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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without soun...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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Your not alone in that dept at least. I have those same fears on a daily basis.

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Daniele-678076 said: Poles aren't so bad.. I've walked into doors ..ouch :
(Quote) Daniele-678076 said:


Poles aren't so bad.. I've walked into doors ..ouch :

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scratchchin I have a distinct issue with doors of the sliding glass variety. It is a rare occasion to find me actually *looking* where I am going. fluffy

Nov 21st 2012 new
I haven't met a woman who fit that bill since I broke up with my last girlfriend a few years back. Although I did meet one woman who came close about a year and a half ago, but I was out of work at that point.

It went nowhere because I was a bit of a sad sack at the time. Things have turned around since then.
Nov 21st 2012 new
I haven't met a woman who fit that bill since I broke up with my last girlfriend a few years back. Although I did meet one woman who came close about a year and a half ago, but I was out of work at that point.

It went nowhere because I was a bit of a sad sack at the time. Things have turned around since then.
Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't th...
(Quote) John-220051 said: One of the things I struggle with is that I'm an intellectual. Most of the women I meet aren't that way. My livelihood is doing things that are rather brainy, so sometimes I struggle for "normal" things to talk about.

I've marched to my own drummer since childhood.
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And why should you have to march to the beat of a different drum now? I think if your'e in your element where your comfortable discussing brainy /intellectual issues then your match should have similar interests and you shouldn't settle or change who you are. To each his own and to thy own self be true. However, I've been told that making small talk or chit chat is an art that is developed with practise, the key is to listen 80% and talk 20%. You can probably start with things like the weather, ask questions about your date's family/childhood, move on to current affairs, what's happening in the news or sports, hobbies, religion, fashion, even talk about your job. You can also try to balance the "heavy" talk with some light conversation such as favorite superhero or sesame street character. I think its also a good idea to tell stories to illustrate a point. You probably may have to do some prep work, but try to have some fun as well.

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Cindy-534370 said: My dearest Marian, Now for me if I went running or working out before a date,I'd be ...
(Quote) Cindy-534370 said:

My dearest Marian,

Now for me if I went running or working out before a date,I'd be exhausted and would have to go to bed and cancel the date.
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laughing laughing

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Celia-821539 said: I have a distinct issue with doors of the sliding glass variety. It is a rare occasion t...
(Quote) Celia-821539 said:



I have a distinct issue with doors of the sliding glass variety. It is a rare occasion to find me actually *looking* where I am going.

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Same here laughing wearing specs doesn't seem to help.. so much for corrective vision wave

Nov 21st 2012 new

I actually posted this in a different thread a few minutes ago, but it seems applicable here, so I copied and pasted my response from there:

When I was growing up I was incredibly shy. In kindergarden I would not even talk to the other kids when they tried to be friends with me because of shyness. It gradually got better as I grew up, but I was always shy and social interactions with people outside of my family was difficult. My parents were also extremely shy. By the time I reached junior high school I noticed that they would turn down social activities because it might be awkward or they might not know what to say. I decided that I didn't want that to happen to me, so I started deliberately placing myself in situations where I would be in front of people or where I would have to talk to people and I would sometimes have to be the person who initiated the conversation. I became one of the first female altar servers at my church. I joined the choir. I felt reasonably confident in my reading skills, so I became a lector. At my high school graduation I auditioned for the chance to give the Baccalaureate speech. I was chosen over many people who had been in speech and debate clubs. When I graduated from high school I taught CCD and also worked with the youth group. It did give me a certain amount of ease around people.


Gradually I learned to be more confident, until I started dating. It took me a long time to learn to overcome my shyness in this area, and some of the poor men who dated me in the beginning had to carry most of the conversation. I knew this wasn't working, so I started assuming that the person I was dating was also probably very nervous and concerned about how the date would turn out. I found ways to take some responsibility for the outcome and to put them at ease, and that included thinking in advance about some conversation topics that might be of interest to them in the event the conversation lagged a bit. By taking the focus off myself I found myself to be much more confident. There are days this is still hard for me, but I have some practice behind me so it's a lot easier and more successful than it used to be.


I started out as an introvert, and I am still an introvert, but I have learned to look like an extrovert. For all intents and purposes, if I find myself in this type of conversation with some of the newer staff at work, they are shocked to learn this about me because I am very outgoing and friendly. Likewise, after I have dated someone awhile they are usually quite surprised to learn about how shy I was and how hard I worked to overcome that. Nobody can tell what a struggle this used to be for me, so I would say it's been successful. There are still situations when I feel shy, I just don't let that dictate my actions anymore.


There are only a couple of responses so far, it's a new thread, but I'm providing the link here as there may be different responses there over time that would be of interest to you: www.catholicmatch.com



Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: get her to talk
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

get her to talk

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This is one of the most important things a person should understand. The majority of people on this Earth love talking about themselves. You just have to go fishing at first. A person will give a longer response to a question about a topic that one is interested in. If someone you are talking to is giving short answers to questions, obviously they are not interested in discussing this topic (Not necessarily you, so don't get discouraged.) If you catch this person hook, line, and sinker, and have them interested in the question you have asked, follow up on their responses. The interrogatives who, what, where, how, and why can get you 30 minutes to an hour of conversation if you structure them accordingly and this person will be doing all of the talking.


Asking them questions and recieving both positive and negative responses will help you evaluate these people as time spent with them goes on. As you get more comfortable with this, you will be less shy and awkward.

Nov 21st 2012 new

In addition to what others have written, I would add the following:

We all need to think about the impact of our words on others. If you say something to someone, think about how you would respond if someone said that to you. I am not saying that everyone is rude or inconsiderate, but we all have moments where something we say can be interpreted as being uncharitable or that put barriers in the path of a relationship.

So, person #1 asks person #2 if they play a musical instrument. Person #2 says they play the piano and they've been playing it since they were 8 years old. So, person#1 says that person #2 couldn't possibly play the piano as well as they do because they've been playing since they were 6 years old. And the conversation dies. weeping What a wonderful opportunity to discuss a common interest and build a friendship but something got in the way. surprised sorry irked

If you really don't know what to say to someone, think about saying something neutral and polite to break the ice. Conversation is not a debating club where you have to vanquish the other party in a battle of wits, evidence and arguments. Talk about the weather, ask them about the book they are reading, ask them about the vacation they mentioned they were going on, and so on. Needless to say, asking someone about their bank account password is also inappropriate. laughing Think about how you would feel if someone said to you what you are planning to say to someone else. If it would make you feel uncomfortable, ill at ease, grossed out, hurt or wounded, then don't say it. Find something to say that creates comfort with the conversation that you would like to have.

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