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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Sharon-885911 said: Communication is a key element in any successful relationship or marriage. You should be able to...
(Quote) Sharon-885911 said:

Communication is a key element in any successful relationship or marriage. You should be able to state your opinion in a tasteful manor and not demanding. If something is really bothering you and you don't express yourself a moehill can turn into a mountain. Your significant other can not always read your mind.

When John and I were married when he came home from work we would set at our kitchen table and just talk for at least an hour. Then I would either start or finish dinner. He never liked to eat as soon as he came home anyway. That changed after he became ill, because he was home all of the time.

I think the reason a lot of marriages fail is that they don't make quality time for each other. Maybe it was easier for me, because I didn't go back to work after I had children. I have all the respect in the world for working moms, because I don't know how they do it.

I remember my former mother-in-law telling me it is not important that the bed are made and the dishes are done it is how you spend your time with your family.

--hide--
Sharon,

I liked your reminder that:

If something is really bothering you and you don't express yourself a moehill can turn into a mountain. Your significant other can not always read your mind.

Also this thanks for the other points you made.

John

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, Yes, I did notice you are a therapist of type...almost reminding me of my fav D...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

Yes, I did notice you are a therapist of type...almost reminding me of my fav Dr. Phil in that he phrases what you have said so you actually feel like he hears the spoken word. Very effective by the way. Yes, you do give a provocative interpretation that makes the reader want to respond. What is your occupation anyway? Just curious butyou can plead the fifth!

I do feel that you have opened the door to questions I had not thought of as well as the dialog from other writers has been eye opening.
The just of the topic I feel is, do you feel safe (and I mean really secure with your partner) enough to let your guard down, be your true
self, TRUST that your partner will accept and love you IN SPITE of your obvious shortcomings. Both sexes have insecurities.

Of course, I can only speak for myself. The love that I feel for my sisters and brother, the love for my children seems neverending. I have
not found that to be true in a relationship with a man. That relationship seems more fragile for some reason, more susceptable to cracks
and dings and chips, more difficult to weather the blistering heat or extreme cold, the hurricanes and tornados (I guess I mean outside
forces now that I think about it). I have more contemplation to do.

I think it is getting a little chili and we may needs a little spicy pepper, maybe some cornbread to brew over the problems of the world!
It is a pleasure speaking with you John.

Eileen

--hide--

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, Yes, I did notice you are a therapist of type...almost reminding me of my fav D...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

Yes, I did notice you are a therapist of type...almost reminding me of my fav Dr. Phil in that he phrases what you have said so you actually feel like he hears the spoken word. Very effective by the way. Yes, you do give a provocative interpretation that makes the reader want to respond. What is your occupation anyway? Just curious butyou can plead the fifth!

I do feel that you have opened the door to questions I had not thought of as well as the dialog from other writers has been eye opening.
The just of the topic I feel is, do you feel safe (and I mean really secure with your partner) enough to let your guard down, be your true
self, TRUST that your partner will accept and love you IN SPITE of your obvious shortcomings. Both sexes have insecurities.

Of course, I can only speak for myself. The love that I feel for my sisters and brother, the love for my children seems neverending. I have
not found that to be true in a relationship with a man. That relationship seems more fragile for some reason, more susceptable to cracks
and dings and chips, more difficult to weather the blistering heat or extreme cold, the hurricanes and tornados (I guess I mean outside
forces now that I think about it). I have more contemplation to do.

I think it is getting a little chili and we may needs a little spicy pepper, maybe some cornbread to brew over the problems of the world!
It is a pleasure speaking with you John.

Eileen

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

I see that you're still not offering me any of your thyme. Oh, well, I'll make do with plain, old salt or maybe just turn to the Spice Girls. eyebrow

Thanks for letting me know that sometimes one of my posts or the replies by others do something for you, are "eye opening" as you say. That's at least part way as nice as spice. smile

It's impossible to write a completely original topic, but I try to come from a new (or not frequently seen) angle and that different angle may just be the right one for this or that person to get a new insight about something important.

I have had a lot of occupations in my life from working in the Steel Workers union to being the computer lab instructor, which is actually an administrative rather than a teaching job, in a college computer laboratory. My educational concentration was in math and computer science. I have no significant educational or occupational background in any field related to psychology. I now work for myself selling Internet service.

Your remarks about the differing kinds of love were interesting. Maybe part of it is that you come to know you siblings and children in a very gradual way, whereas with a man you marry, there is a starting point in the relationship that is rather abrupt. Another aspect might be the deliberately willed consent to marry and to be under a mutual lifelong obligation to each other, a kind of duty that is different from that owed to siblings and children. Also maybe the particular men were just not socially mature although attractive in some other ways.

The other woman (come to think about, it those three words put together like that don't sound very good do they embarassed ) who, as I remember, made the strongest comment that something I wrote really resonated with her was also from the volunteer state. That topic was about how it was hard for men to show the softer emotions without thinking that they appeared weak. Maybe I should resurrect that one as it was four or five years ago.

Thanks for letting me know that that you enjoyed communicating. I like it also. With all that spice I hope you find someone with whom to splice soon as one plus one can be twice as nice. thumbsup

John

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-655299 said: Well John....nobody wants to be around a downer now do they......expression of emotions is goo...
(Quote) Michelle-655299 said:

Well John....nobody wants to be around a downer now do they......expression of emotions is good in the right setting and at the right time...but chronic mood swings makes a relationship painful....

--hide--
Hi Michelle,

Thanks taking the opportunity to have your say here.

I agree that "nobody wants to be around a downer", but a person who expresses his unpleasant emotions when he feels them in situations where it is reasonable to express them is in the long run a better person to be around in comparison to someone who holds his feelings and thoughts inside. It is this second kind of person who will more often be the downer. eyepopping

Chronic moods swings is not something I had in mind when I wrote this topic, but dealing with that variety of psychological disturbance might make a good topic.

Wondering why moods like to swing, scratchchin

John

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Eileen,I see that you're still not offering me any of your thyme. Oh, well, I'l...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Eileen,

I see that you're still not offering me any of your thyme. Oh, well, I'll make do with plain, old salt or maybe just turn to the Spice Girls.

Thanks for letting me know that sometimes one of my posts or the replies by others do something for you, are "eye opening" as you say. That's at least part way as nice as spice.

It's impossible to write a completely original topic, but I try to come from a new (or not frequently seen) angle and that different angle may just be the right one for this or that person to get a new insight about something important.

I have had a lot of occupations in my life from working in the Steel Workers union to being the computer lab instructor, which is actually an administrative rather than a teaching job, in a college computer laboratory. My educational concentration was in math and computer science. I have no significant educational or occupational background in any field related to psychology. I now work for myself selling Internet service.

Your remarks about the differing kinds of love were interesting. Maybe part of it is that you come to know you siblings and children in a very gradual way, whereas with a man you marry, there is a starting point in the relationship that is rather abrupt. Another aspect might be the deliberately willed consent to marry and to be under a mutual lifelong obligation to each other, a kind of duty that is different from that owed to siblings and children. Also maybe the particular men were just not socially mature although attractive in some other ways.

The other woman (come to think about, it those three words put together like that don't sound very good do they ) who, as I remember, made the strongest comment that something I wrote really resonated with her was also from the volunteer state. That topic was about how it was hard for men to show the softer emotions without thinking that they appeared weak. Maybe I should resurrect that one as it was four or five years ago.

Thanks for letting me know that that you enjoyed communicating. I like it also. With all that spice I hope you find someone with whom to splice soon as one plus one can be twice as nice.

John

--hide--
Hi John,

I have never used that spice thyme and am wondering what it tastes like. I might have to investigate.

I would never have guessed your occupations but I can see you are a people person and have probably been an observer
in human behavior which gives you insight along with having been around for a little while! No insult intended believe me.
Experience is the teacher....if only I could get my kids to listen.

I am addressing your take on different types of love and you are probably right about the type of men in my life. I think
when your perception of yourself in your head is affected by your enviornment, it affects your outcome. That being said,
I am in the process of a makeover LOL.

I would be interested in the other woman's reply to your "old thread".

Keep it up John, you are doing great things.

Eileen

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, I have never used that spice thyme and am wondering what it tastes like. I migh...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

I have never used that spice thyme and am wondering what it tastes like. I might have to investigate.

I would never have guessed your occupations but I can see you are a people person and have probably been an observer
in human behavior which gives you insight along with having been around for a little while! No insult intended believe me.
Experience is the teacher....if only I could get my kids to listen.

I am addressing your take on different types of love and you are probably right about the type of men in my life. I think
when your perception of yourself in your head is affected by your enviornment, it affects your outcome. That being said,
I am in the process of a makeover LOL.

I would be interested in the other woman's reply to your "old thread".

Keep it up John, you are doing great things.

Eileen

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

All I can say is that if you have not tried that spice, it's about thyme! Actually you probably want to see what the Internet has to say about it such as this, homecooking.about.com , or maybe buy a tiny bit at a spice shop and try a dash of it in your own bowl of soup.

One thing that I have heard is that some woman keep returning to the same type of man even though they have had only bad experiences with that type in the past. I think that is because of the factor you mentioned, environment in earlier years.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Promising never to be two-thymer, eyebrow

John

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Eileen, All I can say is that if you have not tried that spice, it's about thyme! Ac...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Eileen,

All I can say is that if you have not tried that spice, it's about thyme! Actually you probably want to see what the Internet has to say about it such as this, homecooking.about.com , or maybe buy a tiny bit at a spice shop and try a dash of it in your own bowl of soup.

One thing that I have heard is that some woman keep returning to the same type of man even though they have had only bad experiences with that type in the past. I think that is because of the factor you mentioned, environment in earlier years.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Promising never to be two-thymer,

John

--hide--
Hi John,

You seem to have thyme on your hands and on your mind. Okay already, I will look it up. I wonder if there is any medicinal
advantages to using this spice or is it all just flavor? I don't like VERY spicy or too flavorful additives as I like to taste of food
just barely enhanced not overpowered. You might think I am a chef with that statement but not so.

I am trying to stay away from the angry self important men of the past. I am just looking for someone I can feel at ease with,
by my crazy self, enjoy feeling safe. I want to feel as though I can trust my instincts and not always second guess myself
where men are concerned. Insecurity can be a chronic illness but I am going to lick it!

Eileen

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, You seem to have thyme on your hands and on your mind. Okay already, I will loo...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

You seem to have thyme on your hands and on your mind. Okay already, I will look it up. I wonder if there is any medicinal
advantages to using this spice or is it all just flavor? I don't like VERY spicy or too flavorful additives as I like to taste of food
just barely enhanced not overpowered. You might think I am a chef with that statement but not so.

I am trying to stay away from the angry self important men of the past. I am just looking for someone I can feel at ease with,
by my crazy self, enjoy feeling safe. I want to feel as though I can trust my instincts and not always second guess myself
where men are concerned. Insecurity can be a chronic illness but I am going to lick it!

Eileen

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

Sorry for introducing the hand of thyme to this discussion, which was supposed to be about, "expressing unpleasant emotions & the longevity of relationships". I hope that this offense is not so severe that I end up serving thyme for it. eyepopping Come to think of it though, longevity has a relationship to thyme and so I guess I'm not completely off the mark. cool

In response to your wondering whether thymes has any medicinal properties, here's one of many related pages from a Google search: www.offthegridnews.com I think though that almost every spice and herb has one or more claimed medicinal powers.

When I wrote this topic what I had in mind included what was expressed in your words, I am just looking for someone I can feel at ease with. If, well before you get close to any more permanent relationship such as an engagement, you have already expressed a lot of your honestly felt unpleasant feelings when situations have stirred such emotions in you and if the man has not responded with any ridicule or hints of rage, you will then have the inner peace and relaxedness needed to express your friendly and romantic feelings also because you never have to walk on eggshells.

Returning to singing, "Thyme After Thyme", wave

John

Nov 27th 2012 new

Chronic moods swings is not something I had in mind when I wrote this topic, but dealing with that variety of psychological disturbance might make a good topic.

John, chronic mood swing can be helped through therapy or medically assisted methods....there are also other types of self help programs as well.....

I will tell you a little story. I once had a student 10 years ago who came in the classroom and was screaming, yelling, throwing chairs and tables and went into the corner and deficated there. The nurse told me that she had not taken her medication yet. She then went to the nurse and took her medication. I was reading with some other students at the table. She came over and said to me after coming back from the nurses office, "Please excuse my behavior, it was not appropriate, I am truely sorry. I want to learn." After this happened to me in the classroom, I knew that there were absolutely methods that work to help chronic mood swings.

I hope this helps any of your questions.....Yes, true it is good to express emotion, but there are appropriate ways of expressing them and there are also appropriate methods to convey them.

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Michelle-655299 said: Chronic moods swings is not something I had in mind when I wrote this topic, but deal...
(Quote) Michelle-655299 said:

Chronic moods swings is not something I had in mind when I wrote this topic, but dealing with that variety of psychological disturbance might make a good topic.

John, chronic mood swing can be helped through therapy or medically assisted methods....there are also other types of self help programs as well.....

I will tell you a little story. I once had a student 10 years ago who came in the classroom and was screaming, yelling, throwing chairs and tables and went into the corner and deficated there. The nurse told me that she had not taken her medication yet. She then went to the nurse and took her medication. I was reading with some other students at the table. She came over and said to me after coming back from the nurses office, "Please excuse my behavior, it was not appropriate, I am truely sorry. I want to learn." After this happened to me in the classroom, I knew that there were absolutely methods that work to help chronic mood swings.

I hope this helps any of your questions.....Yes, true it is good to express emotion, but there are appropriate ways of expressing them and there are also appropriate methods to convey them.

--hide--
And forgiveness when inappropriate methods are used to convey them, intentionally or unintentionally!

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