take place. Men and sports? Women could learn a little bit -- even if it isn't interesting. Men can do the same. It doesn't mean sharing the same degree of enthusiasm, but is just that -- sharing.

The example I mentioned earlier about art -- well, a person can learn something about it without being passionate. Sometimes art (as well as other things) can be appreciated for art's sake. Same with movies. Do we always need to analyze or disect a movie? Sometimes we just like it -- or not, with no particular reason in mind.

Not all of one's partner's activities might be of interest, but I would hope that there are some that they share in common, to keep from getting bored with each other.

Hope that explains things a bit more.

Nov 16th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: Wow. Well if a man was not interested...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Quote:
Marian-83994 said:




Wow. Well if a man was not interested in my interests and belittled them or made light of them or had to force himself to learn about them, that would tell me that things will pretty much not work for anything in the future.
Yes couples should have their own interests.

I have trouble imagining why someone would be interested in me but not my interests on some level... if he were interested in getting to know me..... but if a person is simply attracted to a person and it does not matter to the guy what the woman cares about, I guess it could happen...


I'm not carrying it to that extreme, Marian. With either gender, personal interests shouldn't be belittled or made light of. I was just referring to the teaching aspects of some of these things. To take it a step further, it would be helpful and considerate to learn at least the basics of the other person's interests. If a person is enthusiastic about a particular activity or hobby, the other can have the courtesy of learning some of the elementary aspects, so at least some conversation about it can take place. Men and sports? Women could learn a little bit -- even if it isn't interesting. Men can do the same. It doesn't mean sharing the same degree of enthusiasm, but is just that -- sharing.

The example I mentioned earlier about art -- well, a person can learn something about it without being passionate. Sometimes art (as well as other things) can be appreciated for art's sake. Same with movies. Do we always need to analyze or disect a movie? Sometimes we just like it -- or not, with no particular reason in mind.

Not all of one's partner's activities might be of interest, but I would hope that there are some that they share in common, to keep from getting bored with each other.

Hope that explains things a bit more.

--hide--


Yes that explains things. Thank you Ray. Thanks for posting.

Nov 17th 2012 new

i like your post pat

Nov 17th 2012 new

I'm and independent women living in Australia, 10 years ago I moved to a country lifestyle property with my husband to support his dream of living a country life and it became our shared dream with our children. 6 years later he decided that it wasn't his thing after all and he left (obviously there is a little more to this story).

After he left I did a small engines maintenance course so I could service my mowers and other machinery, I did a chainsaw course so I could cut wood. I continue to play the role of mother and father, driver, tutor and carer travelling a minimum of 50km to most services and last but not least provider working a full time job in government and an active volunteer in my community. It's a lonely life sometimes, but none the less rewarding;

I've become independent out of necessity and pragmatism not to be a threat to men (or women for that matter). If we as a faith community cannot accept others achievements or interests ans a part of who they are, then it is a sad world.

theheart

Nov 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Shoul...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Should she only be interested in the home?
What does anyone think about this? Please share your thoughts ladies and gentlemen. Are men in favor of a woman who has outside interests and wants to pursue those interests?

Are men happy when they meet a woman who has hobbies and interests or do they automatically think of redirecting her attention to him in every way? be honest...

A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.

Please share and comment.. THANK YOU!!!

--hide--
I say, cultivate your interests. Live a joy filled life! There is a huge world out there that God created and He did it for His children to enjoy and appreciate. I also think. that as you involve yourself in the things that make you happy, you will radiate the joy of life, you will meet people who share a common interest, and you will be a fascinating person to talk and share with! I say go for it! It will only make you a more valualble person. As a person who is staying open to realtionship, I know that I am attracted to people who enjoy and appreciate their life as much as possible over those who are depressed! So get out there girly! Explore this great life that God has given YOU!

Nov 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Shoul...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

Should a woman have her own interests or should she only be interested in food and cooking? Should she only be interested in the home?
What does anyone think about this? Please share your thoughts ladies and gentlemen. Are men in favor of a woman who has outside interests and wants to pursue those interests?

Are men happy when they meet a woman who has hobbies and interests or do they automatically think of redirecting her attention to him in every way? be honest...

A fine fellow here mentioned that when he heard the word independence from a woman, it had a meaning that struck a chord with him due to his experiences.

Please share and comment.. THANK YOU!!!

--hide--
I think the word independence is a whole other thread.... I think people view it differently. Obviously as a single person we have to be independent. I'm not thrilled about having to fix things that I have no clue about but, I do need to try to conserve my money so, I give it a whirl. Somestimes I accomplish great stuff and sometimes I just get frustrated but that is life. I'd love to share a dependent life with someone. Until then I guess I have to be independent....lol

Nov 17th 2012 new

I would have no problem doing the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the family. I wouldn't see it as being confined to a box or a certain role. Likewise, if a man wanted to take care of the yard work and fix the car, I would be grateful! However, I would hope that once in awhile, if I've had a bad day or am really tired or busy he would be able to step in and offer to help. I would hope to do the same for him. I have no problem mowing the lawn or shoveling the driveway. Resentment would build if I felt I was doing all of the work or the work I did was not appreciated. I think the chore list would best be made if it was divided according to each person's interests and abilities.


As for interests and hobbies, I think having some shared interests is a great place to start. I think it's important for spouses/significant others to spend time together doing things that both enjoy. If each only does the things that interest them and there is nothing in common it would be difficult to maintain a relationship. It would be like operating within two separate circles, rarely meeting. However, each person does not have to be a carbon copy of the other. Each should have their own interests and hobbies, as long as they make spending time together a greater priority than the separate interests they pursue. I also think, for the sake of the other, that once in awhile each should participate in things their spouse or significant other enjoys, even if it's not a mutual interest. It's good for the relationship to take an interest in one another, even if they don't share the interest in the particular activity or hobby that is in question.

Nov 17th 2012 new

(Quote) Mike-646924 said: David Bro; Yeah i'am Joking; Listen on a serious note the Lady in my life can have any interes...
(Quote) Mike-646924 said:

David Bro; Yeah i'am Joking; Listen on a serious note the Lady in my life can have any interests she wants; She had them before WE met; And she's goin to have them in our relationship; HEY I'am "Flexible" Here; Just as long i can have my interests; Whether if its inside interests or outside iterests! (period) Then we can talkabout doing something together! BTW! Sorry Linda NOT FOND OF THE SPAM CASROLE MAYBE A "MEATLOAF" DINNER Mike "peace"!! Hey at our ages we should be flexible etc!!

--hide--
What does that mean? "inside interest or outside interests?" Just wondering .....

Lost in the conversation in TN

Nov 17th 2012 new

Yes of course a woman should have her own interests and so should the man. The important thing is to find the balance. If the woman has so many interests that she is too busy then the relationship suffers. The same is said for the man. There has to be a healthy balance.

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