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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Eileen, I join you in saying that you learned a lot from those who posted here. My knowl...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Eileen,

I join you in saying that you learned a lot from those who posted here. My knowledge has been increased a lot by their opinions and real-life experiences.

Regarding your words, Ultimately, it turns out that they all need support of a type i.e. encouragement, some petting of ego but not only
from me but all around them, I noticed two other women who made observations that were somewhat similar and of course you have already seen these, but maybe a refresher is in order as those posts may not be in your mind at the moment.

Alice-788574 wrote,

I have to say this after 16 years with a COA type. The facade of the fun-loving, care-free extrovert was a bit of a mask. He had a deep need for acceptance from others whether at work, socially, or at home - but the acceptance he demanded was not just about who he was as an individual, but his destructive behaviors as well. The moment I called him on a behavior (such as routinely staying out till 2am - ie, cheating), I had to duck.

Angela-893980 said,

There are two different COA types I have dated.
1. The have to have attention for the sake of attention. This type seeks others to fawn all over them, tries to keep the growd focused on them.
2. Te popular person who everyone knows and likes. This person is good at getting groups talking and laughing. This type doesn't always seek the attention, it just kind of happens.
I tend to avoid type 1 but would easily date type 2 again. And it is possible to have a good time with a COA type even when you are not one yourself.

So you see, I do have photos after all. I remember one comment about my photos from a women about fours years ago because it was rather unusual. I can't remember her exact words, but she said something to the effect that I was hiding or holding back my real self from coming forward to be seen. Oh well, can't please 'em all.

Hiding out in front of the camera,

John

--hide--
Dear John,

Just a slip of the fingers ...sorry just waking up. I think your photo is very handsome. You look conservative but I can see your
personality. Do you know what I was thinking today? I know you give up so here goes. I didn't realize how computer dating
worked really. I think it is one dimensional and unless you take the time to actually listen to the person (now I am saying it
not in the dating sense of the word but people wise i.e. men and women) get to know them for what they contribute, it is
like writing letters abroad. I sometimes like to look at the pic and imagine them talking and listening so it makes it more personal.
Now when I write to you, I will see you standing on the street with your city in the background and know you are real and not
just words on my computer. I do have a tendency to think in pictures as I have said before here. Even when I am listening to
someone talk, the movie of what is being said it playing in my mind. Crazy, huh?

Back to the COA and what Alice wrote....oh yes, I did see that behavior. I think it must be exhausting being the COA and when
he would come home, the hair came down and and everything caught in it went flying. I used to say to him, you are a married
man living a single life. He finally heard those words along with how stubborn he could be and actually asked some of his
co-workers what they thought. They reinforced my evaluation and he was truly astounded. Sometimes the reflection in the
mirror is not pretty.

The other "person" is one that really wants to be accepted and loved by everyone. We all know that is impossible but he just
liked the feeling that people would perk up and converse, tease (not like that), paying attention to the point that there wasn't anyone
left in the room but them two. Being on the outside and invisable is not where I want to be either.

All in all, I want to be the princess, John. That sounds a little silly at this age but you know the video of the queen (or princess) riding
in the state car with the all so practiced wave? She knows people are acknowledging her and she is also recognizing them but stays
a little aloof and private like she has a secret? Maybe I like that sometimes. LOL! Man oh Man where do these ideas come from?

What is on your plate today John? It is Sunday and I was wondering if you are one of those people who have a set menu that
you eat from every week like the underwear that I would wear when I was a little girl with the days of the week on them. HA!HA! HA!
I make myself laugh because NOBODY gets my sense of humor like me. Or are you someone that likes to think out of the box and
have wasabi peas in your pantry along with spicy salsa. Go ahead and tell me..."enquiring" minds want to know.

Eileen

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Dear John, Just a slip of the fingers ...sorry just waking up. I think your photo is ver...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Dear John,

Just a slip of the fingers ...sorry just waking up. I think your photo is very handsome. You look conservative but I can see your
personality. Do you know what I was thinking today? I know you give up so here goes. I didn't realize how computer dating
worked really. I think it is one dimensional and unless you take the time to actually listen to the person (now I am saying it
not in the dating sense of the word but people wise i.e. men and women) get to know them for what they contribute, it is
like writing letters abroad. I sometimes like to look at the pic and imagine them talking and listening so it makes it more personal.
Now when I write to you, I will see you standing on the street with your city in the background and know you are real and not
just words on my computer. I do have a tendency to think in pictures as I have said before here. Even when I am listening to
someone talk, the movie of what is being said it playing in my mind. Crazy, huh?

Back to the COA and what Alice wrote....oh yes, I did see that behavior. I think it must be exhausting being the COA and when
he would come home, the hair came down and and everything caught in it went flying. I used to say to him, you are a married
man living a single life. He finally heard those words along with how stubborn he could be and actually asked some of his
co-workers what they thought. They reinforced my evaluation and he was truly astounded. Sometimes the reflection in the
mirror is not pretty.

The other "person" is one that really wants to be accepted and loved by everyone. We all know that is impossible but he just
liked the feeling that people would perk up and converse, tease (not like that), paying attention to the point that there wasn't anyone
left in the room but them two. Being on the outside and invisable is not where I want to be either.

All in all, I want to be the princess, John. That sounds a little silly at this age but you know the video of the queen (or princess) riding
in the state car with the all so practiced wave? She knows people are acknowledging her and she is also recognizing them but stays
a little aloof and private like she has a secret? Maybe I like that sometimes. LOL! Man oh Man where do these ideas come from?

What is on your plate today John? It is Sunday and I was wondering if you are one of those people who have a set menu that
you eat from every week like the underwear that I would wear when I was a little girl with the days of the week on them. HA!HA! HA!
I make myself laugh because NOBODY gets my sense of humor like me. Or are you someone that likes to think out of the box and
have wasabi peas in your pantry along with spicy salsa. Go ahead and tell me..."enquiring" minds want to know.

Eileen

--hide--
Dear Eileen,

Thanks for letting me know that you liked the photos. I saw yours and you are lovely. Keep smiling.

I appreciate the interesting details about various things that you included.

I wonder how you came up with the idea of having your ex-husband ask his co-worker whether he was actually living like a single man. That was original to me.

What did I do today? I mainly engaged in some enjoyable things on the Internet and I walked about four miles outside. Regarding my diet, it's mainly simple - no long-time cooking and no fancy spices except somethymes. laughing

Trying to be allspice and all nice at the same thyme, mischievous shhh

John

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Dear John, Just a slip of the fingers ...sorry just waking up. I think your photo is ver...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Dear John,

Just a slip of the fingers ...sorry just waking up. I think your photo is very handsome. You look conservative but I can see your
personality. Do you know what I was thinking today? I know you give up so here goes. I didn't realize how computer dating
worked really. I think it is one dimensional and unless you take the time to actually listen to the person (now I am saying it
not in the dating sense of the word but people wise i.e. men and women) get to know them for what they contribute, it is
like writing letters abroad. I sometimes like to look at the pic and imagine them talking and listening so it makes it more personal.
Now when I write to you, I will see you standing on the street with your city in the background and know you are real and not
just words on my computer. I do have a tendency to think in pictures as I have said before here. Even when I am listening to
someone talk, the movie of what is being said it playing in my mind. Crazy, huh?

Back to the COA and what Alice wrote....oh yes, I did see that behavior. I think it must be exhausting being the COA and when
he would come home, the hair came down and and everything caught in it went flying. I used to say to him, you are a married
man living a single life. He finally heard those words along with how stubborn he could be and actually asked some of his
co-workers what they thought. They reinforced my evaluation and he was truly astounded. Sometimes the reflection in the
mirror is not pretty.

The other "person" is one that really wants to be accepted and loved by everyone. We all know that is impossible but he just
liked the feeling that people would perk up and converse, tease (not like that), paying attention to the point that there wasn't anyone
left in the room but them two. Being on the outside and invisable is not where I want to be either.

All in all, I want to be the princess, John. That sounds a little silly at this age but you know the video of the queen (or princess) riding
in the state car with the all so practiced wave? She knows people are acknowledging her and she is also recognizing them but stays
a little aloof and private like she has a secret? Maybe I like that sometimes. LOL! Man oh Man where do these ideas come from?

What is on your plate today John? It is Sunday and I was wondering if you are one of those people who have a set menu that
you eat from every week like the underwear that I would wear when I was a little girl with the days of the week on them. HA!HA! HA!
I make myself laugh because NOBODY gets my sense of humor like me. Or are you someone that likes to think out of the box and
have wasabi peas in your pantry along with spicy salsa. Go ahead and tell me..."enquiring" minds want to know.

Eileen

--hide--
Dear John,

You do have a way with words and playing with words.

I actually didn't ask him to take a poll on his behavior. I think the words just took hold one day and he had to ask someone and
he worked with these people 12 hours a day and went out drinking with them after so they knew him. I was just happy that
they were honest and maybe he had a moment of reflection. Or maybe not and they just shamed him! My dream of forever was forever
vanquished to outerspace and now the universe is safe for all humanity. Got a little drama to go with that milk?

Just getting home from work and a mandatory meeting after work with the Unit Manager and am ready for lala land. I usually don't
dream on mornings like this and that is a surprise. With all the sparks and hoopla in my brain, you would think it was having a party!

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Dear John, You do have a way with words and playing with words. I actually didn&...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Dear John,

You do have a way with words and playing with words.

I actually didn't ask him to take a poll on his behavior. I think the words just took hold one day and he had to ask someone and
he worked with these people 12 hours a day and went out drinking with them after so they knew him. I was just happy that
they were honest and maybe he had a moment of reflection. Or maybe not and they just shamed him! My dream of forever was forever
vanquished to outerspace and now the universe is safe for all humanity. Got a little drama to go with that milk?

Just getting home from work and a mandatory meeting after work with the Unit Manager and am ready for lala land. I usually don't
dream on mornings like this and that is a surprise. With all the sparks and hoopla in my brain, you would think it was having a party!

--hide--
Dear Eileen:

You took note that his friends were honest in what they told him. Too many times friends "protect" friends with lies.

I hope that things went well with the unit manager. I guess that the way to ask about this, "Are you still part of the unit?" crossfingers

John

Dec 3rd 2012 new

I think your outta line with Amber. Anyone who absolutley requires being the center of attention hasn't put God first. So why would Amber look his way?

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Tracey-574123 said: I think your outta line with Amber. Anyone who absolutley requires being the center of attention...
(Quote) Tracey-574123 said:

I think your outta line with Amber. Anyone who absolutley requires being the center of attention hasn't put God first. So why would Amber look his way?

--hide--
Hi Tracey,

I tried to trace back to the place where I wrote the post in which I could face the criticism you voiced. I could not find it, but my answer to you is that I believe that the context in which I wrote was one where most people would infer that I was referring only to humans beings; that is, it was not an absolute context in which God would be the center of attention.

Not trying to replace God with a stone face, smile eyebrow

John

Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Dear Eileen: You took note that his friends were honest in what they told him. Too many tim...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Dear Eileen:

You took note that his friends were honest in what they told him. Too many times friends "protect" friends with lies.

I hope that things went well with the unit manager. I guess that the way to ask about this, "Are you still part of the unit?"

John

--hide--
Dear John,

I have a 45 minute window of awake time after I finish my shift and then I am totally sleep deprived and not responsible
for my actions. I say jokingly that I have a disease I made up called vehicular narcolepsy meaning as soon as I get into
my car, I want to go to sleep. As the meeting was 50 minutes long, I could feel myself heading down the road of no return
and one of my fellow nurses watching my eyes close and smiling at me, a sure sign I was making a spectacle of myself. Sure
enough, the manager was looking at me dead on and I am thinking as I am seeing two of her "boy, am I going to get it."
Perked me up enough to look like I was paying attention and heading to the time clock like a bullet out of a hotly fired gun.
I made it home and no phone calls on my recorder when I woke up...so I think I am in the clear at least until next weekend.

Hoping not to find a pink slip tacked to my locker!

Eileen

Dec 4th 2012 new

I am referring to an implied subtlety. That somehow Amber can't have a relaionship because she doesn't accept "the world revolves around me" type men. It is adversly implied in your comments. Keep looking, it's there. Clearly she depends on God. If a man demands that kind of attention.....his expectations are not in tune with the faith. He can with assistence change his tune. The bible does arn of men who enslave.......men who demand ...me me me......bring that to mind.

Dec 4th 2012 new

(Quote) Tracey-574123 said: I am referring to an implied subtlety. That somehow Amber can't have a relaionship because s...
(Quote) Tracey-574123 said:

I am referring to an implied subtlety. That somehow Amber can't have a relaionship because she doesn't accept "the world revolves around me" type men. It is adversly implied in your comments. Keep looking, it's there. Clearly she depends on God. If a man demands that kind of attention.....his expectations are not in tune with the faith. He can with assistence change his tune. The bible does arn of men who enslave.......men who demand ...me me me......bring that to mind.

--hide--
Tracey,

To determine whether your interpretation is correct, I go to the best source among us, Amber.

On this page, www.catholicmatch.com , Amber herself wrote this in a very direct way without subtle implications: I'm not sure if I could date someone who HAS to be the center or attention... I also don't think I'd be good for him since I'm bad at giving enough attention for people like that.

On the same page she wrote this directly: But honestly, if someone needs to be the center of attention all the time, I doubt I could have a good relationship with them.

John

Dec 4th 2012 new

(Quote) Tracey-574123 said: I am referring to an implied subtlety. That somehow Amber can't have a relaionship because s...
(Quote) Tracey-574123 said:

I am referring to an implied subtlety. That somehow Amber can't have a relaionship because she doesn't accept "the world revolves around me" type men. It is adversly implied in your comments. Keep looking, it's there. Clearly she depends on God. If a man demands that kind of attention.....his expectations are not in tune with the faith. He can with assistence change his tune. The bible does arn of men who enslave.......men who demand ...me me me......bring that to mind.

--hide--
Are you familiar with this sort of COA person, Tracey?

Posts 121 - 130 of 131