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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

I would like to hear your thoughts.


1. What do you mean by 'take the lead'?


2. I assume you mean 'the lead' at the beginning of the relationship/friendship, and not all the time?


3. How does this differ from the woman not doing 'her part', beyond just saying 'yes' or 'no'?

Of course, I suspect what some of the answers might be. But it just might be 'academically interesting'--at least--to hear your thoughts.

Nov 16th 2012 new

How do you feel about it John? We do not know our audience and until you say more, we may decide not to post. Share yourself please.

Nov 16th 2012 new

Men should, by all means, take the lead. All the Theologians that I admire appear to be in agreement that it's in mens' natures to want to take the lead in a relationship. This is not (of course) to say that a woman's opinion doesn't matter. But, there is a reason why traditionally, men have been the ones to ask women out on a first date, to propose mairrage to women, to be the leader of the family etc. Saint Joseph, for example, was a "righteous man" because he stepped up and supported and aided our Lord and our Lady. I absolutely believe that, in his actions, Saint Joseph did right by Mary and Jesus and also did the will of God. Obviously no man today can be Saint Joseph but every man can be like him. wave Nikole

Nov 16th 2012 new

It's human nature for the man to "pursue" the woman, (not stalk). It's the way they are made. A woman wants to be gently pursued by an honorable Christian gentlemen. We of course drop our indiscreet good catholic girl hankies to encourage them. Battling eyelashes

Nov 16th 2012 new

I think its fine for a woman to initiate contact online but the man should than take the reins wants the momentum gets going. And in a relationship the man should be lead the dance. But as far as initiating contact I don't see why a woman could not get something started just to break the ice.

Nov 16th 2012 new

(Quote) Joseph-903200 said: I think its fine for a woman to initiate contact online but the man should than take the reins w...
(Quote) Joseph-903200 said:

I think its fine for a woman to initiate contact online but the man should than take the reins wants the momentum gets going. And in a relationship the man should be lead the dance. But as far as initiating contact I don't see why a woman could not get something started just to break the ice.

--hide--


Totally agree. OK for the woman to initiate but after that let the man take the lead. When I contra dance I sometimes get off course and my female partners have gently guided me back on course. But in dancing 2 people cannot both lead at the same time and generally it's the man's place to do it. Ditto in the relationship.

Nov 16th 2012 new

Why do I want a man to take the lead? Because I would really like to be the woman in the relationship. Personally, it is awfully hard to feel feminine or authentically my best self when I'm in charge of everything, or almost everything. Don't get me wrong- I can be an awesome leader. I have many talents and abilities and you'd better believe I can get things done. However, it's definitely in my nature to play more of a supportive, receptive role. If I have to be both the man and the woman in the relationship all the time, I often feel like I might as well be by myself. Likewise, I suspect that a man who found himself doing all the work and not receiving much participation and support from the woman might come to the same conclusion.

(Quote) John-904878 said: I would like to hear your thoughts. 1. What do you mean by 'take the lead'?...
(Quote) John-904878 said:

I would like to hear your thoughts.


1. What do you mean by 'take the lead'?


2. I assume you mean 'the lead' at the beginning of the relationship/friendship, and not all the time?


3. How does this differ from the woman not doing 'her part', beyond just saying 'yes' or 'no'?

Of course, I suspect what some of the answers might be. But it just might be 'academically interesting'--at least--to hear your thoughts.

--hide--


1. Initiate things. Be proactive. Be assertive. Be active in maintaining the relationship. Take responsibility.


2. Personally, I don't want someone who is a leader long enough to "catch" me and then quits any more than I want someone who tells me I'm beautiful long enough to catch me and then never tells me again. I'm looking for someone who wants to be a leader to our whole family and has an inclination to do this for as long as we both shall live.


3. Women have their roles too. I think it's a pretty unflattering charicature to paint it as merely saying yes or no. (In this picture are we also sitting on our bums, watching soaps, and eating bon-bons?) Passive and lazy is not necessarily the opposite of active leader. Women have to do their part in maintaining the relationship, in communicating, in discussing issues/options, in problem-solving, in supporting their mate, in picking up the slack when needed, etc. A supportive role is not a nothing role. Having the leadership role is a huge responsibility, and it can be scary. Trusting in another's leadership without yanking the reins out of their hands is not necessarily an easy thing to do either, and that vulnerability that comes in giving up some of our control can be scary too. Despite the risks inherent in playing these roles for each other, I just feel things are more harmonious and balanced when roles in a relationship are complementary as opposed to redundant. Maybe for me it just drives home the idea of becoming one with each other and needing each other.

Nov 16th 2012 new
theheart Actually, with the new CM Match system, neither have to take the initial lead. CM is doing that. The closest thing to a nudge from the Lord I guess we'll get. I have initiated contact twice on CM and once with a dating service that matched you with someone sight unseen and with a 4 line mini bio. Was told by the company "This is the 21st Century. Women may and should make the initial contact." All initial contacts made by me were disasters. The two CM gents said they were in relationships. I wanted to scream," So what are you still doing on CM!!! It took a lot of courage on my part to call the company's referral. You got it. The guy answering the phone said he was in a relationship! I called the company and complained about their poor screening practices. Their defense was "Are you sure you were not speaking to one of his adult sons?" I told them "How am I suppose to know? I've never met the guy let alone his kids!" I eventually quit that company. Bottom line is, it's all my Mom's fault, my parochial schooling, and my age. Mom always said "Girls don't call guys unless they want to be thought of as...you can figure out where Mom was going with that line. The irony is I went to an all girl Catholic high school. Mom forced me to go to my Junior Prom. "Call a guy or I'll make your brother take you!" Sure. Biggest problem with the CM Match system are the LDR choices. When you're young, no problem. If you're older, have a job and or kids and grandkids, it not that easy to move, not even for "true love."
Nov 17th 2012 new

Love this song - Lead Me by Sanctus Real

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