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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

11/18/2012 new

(Quote) Amber-413562 said: You're right, either way I'm bad with attention. I'm not used to getting it, so when ...
(Quote) Amber-413562 said:

You're right, either way I'm bad with attention. I'm not used to getting it, so when I do it's uncomfortable. I also don't really know how to give it...unless it's to a baby or toddler. lol
I honestly wouldn't know how it would effect a relationship since I've never been in one.

--hide--
Amber,

That does not seem like a very happy situation. Have there been at least some relatives or friends with whom the sharing of companionship and company have been comfortable and enjoyable?

John

11/18/2012 new

(Quote) Amber-413562 said: Hmm... Re-reading what I wrote last night, maybe all the capitals was a bit much But honestly...
(Quote) Amber-413562 said:

Hmm... Re-reading what I wrote last night, maybe all the capitals was a bit much
But honestly, if someone needs to be the center of attention all the time, I doubt I could have a good relationship with them. And I do very much dislike being the center of attention, It'll give me an anxiety attack.

--hide--
Anxiety attacks? That sounds downright scarry. eyepopping

11/18/2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, I am not the center of attention type but don't mind being "in the mix...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

I am not the center of attention type but don't mind being "in the mix" sometimes. I like being noticed and
not being invisible.

I have dated and married the "bad boy" who did enjoy being the center of attention. Truly, I was the
good girl and he was the man who wore the tight jeans, big belt buckle, and had that swagger that
garnered attention. I think the attraction was opposites attract. It was alot of fun for awhile, the
wild ride.

Would I think of dating another COA? Probably because they are usually extroverts. They have a charisma
all their own and confidence. Generally speaking, that personality is really looking to be noticed for something more
than their exterior and if you can peel the layers away and if that person is willing to share more than the top
layer, I'd like to be the pearer!

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

Thanks for relating your real life adventures with COAs.

You made some observations that are original, or at least new to me. I was especially struck by this portion:

Generally speaking, that personality is really looking to be noticed for something more than their exterior ....

I would have thought that many, if not most, of the center-of-attention types were attention-seekers through loudness and other extremes mainly because they lacked development of their real inner self or their actual personality to show to the world. My ideas have not come from such real and direct experiences as yours. It was helpful to read a more complete description of the center-of-attention types from somebody with direct contact with them.

Wondering how many COAs are in the CIA where they shouldn't be, eyepopping laughing

John

11/18/2012 new

(Quote) Jeannie-822585 said: In my past, the men who were like that quickly showed their true colors of being a womanizer, a...
(Quote) Jeannie-822585 said:

In my past, the men who were like that quickly showed their true colors of being a womanizer, and I was out of their life. There has to be a balance in a relationship where it is about the couple, not an individual.

--hide--
Hi Jeannie,

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Since you seem not to write a lot here, I feel complimented that I came up with something that caught your fancy.

I think that I understand some of what you mean by, There has to be a balance in a relationship. Do you think though that sometimes there can be a good imbalance such as when one person likes to talk and the other likes to listen? Of course many people who like to talk are far from also being the center-of-attention type and so this question is not an attempt to disagree with your experience with center-of-attention types.

Trying to balance the imbalances in a balanced way, shhh wave

John

11/18/2012 new

I have to say this after 16 years with a COA type. The facade of the fun-loving, care-free extrovert was a bit of a mask. He had a deep need for acceptance from others whether at work, socially, or at home - but the acceptance he demanded was not just about who he was as an individual, but his destructive behaviors as well. The moment I called him on a behavior (such as routinely staying out til 2am - ie, cheating), I had to duck. duck

This is NOT a judgment on all extroverts and sanguines - I'm sanguine and tend to enjoy chatting and "being in the mix". But I'm careful to take time to listen, to be empathic, and to do what I can to help others. But just be careful of COA types, especially if they show signs of not being able to see past their own noses. It bends toward narcissism. And it can end with abuse. When someone demands to be a center of the universe, he or she is bound to crash and burn. Only God is God. wave

11/18/2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Amber, That does not seem like a very happy situation. Have there been at least some relati...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Amber,

That does not seem like a very happy situation. Have there been at least some relatives or friends with whom the sharing of companionship and company have been comfortable and enjoyable?

John

--hide--

scratchchin Not exactly. I don't live too close to relatives (cousins/aunts/uncles) and I don't really have friends (I stay in too much). So other than my sister, I'm not very comfortable with giving/recieving attention. Even with my immidiate family it's uncomfortable, we've never been a 'huggy/kissy family that says I love you. So stuff like that feels weird. boggled
BUT, I plan on trying to get out more around other people so maybe I can get more comfortable with things like that, it would definitely help my anxiety issues. wink

11/19/2012 new

(Quote) Alice-788574 said: I have to say this after 16 years with a COA type. The facade of the fun-loving, care-free extrov...
(Quote) Alice-788574 said:

I have to say this after 16 years with a COA type. The facade of the fun-loving, care-free extrovert was a bit of a mask. He had a deep need for acceptance from others whether at work, socially, or at home - but the acceptance he demanded was not just about who he was as an individual, but his destructive behaviors as well. The moment I called him on a behavior (such as routinely staying out til 2am - ie, cheating), I had to duck.

This is NOT a judgment on all extroverts and sanguines - I'm sanguine and tend to enjoy chatting and "being in the mix". But I'm careful to take time to listen, to be empathic, and to do what I can to help others. But just be careful of COA types, especially if they show signs of not being able to see past their own noses. It bends toward narcissism. And it can end with abuse. When someone demands to be a center of the universe, he or she is bound to crash and burn. Only God is God.

--hide--
Hi Alice,

Thanks for telling us your experience with a COA. Your remarks remind me of Dr Drew's comments about attention-seeking people, such as contestants on reality shows, on the other hand and, on the other hand, narcissism.

That you had "to duck" was scary.

I'd like you to elaborate on what you meant by, "not being able to see past their own noses". scratchchin

Not intending to be nosey, shhh

John

11/19/2012 new

(Quote) Amber-413562 said: Not exactly. I don't live too close to relatives (cousins/aunts/uncles) and I don't reall...
(Quote) Amber-413562 said:

Not exactly. I don't live too close to relatives (cousins/aunts/uncles) and I don't really have friends (I stay in too much). So other than my sister, I'm not very comfortable with giving/recieving attention. Even with my immidiate family it's uncomfortable, we've never been a 'huggy/kissy family that says I love you. So stuff like that feels weird.
BUT, I plan on trying to get out more around other people so maybe I can get more comfortable with things like that, it would definitely help my anxiety issues.

--hide--
It's good to hear that you have at least one person to socialize with and that she knows you very, very well. smile

11/19/2012 new

Hi John I was thinking about your post. Don't you believe we can all turn on our "center of attention" personality when we want to. I was thinking about a good friend of mine she thrives on being the center of attention. She even dresses the part as she wears a lot of "bling." Her boy friend just sets back and watches and shakes his head. My friend is like myself an only child and when you are an only child you usually are the center of attention and some never outgrow the need. I can still turn on my center of attention personality and I have on occasion, but never in a dating situation.

11/19/2012 new

lol! laughing

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