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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 22nd 2012 new

Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are lasting impressions.

Nov 22nd 2012 new
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding borin...
(Quote) John-220051 said: What tips do you have for people who are shy and awkward with the opposite sex about talking without sounding boring or too intense?
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Happy Thanksgiving! In general people like to talk about themselves, so if you ask a couple of questions and be good listener then that person will think you are a great guy. A good listener is hard to find sometimes. People have so many interesting stories it is hard to find a good listener plus it gives you more time to relax around a new person and learn more about them. Have a blessed Thanksgiving weekend. In Christ. Joy :)
Nov 22nd 2012 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are las...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are lasting impressions.

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So true!

Nov 22nd 2012 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are las...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are lasting impressions.

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Thinking that first impressions are lasting impressions is focusing on how you could fail and is making it harder. If you focus on some other interest, and share that even in small talk, it could make it easier... Thanks for sharing this dilemma with us. Talking about something else nearby like " Wow look at all of the bees on that tree!" would make it a lot easier..

Nov 22nd 2012 new

(Quote) Carl-98335 said: Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are las...
(Quote) Carl-98335 said:

Yes. That and a desire to say and do everything right from the beginning. First impressions are lasting impressions.

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Carl.....wow, would you look at all those bees on that tree! Battling eyelashes

laughing duck

Nov 25th 2012 new

[quote]Ray-566531 said:

Another thought, John -- if you can arrange to go out in a small group, the conversations will be divided amongst you, taking off some of the pressure you feel. This may help in your situation. At least it can't hurt.

John, I agree with Ray. This does tend to take the pressure off a bit. It also helps to take someone along who knows you well and accepts you for who you are. I'm sometimes shy and awkward myself and have made it known to my date--seasoned with a sense of humor (helps to break up the tension). I'm an introverted man, but have many intersests. Sooner or later, the conversation will gravitate to one of them and it helps to loosen me up a bit. Shyness could be an asset as well. She will definately not interpret you as a player. Some women actually find shyness comforting...

Nov 25th 2012 new

I was very shy when I was young (I remember when I would not talk to my kindergarten teacher!), and my dad just kept pushing me out there to do little things that required speaking to strangers. For example, if a situation arose when I would have to ask something of a stranger Dad would say, "What's the worst that could happen? They could say no, and you'd be in the same position you're in now." I hated it at the time, but it did add a little needed perspective.


I think when we start imagining all the horrific things that could go wrong we fail to really put them in perspective. Chances are, you won't die from putting yourself out there. wink (I jokingly have my students take their pulse after completing their first oral presentation in class... just to make sure public speaking didn't kill anyone... We have a 0% fatality rate.) What's the worst that could really happen? You say something dumb or awkward, it doesn't work out, and you're in the same boat you're in right now. And maybe after that you come away with some ideas for something you might try differently next time, or at least you have a funny story about this one time that you went on a disasterous date.


I think we really have to quit focusing on what the other person thinks of us, be our natural selves, and focus on finding out about the other person. Easier said than done, I know, but it helps me to remind myself that sometimes shyness is the result of self-centered thinking: I am thinking too much about appearing how I want to appear and wondering too much about how I appear to others. (And it's impolite to be too nosy- someone else's opinion of me is really none of my business!)


Take the focus off of yourself and put the focus on the other person. So many things in life improve when we are other-centered. cool As people here have said, ask questions, and then ask follow-up questions. The most interesting people are the most interested people.

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