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This room is for supportive and informative discussion about divorce and/or the annulment process. All posters must have been previously divorced or annulled.

Saint Eugene De Mazenod is patron of dysfunctional families & Saint Fabiola obtained a divorce from her first husband prior to devoting her life to charitable works.
Learn More: Saint Eugene De Mazenod and Saint Fabiola

Holidays with x-blech!

Nov 21st 2012 new

Ok, so this time I checked to make sure this wasn't already up! scratchchin

So my ex will be around us all weekend starting tonight and I've already started praying. I don't hate him, but every time I see him I'm reminded of all the bad things that led to our divorce. I still have a long way to go in the love your fellow man department. Iit's bad enough that I'm alone, but sharing the "emotional" space sometimes feels like too much. Don't get me wrong, I put on a great show, but not looking forward to it AT ALL!!!

Can I get an Amen or at least so words of comfort? weeping

Nov 21st 2012 new
Amen.

When I separated from my husband, I lived with my mother. She INSISTED that he attend all holiday events so that our son could see his dad too--never mind that I was not invited to my husband's family events. During the event, I grinned and bore it. But I harbored a lot of hurt and resentment inside. Luckily, I got heavily involved in Beginning Experience, a ministry which helps those grieving the death of a marriage. Through its methods, I was able to do a lot of forgiving & what-not to be able to at least blank my emotions regarding him, and sometimes achieve a feeling of christian charity toward him. We've been apart 14yrs now, but still need to work with each other wherever our son is concerned. For me, it's worked to focus on a higher plane, spirituality, rather than the lower plane of emotions. That doesn't mean that I'm saintly regarding him, but striving for the higher spiritual goodness gets me closer to peace and God than I would staying "human"--if you can understand what I mean.

hug
Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Amen. When I separated from my husband, I lived with my mother. She INSISTED that he attend all h...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said: Amen.

When I separated from my husband, I lived with my mother. She INSISTED that he attend all holiday events so that our son could see his dad too--never mind that I was not invited to my husband's family events. During the event, I grinned and bore it. But I harbored a lot of hurt and resentment inside. Luckily, I got heavily involved in Beginning Experience, a ministry which helps those grieving the death of a marriage. Through its methods, I was able to do a lot of forgiving & what-not to be able to at least blank my emotions regarding him, and sometimes achieve a feeling of christian charity toward him. We've been apart 14yrs now, but still need to work with each other wherever our son is concerned. For me, it's worked to focus on a higher plane, spirituality, rather than the lower plane of emotions. That doesn't mean that I'm saintly regarding him, but striving for the higher spiritual goodness gets me closer to peace and God than I would staying "human"--if you can understand what I mean.

--hide--

Oh dear Lord, if that happened to me I wouldn't know what to do. My family talks to him but greatly disapproves of his presence. Unfortunately, he is a fantastic cook so they usually forgive him at dinner. laughing

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Carmen-910629 said: Ok, so this time I checked to make sure this wasn't already up! So my ex will be arou...
(Quote) Carmen-910629 said:

Ok, so this time I checked to make sure this wasn't already up!

So my ex will be around us all weekend starting tonight and I've already started praying. I don't hate him, but every time I see him I'm reminded of all the bad things that led to our divorce. I still have a long way to go in the love your fellow man department. Iit's bad enough that I'm alone, but sharing the "emotional" space sometimes feels like too much. Don't get me wrong, I put on a great show, but not looking forward to it AT ALL!!!

Can I get an Amen or at least so words of comfort?

--hide--


Carmen hug it takes a lot of effort and energy to put on a "great show". If it's something you have to do, then vent here and know you are in good company.

Cat

Nov 21st 2012 new

(Quote) Cat-163322 said: Carmen it takes a lot of effort and energy to put on a "great show". If it's ...
(Quote) Cat-163322 said:



Carmen it takes a lot of effort and energy to put on a "great show". If it's something you have to do, then vent here and know you are in good company.

Cat

--hide--

Be careful what you say...only 4 days left lol

Nov 26th 2012 new

Dear Carmen and all,

I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to read your message before Thanksgiving, but I hope it all went as well as could be expected.

Situations like yours are extremely challenging. I've lived through them, myself. As the holiday gatherings continue and you have to face him yet again, I encourage you to offer up your sufferings for the salvation of souls. If you already know how to "put on a great show", then all the better and all the more valuable when you offer it up.

I know this season makes you want to just climb under a rock and hide until January, but since you can't, keep up your positive display. Just combine it with love for souls, and you are creating a heavenly treasure for yourself. And, as Cat said, don't forget that we're all here for you when you need to vent :)

Sincerely,

Lisa Duffy

Nov 26th 2012 new

I have only had to deal with this once, but it was like pulling teeth for everyone involved. I have gracefully backed out of other situations since. As a single parent whose father was NEVER a part of my daughter's life, as a child of a single mom whose father was absentee for close to 15 years...trade ya!

All kidding aside, it is not an easy situation. I can tell you where I am at though. My parents both gave me a great gift in not disparaging the other, ever in my presence. They never played tug of war, jealous nastiness, none of it - they just loved me. I appreciate that beyond all words, especially when I hear of how other children are yanked around so much. Insofar as my daughter's father is concerned, two parts: first, I will never understand how anyone could deliberately hurt a child in any fashion - his being neglect. While I can not forget, I have forgiven. It has been his loss. The second piece is that the only thoughts or feelings I have for him are gratitude for the amazing gift that my daughter has been. It took a LOT of years, but I finally got there.

I wish those blessings for you, AND for your children. Until then, I will pray for God's grace for you as you journey there. heart

Nov 26th 2012 new

I have not always gotten along with my two ex husbands, but to their face, in a family setting, I smile and make nice.. The children are so much better off for it. Now that my kids are grown they appreciate it. My DIL Angie's divorced parents don't get along at all even though their two kids are grown.. My son tells her "I'm SO glad my parents act like grownups." I really appreciated him saying that, because his dad left us for another woman and it was tough to keep my mouth shut sometimes.

Nov 26th 2012 new

Your kids are very blessed Donna! When I hear stories of other people's parents, I never cease to marvel that my parents' love for me outweighed anything between them. I swore I would give my own the same gift.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Lisa-727959 said: Dear Carmen and all, I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to read your message before ...
(Quote) Lisa-727959 said:

Dear Carmen and all,

I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to read your message before Thanksgiving, but I hope it all went as well as could be expected.

Situations like yours are extremely challenging. I've lived through them, myself. As the holiday gatherings continue and you have to face him yet again, I encourage you to offer up your sufferings for the salvation of souls. If you already know how to "put on a great show", then all the better and all the more valuable when you offer it up.

I know this season makes you want to just climb under a rock and hide until January, but since you can't, keep up your positive display. Just combine it with love for souls, and you are creating a heavenly treasure for yourself. And, as Cat said, don't forget that we're all here for you when you need to vent :)

Sincerely,

Lisa Duffy

--hide--

Thank you Lisa, I did offer up a few things, but thankfully, it went much better than planned and I am so grateful to God for that!

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