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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Nov 27th 2012 new

Well said.....


(Quote) Lina-796057 said: And forgiveness when inappropriate methods are used to convey them, intentionally or unintentional...
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

And forgiveness when inappropriate methods are used to convey them, intentionally or unintentionally!

--hide--

Nov 28th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Eileen, Sorry for introducing the hand of thyme to this discussion, which was supposed t...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Eileen,

Sorry for introducing the hand of thyme to this discussion, which was supposed to be about, "expressing unpleasant emotions & the longevity of relationships". I hope that this offense is not so severe that I end up serving thyme for it. Come to think of it though, longevity has a relationship to thyme and so I guess I'm not completely off the mark.

In response to your wondering whether thymes has any medicinal properties, here's one of many related pages from a Google search: www.offthegridnews.com I think though that almost every spice and herb has one or more claimed medicinal powers.

When I wrote this topic what I had in mind included what was expressed in your words, I am just looking for someone I can feel at ease with. If, well before you get close to any more permanent relationship such as an engagement, you have already expressed a lot of your honestly felt unpleasant feelings when situations have stirred such emotions in you and if the man has not responded with any ridicule or hints of rage, you will then have the inner peace and relaxedness needed to express your friendly and romantic feelings also because you never have to walk on eggshells.

Returning to singing, "Thyme After Thyme",

John

--hide--
Hi John,

I looked at that site and thyme does have many uses as remedy and herb. Pretty interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to read my words and hear what I had to say. Yes, unpleasant emotions have a way
of rearing their ugly heads at one time or another and that makes me think of jealousy. I always felt that was
a wasted emotion but I am mulling that over. Maybe I didn't have the emotion in regard to my husband because
!) I trusted him to be faithful or 2)I actually didn't think someone would covet him. Little did I know, one of his
co-workers was laying the ground work to do just that and I was blind. To make a long story short, she has now
married him and has obtained what I refer to as "the boobie prize". I know, not kind but unfortunately my twisted
sense of humor.

I wonder if thyme has a remedy for that.

Eileen

Nov 28th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Hi John, I looked at that site and thyme does have many uses as remedy and herb. Pretty ...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Hi John,

I looked at that site and thyme does have many uses as remedy and herb. Pretty interesting.

Thanks for taking the time to read my words and hear what I had to say. Yes, unpleasant emotions have a way
of rearing their ugly heads at one time or another and that makes me think of jealousy. I always felt that was
a wasted emotion but I am mulling that over. Maybe I didn't have the emotion in regard to my husband because
!) I trusted him to be faithful or 2)I actually didn't think someone would covet him. Little did I know, one of his
co-workers was laying the ground work to do just that and I was blind. To make a long story short, she has now
married him and has obtained what I refer to as "the boobie prize". I know, not kind but unfortunately my twisted
sense of humor.

I wonder if thyme has a remedy for that.

Eileen

--hide--
Hi Eileen,

I enjoy reading your words and listening what you have to say. I like you.

So you caught me up late again just like the good vampire that you suspected. embarassed

As I mentioned almost every herb and spice has some claim to a medical effect. I use dandelion root, echinacea and milk thistle. (That'll start her thinking. mischievous )

I was uneasy to hear that you take prednisone as I know that is usually for serious issues. I hope you are doing well. smile

While there are people who are irrationally jealous without evidence and beyond all reason, I think that a woman has a right to be jealous about her husband.

Sorry about the unfaithfulness that must have left deep scares. I hope that the best is yet to come for you and I'm glad that you are in CM, Eileen.

Thanks for continuing to communicate. wave

John

Nov 28th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Hi Eileen, I enjoy reading your words and listening what you have to say. I like you. <...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Hi Eileen,

I enjoy reading your words and listening what you have to say. I like you.

So you caught me up late again just like the good vampire that you suspected.

As I mentioned almost every herb and spice has some claim to a medical effect. I use dandelion root, echinacea and milk thistle. (That'll start her thinking. )

I was uneasy to hear that you take prednisone as I know that is usually for serious issues. I hope you are doing well.

While there are people who are irrationally jealous without evidence and beyond all reason, I think that a woman has a right to be jealous about her husband.

Sorry about the unfaithfulness that must have left deep scares. I hope that the best is yet to come for you and I'm glad that you are in CM, Eileen.

Thanks for continuing to communicate.

John

--hide--
Dear John (now I will always have to start with that title)

Okay, so you are a nighthawk...some people do resemble birdsbiggrin. As far as that combination of herbs, it sounds very yucky
and I am glad that I am not the one taking that concoction. I cannot even begin to figure out how that is comsumed but I am hoping
the effects are everything you ever dreamed of. LOL.

The only time I ever had a jealous moment was when we were dating and I was going home after work (then I worked 3-11:30) and
saw him in the window of a pizza place in town with a girl "with flowing blonde hair bending over the table wiping sauce from his
face" Even now when I say those words, it brings a smile to my face because we did have quite a few laughs about that through
the years referring to long flowing blonde hair. I was dramatic back then but come to think of it, I may still have that quality. It depends
on the situation. See, there is another unpleasant emotion for your topic.

In reference to the unfaithfulness and leaving deep scares (LOL), yes it does scare me still that I was so unaware of my enviornment
that I was innocent in believing because I wouldn't cheat that he wouldn't as well. And back to the insecurity of relationships. How
can you be sure that person in your life is yours alone without choking the life out of the bank of trust? Again, back to the drama I
love so much. When I was seeing a therapist last year, she said that people come into your life for a season. Some stay for several
seasons and some leave when the snow falls. I liked that comparison. Season vs reason. Okay, maybe thinking a little too much.

Thank you for all your time,

Eileen

Nov 28th 2012 new

...and a lifetime. Some people stay for a lifetime.

Nov 28th 2012 new

(Quote) Lina-796057 said: ...and a lifetime. Some people stay for a lifetime.
(Quote) Lina-796057 said:

...and a lifetime. Some people stay for a lifetime.

--hide--
Lina, I am always grateful for those people. They stand by you through thick and thin, hold your hand
comfort and love you always. Thanks for the reminder that they exist. I am very grateful.

Nov 29th 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Dear John (now I will always have to start with that title)Okay, so you are a nighthawk....
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Dear John (now I will always have to start with that title)

Okay, so you are a nighthawk...some people do resemble birds. As far as that combination of herbs, it sounds very yucky
and I am glad that I am not the one taking that concoction. I cannot even begin to figure out how that is comsumed but I am hoping
the effects are everything you ever dreamed of. LOL.

The only time I ever had a jealous moment was when we were dating and I was going home after work (then I worked 3-11:30) and
saw him in the window of a pizza place in town with a girl "with flowing blonde hair bending over the table wiping sauce from his
face" Even now when I say those words, it brings a smile to my face because we did have quite a few laughs about that through
the years referring to long flowing blonde hair. I was dramatic back then but come to think of it, I may still have that quality. It depends
on the situation. See, there is another unpleasant emotion for your topic.

In reference to the unfaithfulness and leaving deep scares (LOL), yes it does scare me still that I was so unaware of my enviornment
that I was innocent in believing because I wouldn't cheat that he wouldn't as well. And back to the insecurity of relationships. How
can you be sure that person in your life is yours alone without choking the life out of the bank of trust? Again, back to the drama I
love so much. When I was seeing a therapist last year, she said that people come into your life for a season. Some stay for several
seasons and some leave when the snow falls. I liked that comparison. Season vs reason. Okay, maybe thinking a little too much.

Thank you for all your time,

Eileen

--hide--
Dear Eileen,

Thanks for letting me have my herbs. I certainly don't interfere with you and Herb shhh so I appreciate that you have returned the favor and let me have my flavors.

That jealous moment could have been worse if she had been wiping lipstick from his mouth. eyepopping

How to be sure that someone is yours alone in romantic love as it should be in marriage is a question I have never thought about. That will take some thyme - and a dash of lovage too. mischievous

Some people may come into your life only for a short season as the therapist said, but in the case of a spouse, it's until death for at least one of them.

Thanks for spicing my life up with interesting things to ponder. smile

John

Nov 29th 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Dear Eileen, Thanks for letting me have my herbs. I certainly don't interfere with you ...
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Dear Eileen,

Thanks for letting me have my herbs. I certainly don't interfere with you and Herb so I appreciate that you have returned the favor and let me have my flavors.

That jealous moment could have been worse if she had been wiping lipstick from his mouth.

How to be sure that someone is yours alone in romantic love as it should be in marriage is a question I have never thought about. That will take some thyme - and a dash of lovage too.

Some people may come into your life only for a short season as the therapist said, but in the case of a spouse, it's until death for at least one of them.

Thanks for spicing my life up with interesting things to ponder.

John

--hide--
Dear John,

Spicy! Yes, that jealous moment was laughable but your are right, in the dating phase. Again, your insight astounds me. I recently read a book on the five types of love and I would have to hunt that book to find the title but maybe you know it? The author was a psychologist. Anyway,
I thought he had merit when he discussed the types of love but long lasting love was different than new (infatuation or lustful) love but that
the first can morph for lack of a better word, into the next phase. I think it is time, reassurance of the relationship, TRUST (still a biggie), and respect and humor that allows that transformation.

Is it that maybe I don't feel like I deserve long lasting love? That I am insecure about "forever and ever" in my mind and heart or as you say
until death do us part? Those words make a heat rise to my face very similar to the emotion fear. When I said those words, I meant those words. When we had tough times, I said it is you and me and we have to lean on each other. Failure in your own beliefs and capabilities is
mind altering. I thought I could do it, forgive and almost forget (because we all know we cannot forget everything), work at making life better and still not succeeding.

I am a social person, I like to talk and listen. I am basically shy but not as much as I used to be. This makeover I have been working on for
the last 8 years has made me a more open and perhaps confident person as we have already killed (my less friendly self as referred to earlier) but I still have a long way to go. To look into the future, whether it is tomorrow, next year, or five years from now is quite daunting. I am thinking that the referral to "seasons" makes time feel like it is passing and you don't realize how much. The older I get, the faster time
goes.

Must get cracking!

Eileen

Dec 1st 2012 new

(Quote) Eileen-890971 said: Dear John, Spicy! Yes, that jealous moment was laughable but your are right, in the dati...
(Quote) Eileen-890971 said:

Dear John,

Spicy! Yes, that jealous moment was laughable but your are right, in the dating phase. Again, your insight astounds me. I recently read a book on the five types of love and I would have to hunt that book to find the title but maybe you know it? The author was a psychologist. Anyway,
I thought he had merit when he discussed the types of love but long lasting love was different than new (infatuation or lustful) love but that
the first can morph for lack of a better word, into the next phase. I think it is time, reassurance of the relationship, TRUST (still a biggie), and respect and humor that allows that transformation.

Is it that maybe I don't feel like I deserve long lasting love? That I am insecure about "forever and ever" in my mind and heart or as you say
until death do us part? Those words make a heat rise to my face very similar to the emotion fear. When I said those words, I meant those words. When we had tough times, I said it is you and me and we have to lean on each other. Failure in your own beliefs and capabilities is
mind altering. I thought I could do it, forgive and almost forget (because we all know we cannot forget everything), work at making life better and still not succeeding.

I am a social person, I like to talk and listen. I am basically shy but not as much as I used to be. This makeover I have been working on for
the last 8 years has made me a more open and perhaps confident person as we have already killed (my less friendly self as referred to earlier) but I still have a long way to go. To look into the future, whether it is tomorrow, next year, or five years from now is quite daunting. I am thinking that the referral to "seasons" makes time feel like it is passing and you don't realize how much. The older I get, the faster time
goes.

Must get cracking!

Eileen

--hide--
Dear Eileen,

Maybe the book whose title you could not recall is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D Chapman or maybe another of his "5" books.

The question about whether I deserve a lasting love is not one that I ask myself. By this, I do not mean that I know for sure that I do deserve it, but only that I think that I might deserve it as much as the average person, who might not even bother with asking himself this question.

What I do wonder about, to an extent, is whether this or that woman will like me in a way that will makes her want to date me, but since that is not under my control, I just try to find out about that through making contact and letting the chips fall as they may and don't worry about what is not under my control.

The way I look at changing oneself socially is a bit different from simply following advice about what to do. As an example, let me use the recommendations one hear about smiling such as, "Smile a lot and do so sincerely". My belief is that any socially connecting acts (smiling, voice tone, body language and so on) can never be under the direct control of one's will just as spontaneity cannot be willed directly. I think that the kind of smile, voice tone or body language that will connect with others cannot happen until a certain level of social and psychological growth has been attained, but that growth proceeds in our subconscious minds and is also not under our direct control. If and when the needed growth occurs, the kind of smile, vocal tone and body language needed to connect with others will automatically appear without our directly willing the correct smile, vocal tone or body language. Our best chance of attaining this grow is, I believe, to lead positive moral lives and to continue interacting socially as much as possible at whatever limited level we currently possess.

What I learn from this is not to push oneself by straining to produce these social acts that remain impossible until further inner growth occurs. Just the awareness of this and the cessation of trying to do the impossible before the needed grow occurs, makes one more relaxed and that is at least a slight improvement in itself.

To explain the same idea from a different direction, the kind of smiles and vocal tones that connect to others in a social way cannot begin by having one's will send a command to the facial muscles or vocal chords. The kind of smile and vocal tones that will reach others socially have to begin deep within a socially and psychologically developed self that spontaneously activates the facial muscle or vocal chords. The will is involved only in a way that is similar to the way it is involved when one spontaneously makes "mmm mmm good" sounds when one tastes something very delicious.

So, Eileen, what's cookin'??? mischievous

Looking at an empty plate, eyepopping shhh

John

Dec 1st 2012 new

(Quote) John-184825 said: Dear Eileen, Maybe the book whose title you could not recall is
(Quote) John-184825 said:

Dear Eileen,

Maybe the book whose title you could not recall is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary D Chapman or maybe another of his "5" books.

The question about whether I deserve a lasting love is not one that I ask myself. By this, I do not mean that I know for sure that I do deserve it, but only that I think that I might deserve it as much as the average person, who might not even bother with asking himself this question.

What I do wonder about, to an extent, is whether this or that woman will like me in a way that will makes her want to date me, but since that is not under my control, I just try to find out about that through making contact and letting the chips fall as they may and don't worry about what is not under my control.

The way I look at changing oneself socially is a bit different from simply following advice about what to do. As an example, let me use the recommendations one hear about smiling such as, "Smile a lot and do so sincerely". My belief is that any socially connecting acts (smiling, voice tone, body language and so on) can never be under the direct control of one's will just as spontaneity cannot be willed directly. I think that the kind of smile, voice tone or body language that will connect with others cannot happen until a certain level of social and psychological growth has been attained, but that growth proceeds in our subconscious minds and is also not under our direct control. If and when the needed growth occurs, the kind of smile, vocal tone and body language needed to connect with others will automatically appear without our directly willing the correct smile, vocal tone or body language. Our best chance of attaining this grow is, I believe, to lead positive moral lives and to continue interacting socially as much as possible at whatever limited level we currently possess.

What I learn from this is not to push oneself by straining to produce these social acts that remain impossible until further inner growth occurs. Just the awareness of this and the cessation of trying to do the impossible before the needed grow occurs, makes one more relaxed and that is at least a slight improvement in itself.

To explain the same idea from a different direction, the kind of smiles and vocal tones that connect to others in a social way cannot begin by having one's will send a command to the facial muscles or vocal chords. The kind of smile and vocal tones that will reach others socially have to begin deep within a socially and psychologically developed self that spontaneously activates the facial muscle or vocal chords. The will is involved only in a way that is similar to the way it is involved when one spontaneously makes "mmm mmm good" sounds when one tastes something very delicious.

So, Eileen, what's cookin'???

Looking at an empty plate,

John

--hide--
Dear John,

Awake at this early hour again! Banana muffins with cream cheese frosting with mini chocolate chips is what is cooking. I had too many
bananas and didn't want to wait an hour for banana bread hense the muffin recipe which came out extraordinarily good. Always surprised
when a new recipe is one I want to keep.

Yes, that is the book in reference and actually I think I read two or three versions of the same book. It was enlightening, his vision and division of types and needs in that book and where I thought I fit. In the end, I remember feeling that I fit in two places.

Your reference to smiles made me smile! Recently, I made it a point to smile at strangers that I thought needed that little attention. What I found was that most people would smile back, some would nod their head but I could see the smile started in their eyes and moved to their lips because it was unexpected. And that made me happy. I am seeing that you connected smile, voice tone and body language and I find that interesting. I do observe my little sister sometimes and she likes to flirt. She uses all that visual to get a response. I have never really been a good flirt as I believe she inherited all the flirt genes in the family. I was definitely behind the door as my mother would like to say when she referred to someone's looks or manners. I am not so sure about your analogy about psychological growth and social growth so much as personal growth. I think when I relax and let life unfold without trying to control it is when I feel the best as you refer to the subconscious mind. All this thinking is giving me a headache! Not really but you do make me analyze myself and people around me. As a matter of fact, something you said to me in a previous letter came forefront in my mind today. It is amazing how that works sometimes, how your brain catalogs info and processes it.

I am sorry to hear that your cubbard is bare, Father Hubbard. I have a hundred cookbooks and alot of staple ingredients. That is the secret to being a good cook....to have ingredients on hand. Whatcha feel like?

Eileen

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