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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Chris-921139 said: I must say this is a tough question. I feel that two loving adults can "consent" with e...
(Quote) Chris-921139 said:

I must say this is a tough question. I feel that two loving adults can "consent" with each other. It has to be in love and in a dating relationshp. Sex is part animalistic and also a way to show love. I think it all depends on the indiviaul person. I do think it is not a good idea to just go sleep around with anyone. It is a very emotional connection so I think two people need to be in a steady type of relationship and not just running around with every one. I think if God wanted one to be a virgin he would have had the person to be in some type of religious order. I just want it to be clear that I do not think sex is a sport or entertainment.


I have found catholics to be very hypocritical on the sex question when I have been on the dating scene. My two cents.

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Don't agree. Can't paste a URL on this tablet, but if someone can paste a cnn.com article from yesterday about God, Love, and Sex, the author talks about sex, in marriage, and how those who don't do that, don't achieve happiness because they don't follow God's design of human sexuality.



Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Chuka-900164 said: I know what you mean Renai, I've been in a 6-year relationship and yes indeed it'...
(Quote) Chuka-900164 said:

I know what you mean Renai, I've been in a 6-year relationship and yes indeed it's tempting but the guy knew I was worth the wait. But, one thing with such a relationship is that one has to be close to and supportive of the other in every other way through words and actions (spiritually, emotionally, romantically, etc). If either of the couple becomes very busy and/or physically away from the other to support the other as needed, it is very easy for the relationship to fall apart. So I would generally not advise prolonging any such relationship for too long without commitment as it stands the risk of eventually losing mutual attraction, excitement or simply falling out of love

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I am confused. Why would anyone remain in a dating relationship for 4 or 6 years. It seems that if both parties cannot make the commitment after 2 years, then it would seem they were not meant for each other and should move on and allow God to choose their mate. Long dating relationships put inordinate amount of pressure to engage in physical intimacy.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: Renai, if you reach 80 and are still a virgin, how will that affect your chances of eternal salvati...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

Renai, if you reach 80 and are still a virgin, how will that affect your chances of eternal salvation?

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Like!

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ev...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ever worry that perhaps you'll die a virgin? is this a big concern for you, and how do you deal with this. And for the re-born virgins either by virtue of having gone through a divorce and now celibate or have had premarital sex and now celibate in keeping with the teachings of the church, do you fear never having sex again?..and for all who fit into the category above, how has this negatively affected your relationships in the past. I know it has been a deal breaker for some of the guys I've dated...hence why I'm here on CM. please share your thoughts. Thanks.
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Renai, you have asked a very direct question, and I'll give you a direct and honest answer. In my late teens I did what many do and had sex on a date. It was a disappointing experience and nothing like the hype that Hollywood portrays. The guilt was enormous. It didn't make me feel better in any way -- only regret. That was many years ago and by God's grace I've been pure a long time now.

Having tried it outside marriage and when married I can say that the quality of the experience depends on the quality of the relationship and the love and committment--- and anyone who truly loves you and is truly committed to your happiness will wait. As you are not in a loving, committed marriage (aside from it being mortal sin) I can tell you from experience it wouldn't be what you hoped it would be.

I understand the longing (I'm single now and miss it as well) but outside marriage it's not a positive but a negative. I've experienced this first hand.

Also my sister I want to share this with you from a man's point of view. Chastity is hard for everyone but especially us men folk. What is the best way to know you are dating a man who really, truly loves you for you? Chastity is a powerful way for a woman to know a man's true intent toward her. Date a man who stays with you despite not having sex. Why would a man stay in a relationship with you if he is not getting sex? There is only one reason: he loves you for you and loves God. If a man is having sex before marriage then you don't ever really know he's not with you just for sex.

I hope this was not "too direct" but I think my answer will help other women who read this to understand the practical value of chastity as a tool in their dating lives to discern the real intent of a man.

It's easy for a man to say he loves you but something else entirely when he forfeits what he so dearly needs to stay with you anyway.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Patricia-29176 said: (Quote) Chris-921139 said: I must say this is a tough question. I feel t...
(Quote) Patricia-29176 said:

Quote:
Chris-921139 said:

I must say this is a tough question. I feel that two loving adults can "consent" with each other. It has to be in love and in a dating relationshp. Sex is part animalistic and also a way to show love. I think it all depends on the indiviaul person. I do think it is not a good idea to just go sleep around with anyone. It is a very emotional connection so I think two people need to be in a steady type of relationship and not just running around with every one. I think if God wanted one to be a virgin he would have had the person to be in some type of religious order. I just want it to be clear that I do not think sex is a sport or entertainment.


I have found catholics to be very hypocritical on the sex question when I have been on the dating scene. My two cents.




Just curious, does your priest/Bishop agree with you that two loving adults can "consent" with each other (which I assume is your euphamism for having sexual relations outside of marriage)? It is my understanding that doing such is a mortal sin in the Roman Catholic Church.

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The Devil always uses half-truths. The half-truth is a syllogism structured like this:


In order to consent one must be a man or woman. All people are fundamentally loving despite our fallen nature. Therefore all people, who have even the slightest control over their will can consent to sin.


Ergo, I do not see why two adult humans cannot consent to do anything together. Obviously, it doesn't make the exercise their will in common good. It is evil through and through. They say angels and demons spend most of their times building inter-personal relationships with other angels and demons, and also exploring knowledge, regardless of the evil-ness or good-ness of their relationships and pursuits. Living human beings also spend most of their time building relationships and exploring knowledge regardless of those activities being either good or evil. God never prohibits free-will.


So once again, we can absolutely agree to the letter: Two loving people can consent to evil. The devil never tells an out and out lie.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) John-857142 said: I am confused. Why would anyone remain in a dating relationship for 4 or 6 years. It ...
(Quote) John-857142 said:


I am confused. Why would anyone remain in a dating relationship for 4 or 6 years. It seems that if both parties cannot make the commitment after 2 years, then it would seem they were not meant for each other and should move on and allow God to choose their mate. Long dating relationships put inordinate amount of pressure to engage in physical intimacy.

--hide--


Things do not always move so quickly to marriage, especially when you are younger. At least it has been my experience that things tend to go a bit quicker once you're a bit older, but there can be a lot of different factors involved. There's no one-size-fits-all rule for relationship timing.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Laura-896845 said: There's no one-size-fits-all rule for relationship timing.
(Quote) Laura-896845 said:

There's no one-size-fits-all rule for relationship timing.

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Ain't that the truth! rolling eyes


theheart

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ev...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ever worry that perhaps you'll die a virgin? is this a big concern for you, and how do you deal with this. And for the re-born virgins either by virtue of having gone through a divorce and now celibate or have had premarital sex and now celibate in keeping with the teachings of the church, do you fear never having sex again?..and for all who fit into the category above, how has this negatively affected your relationships in the past. I know it has been a deal breaker for some of the guys I've dated...hence why I'm here on CM. please share your thoughts. Thanks.
--hide--


Renai, a lot of things can seem unbearable if you look at days and weeks and months and years of a particular situation stretching out before you all at once. I've found life is a lot more bearable if you take it only one day at a time.

Nov 26th 2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ev...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ever worry that perhaps you'll die a virgin? is this a big concern for you, and how do you deal with this. And for the re-born virgins either by virtue of having gone through a divorce and now celibate or have had premarital sex and now celibate in keeping with the teachings of the church, do you fear never having sex again?..and for all who fit into the category above, how has this negatively affected your relationships in the past. I know it has been a deal breaker for some of the guys I've dated...hence why I'm here on CM. please share your thoughts. Thanks.
--hide--



Well, I don't think it is healthy to say Yes I am afraid to die a virgin. We are to give ourselves completely to God right now, and only in Holy Matrimony can we give ourselves to another person in a conjugal way.


None of us should be worried about dying a virgin. In fact we should strive for that. If someone I met said I am afraid of dying a virgin I would be very skeptical that they are just wanting to date or marry me for sexual pleasure. I want a marriage that is based on more than just sexual pleasure. I think all of us want that.

Don't let the world fool you .. He wants our souls to be saved and don't think you are missing out on something if you don't have sexual intercourse before you die. My soul is worth much more than any sexual pleasure I can have on this earth. I want eternal life forever NOT something transient here that will not last.

Peace and prayers for all of us here to be patient and look to things above Praying rosary theheart angel Kathleen

Nov 26th 2012 new

So much to be said here......Yes, two grown ups, outside of marriage, may freely consent to have intercourse. If they know that that is a sin of fornication--and it is pretty hard not to know that if you have any sense of Christianity--they will have the joy of burning in hell together for all eternity': thirty seconds of "heaven" for an eternity of hell.

Anything else is simply not a Christian or Catholic response, regardless of what some 'Christians' may say or do.

I am gonna rant again, like I did about women's clothing yesterday..........I am absolutely disgusted with any woman, if viewing her profile, who 'disagrees' with 'Church teaching' about premarital/extramarital sex. You wanna know what I say to myself when I get emots from such, or am viewed by such when I discover their thought on this? "Get away from me!!!" I add something else, also, not profanity, but I should leave it out...

NOW, the sexual act is but a small part of human sexuality. Sexuality can be expressed--man and woman each in their own unique, God-given way--in a multitude of ways. I am sure most of us know this. Expressing our sexuality as male or female goes so far above the merely physical, copulatory dimension. Thanks be to God! Of course, there is something in the human person that still inclines to that expression--let's not kid ourselves here--and all of us (males especially, generally speaking) feel that lack of expression, and perhaps the need for that expression, from time to time. But that is where chastity comes in, right. That is where our love for God and our Lady and St. Joseph come in. And this is expressed in prayer.

I was a monk for over 22 years and I guided many novices through such waters. And let me be clear: our prayer life can be and should be an exression of our sexuality. Yes, did you hear that? Look at the Canticle of Canticles in Holy Scripture. What is it about? A few things: The love of man and woman and their longing for union, set to poetry. Allegorically, it is a poem about the love of God and the love of man and their union in supernatural charity. Yes! my prayer life--and i take it very seriously--is a very real expression, daily, of my sexuality. At daily Mass and my Holy Hour..........

Our sexuality is like a pallette of paints, and our life is the canvas. If we want to paint with the 'color of copulation' only, there will be no picture: only something frightfully similar to much contemporary art........If we use all the colors in the spectrum of our sexuality (to shift the metaphor) to paint our lives, then we will have something beautiful: sexual intercourse or not.

But this requires an absolute committment to the life of prayer, and I don't mean just weekly Mass and mumbling morning and nighttime prayers...............Remember God is the best psychologist. And He knows that we are sexual beings, and He invites us to the life of prayer. That is much better than 'thirty seconds of "heaven"'

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