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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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11/20/2012 new

(Quote) Cindy-534370 said: (Quote) Marian-83994 said: (Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do...
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said:
Quote:
Marian-83994 said:

Quote:
John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?



I would suggest you go on a run or a workout before the date or a day before to make it so you are thinking clearly and not as scared. You will be calmer if you work out.

Women are not critical of shy men. We want you to succeed. You have to know this. You have to believe this. I have dated many shy men and would have married them if the relationship could have continued. I have had crushes on shy men. You are FINE. Being self critical is not going to help you inside yourself. I again will suggest counseling to help you work on that. Shyness is an endearing trait. Never mind being shy.

You need to jump in!

I know a couple of shy men who I think are great men and who would be great to be married to. Things just got in our way.




My dearest Marian,

Now for me if I went running or working out before a date,I'd be exhausted and would have to go to bed and cancel the date.
--hide--


I know but he is young and I am hoping he will get tried to just the right level......... hahahahahahhahahaha
I have worked out before dates and I was ok.

11/20/2012 new

Hmmm. wink I have always and forever had a problem with being shy. Lots of people around me don't seem to know this, because, now, I force myself out of my little turtle shell and may not SEEM shy.

scratchchin One of the things that always helps me when I am having a burst of the shy/awkward moments is to have questions to ask the other person. I find that if you give 'em a little gas with a few questions about some major topic, that car will keep on going - they talk a lot - so you have a few minutes to take a breather and listen, then you just find another question based on what they've said and ask it, and the car goes further (they talk more).

Talk about awkward - I am very clutzy when I get nervous. shhh It can be REALLY bad. I have actually run into a few doors. I have also been on a date, walking on a sidewalk, chatting, and run into a pole (it was actually a light post). The bad news when major gaffs occur is that it is embarrassing. The good news is that it actually "breaks the ice" a little - O.K., who am I kidding - a lot, and you wind up having a decent conversation and not worrying so much about how you are presenting yourself. Plus, often, the other person gets you a bag of ice. heart heart That gives them the opportunity to show he or she cares. lovestruck! Let's face it: once you have run into a pole while walking, you've about hit the rock bottom of awkward, and you loosen up a little.

I'm not helping much, am I? wave I just read back over this and it sounds like I am telling you to run into a pole. I'll stop while I'm ahead. wave

11/20/2012 new
(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Hmmm. I have always and forever had a problem with being shy. Lots of people around me don't seem to know...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Hmmm. I have always and forever had a problem with being shy. Lots of people around me don't seem to know this, because, now, I force myself out of my little turtle shell and may not SEEM shy.

One of the things that always helps me when I am having a burst of the shy/awkward moments is to have questions to ask the other person. I find that if you give 'em a little gas with a few questions about some major topic, that car will keep on going - they talk a lot - so you have a few minutes to take a breather and listen, then you just find another question based on what they've said and ask it, and the car goes further (they talk more).

Talk about awkward - I am very clutzy when I get nervous. It can be REALLY bad. I have actually run into a few doors. I have also been on a date, walking on a sidewalk, chatting, and run into a pole (it was actually a light post). The bad news when major gaffs occur is that it is embarrassing. The good news is that it actually "breaks the ice" a little - O.K., who am I kidding - a lot, and you wind up having a decent conversation and not worrying so much about how you are presenting yourself. Plus, often, the other person gets you a bag of ice. That gives them the opportunity to show he or she cares. Let's face it: once you have run into a pole while walking, you've about hit the rock bottom of awkward, and you loosen up a little.

I'm not helping much, am I? I just read back over this and it sounds like I am telling you to run into a pole. I'll stop while I'm ahead.

--hide--


OK Celia you get an A+ for this one! laughing Futhermore, the guy you were on the date with should of been walking on the other side of you, that way you wouldn't of walked into the light post. The man walks on the side where the road is, to protect you. That is common rule. biggrin
11/20/2012 new
One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My livelihood is doing things that are rather brainy, so sometimes I struggle for "normal" things to talk about.

I've marched to my own drummer since childhood.
11/21/2012 new

(Quote) Cindy-534370 said: OK Celia you get an A+ for this one! Futhermore, the guy you were on the date with should of bee...
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said:

OK Celia you get an A+ for this one! Futhermore, the guy you were on the date with should of been walking on the other side of you, that way you wouldn't of walked into the light post. The man walks on the side where the road is, to protect you. That is common rule.
--hide--



Then, he might've walked into the pole and I would have felt terrible! wave

11/21/2012 new
(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My...
(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My livelihood is doing things that are rather brainy, so sometimes I struggle for "normal" things to talk about.



I've marched to my own drummer since childhood.
--hide--


John, I most definitely understand what you are explaining, I am not very good at giving advice, or I should say I tend not to, but I think it's because you haven't met your match yet, and when you it will make a world of difference, you will not be shy or awkard. Look for one with many of your interest, that is what the profiles are for. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door will open. biggrin
11/21/2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: Then, he might've walked into the pole and I would have felt terrible!
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:




Then, he might've walked into the pole and I would have felt terrible!

--hide--


Poles aren't so bad.. I've walked into doors ..ouch : laughing

11/21/2012 new
(Quote) Celia-821539 said: (Quote) Cindy-534370 said: OK Celia you get an A+ for this one! Futhermore, the guy you...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:

Quote:
Cindy-534370 said:

OK Celia you get an A+ for this one! Futhermore, the guy you were on the date with should of been walking on the other side of you, that way you wouldn't of walked into the light post. The man walks on the side where the road is, to protect you. That is common rule.




Then, he might've walked into the pole and I would have felt terrible!

--hide--


Well that is his problem,it is his part to play on the date. laughing biggrin
11/21/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't th...
(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My livelihood is doing things that are rather brainy, so sometimes I struggle for "normal" things to talk about.

I've marched to my own drummer since childhood.
--hide--


You need to meet a woman who is intelligent. Someone who asks you intelligent questions will listen to the answers and will engage you on the level where you are. Good point that you have brought up! You can't be forced to be someone else. Is there noone in your field who isCatholic or on your level? I think if you look in the right places you will find someone. This dilemma of yours needs to be taken into account!!
This needs to be addressed in the types of women you date...

11/21/2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't th...
(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My livelihood is doing things that are rather brainy, so sometimes I struggle for "normal" things to talk about.

I've marched to my own drummer since childhood.
--hide--



I dealt with the intellectual "issue" from high school on... from the time I realized that, "Yes, you DO look awkward carrying that violin case." I probably didn't ever look as awkward as I imagined, but I felt like it. O.K., I did get teased....


I have also felt that way in conversation. I just had to learn to lighten up just a bit. And, I have definitely had to learn when I am flying on a different airline than the other person, and adjust the manner in which I am speaking as well as some of the vocabulary. It used to be a never ending problem. Then, I learned that people responded better to the "silly girl" thing, so I swung to the opposite end of the pendulum.


Now, I am back towards the "just being me" area...I have decided that if a person does not like me for me, they need to look elsehwere. biggrin

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