Praying for you, Carla...especially as the Christmas season approaches. Peace to you ...
Carla, I'm keeping you in my prayers because God does not give us more than we can handle but it does not feel like that is true AND He intends for us to seek out support in other people. Don't limit yourself to seeking help on this website, as noble and helpful as it is - be open to all types of help and the help that comes from being present to others. A burden as great as you have now should not be taken lightly. Even though loneliness is a form of suffering, as Mother Teresa said it is the greatest trial of the developed countries - loneliness is, I think, intended for us to rely on Him directly through prayer but also communally in groups of people praying together or in sharing their burdens with each other.
Recently, I was told by my 89 year old mother, words to the effect that she thought she had breast cancer and would I take her to the doctor's that morning. I did and we found out that she had kept the tumor a secret from everyone for at least 6 months - of course in my struggle to understand I reminded my mother, who has been a spiritual leader for many in her life, that even Jesus invited and accepted help during His passion in the form of an unwilling (at first) man - Simon of Cyrene.
I hope this helps. Let me know if it does not help - and be open for help in whatever form you decide that you need.