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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
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Nov 26th 2012 new

[quote]Kathleen-5781 said:

... If someone I met said I am afraid of dying a virgin I would be very skeptical that they are just wanting to date or marry me for sexual pleasure. [quote]

I think there are a lot of superficial thinkers out there, who follow cultural norms & understandings as the basis of what's acceptable--who have never truly contemplated the whys of certain moralities. So, the world/Hollywood/novels/etc show premarital sex as perfectly normal and natural, and that's what an average person might go by too--again, from a very superficial level. I wonder how many people out there have not ever been exposed to the depth of the idea of sexuality as is upheld by our Church--heck, look at how many of her own members are unaware!

Nov 27th 2012 new

Here is another thought, take it or leave it. It relates directly to one's priorities: a possibly desperate need for marital intercourse as distinct from the desire and committment to living a life with God in prayer. One must be very cautious of one's priorities.


So this is my thought:

"(S)he who has not learned to live with 'God Alone' in a life of prayer/supernatural charity, ought not to undertake to live with another human being in Holy Matrimony."

(My thought is inspired from a text that is cherished dearly by contemplative religious, coming from the Imitation of Christ: "He alone should spend time in the company of men, who would rather be in solitude with God.")

Granted, my thought does place the bar rather high, and I admit that it may be a bit overstated. But there is unquestionably a grain of truth to it: Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament. It is a God-given, grace-giving covenant made by man with woman in the presence of God. If I have no habits of prayer upon entering such a covenant, it may be pretty difficult to establish them at all.

And once God becomes second, not first, in Holy Matrimony, then will my prospective bride become second........second to ME. Sad, but true. My thought is fundamentally accurate--although demanding. Remember the great statement Fr. Patrick Peyton, champion of the Family Rosary in the earlier 20th century: "The family that prays together, stays together."


The couple that loves each other in God, and who stand hand in hand in God's presence by prayer, have alot of grace going for them.

Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ev...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: For those who have always been celibate ie never ever had sex - regardless of how old you are, do you ever worry that perhaps you'll die a virgin? is this a big concern for you, and how do you deal with this. And for the re-born virgins either by virtue of having gone through a divorce and now celibate or have had premarital sex and now celibate in keeping with the teachings of the church, do you fear never having sex again?..and for all who fit into the category above, how has this negatively affected your relationships in the past. I know it has been a deal breaker for some of the guys I've dated...hence why I'm here on CM. please share your thoughts. Thanks.
--hide--



Gee, this sounds a lot like The Band Perry, "If I Die Young," where the girl talks about how sweet her first romance was, even though it was mostly holding hands. . .


I'm celibate now but wasn't always. . . dating a virgin is not a dealbreaker for me. Dating someone who is a virgin for non-spiritual reasons (i.e. fear, psychological) is an issue. I dated a woman who didn't intend to have a very, umm, active married life. THAT was a dealbreaker.


"Marriage fun? Fun for men, you mean."

Nov 27th 2012 new
Hello guys, thanks for ALL of your comments - sorry I've been AWOL on the thread....pressing matters like pepping for an upcoming major surgery in 4 days!!..Ok, so here is my take:

I agree with most of what has been expressed above, but I do think quite a few folks miss the point of the original post - which indicates that we are talking about folks who already believe and accept the church's teachings on pre-marital sex, so further elaborating on the Church's teaching was not the question I want addressed, but rather how do people who are celibate, want to wait until marriage to have sex would feel if say they are 60, 70 or 80 and never get the opportunity to get married, thus never have sex, and not that they have taken a vow of celibacy (like some Opus dei members) or thinking about entering a religious order...personally, I have read Theology of the Body,and it makes sense to me, so there is not question about my views on the matter, however, I think sex is spiritual but also temporal....and a human experience most would like to have, all things being equal (ie one is in a good loving marriage) thus inasmuch as we focus on the spiritual aspect of sex as Catholics, we cannot and should not deny the human longing and need for it...in a good marriage, it enhances the experience...there is a human craving to have this experience. Yes, heaven is beyond our collective imagination and we hope we make it there to that permanent state of euphoria which has been described as the most heightened feeling the human mind cannot even begin to comprehend, but right now, we are here now, on earth, having a human experience of which sex is one of them - so wouldn't you like to at least sex before you die? I know I would, and I would feel "bad": if I never did and I am 80 eyepopping - just being frank here...and no, that would not make me engage in sex prior to marriage. But I am human too.
Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) John-904878 said: Here is another thought, take it or leave it. It relates directly to one's priorities:
(Quote) John-904878 said:

Here is another thought, take it or leave it. It relates directly to one's priorities: a possibly desperate need for marital intercourse as distinct from the desire and committment to living a life with God in prayer. One must be very cautious of one's priorities.


So this is my thought:

"(S)he who has not learned to live with 'God Alone' in a life of prayer/supernatural charity, ought not to undertake to live with another human being in Holy Matrimony."

(My thought is inspired from a text that is cherished dearly by contemplative religious, coming from the Imitation of Christ: "He alone should spend time in the company of men, who would rather be in solitude with God.")

Granted, my thought does place the bar rather high, and I admit that it may be a bit overstated. But there is unquestionably a grain of truth to it: Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament. It is a God-given, grace-giving covenant made by man with woman in the presence of God. If I have no habits of prayer upon entering such a covenant, it may be pretty difficult to establish them at all.

And once God becomes second, not first, in Holy Matrimony, then will my prospective bride become second........second to ME. Sad, but true. My thought is fundamentally accurate--although demanding. Remember the great statement Fr. Patrick Peyton, champion of the Family Rosary in the earlier 20th century: "The family that prays together, stays together."


The couple that loves each other in God, and who stand hand in hand in God's presence by prayer, have alot of grace going for them.

--hide--


The couple that loves God in each other....

Nov 27th 2012 new
(Quote) John-857142 said: I am confused. Why would anyone remain in a dating relationship for 4 or 6 years. It seems...
(Quote) John-857142 said:




I am confused. Why would anyone remain in a dating relationship for 4 or 6 years. It seems that if both parties cannot make the commitment after 2 years, then it would seem they were not meant for each other and should move on and allow God to choose their mate. Long dating relationships put inordinate amount of pressure to engage in physical intimacy.

--hide--


Hi John we were actually in college....I was 16 when we started dating - too young to me married!

biggrin
Nov 27th 2012 new

(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Hello guys, thanks for ALL of your comments - sorry I've been AWOL on the thread....pressing matters...
(Quote) Renai-414828 said: Hello guys, thanks for ALL of your comments - sorry I've been AWOL on the thread....pressing matters like pepping for an upcoming major surgery in 4 days!!..Ok, so here is my take:

I agree with most of what has been expressed above, but I do think quite a few folks miss the point of the original post - which indicates that we are talking about folks who already believe and accept the church's teachings on pre-marital sex, so further elaborating on the Church's teaching was not the question I want addressed, but rather how do people who are celibate, want to wait until marriage to have sex would feel if say they are 60, 70 or 80 and never get the opportunity to get married, thus never have sex, and not that they have taken a vow of celibacy (like some Opus dei members) or thinking about entering a religious order...personally, I have read Theology of the Body,and it makes sense to me, so there is not question about my views on the matter, however, I think sex is spiritual but also temporal....and a human experience most would like to have, all things being equal (ie one is in a good loving marriage) thus inasmuch as we focus on the spiritual aspect of sex as Catholics, we cannot and should not deny the human longing and need for it...in a good marriage, it enhances the experience...there is a human craving to have this experience. Yes, heaven is beyond our collective imagination and we hope we make it there to that permanent state of euphoria which has been described as the most heightened feeling the human mind cannot even begin to comprehend, but right now, we are here now, on earth, having a human experience of which sex is one of them - so wouldn't you like to at least sex before you die? I know I would, and I would feel "bad": if I never did and I am 80 - just being frank here...and no, that would not make me engage in sex prior to marriage. But I am human too.
--hide--



Prayers for your upcoming major surgery dearest Renai ... Praying Praying rosary rosary theheart theheart hug


I hope you will recover quickly and be well. I think we all want to experience good things here on earth and in life ... A good marriage for us singles on here is what we are mostly looking for. And if you do die never experiencing sexual pleasure it won't matter in the next life. Heaven will be more glorious than anything this life has to offer. And the other place we know is eternal separation from God and there will be no love there.


Blessings to you dear Renai.. Yes we are human but we trust in God. Peace and prayers for you.

Kathleen


PS Something that just came to mind, my cousin that died of ovarian cancer. She had all of her female organs removed and I think her husband had to live without sex until she died. I am sure he was able to deal with that, because when we love someone, we make sacrifices and love is not only a sexual experience. That's just something to think about ... I hope you don't have cancer ... Please update us .. We are praying for you ...

Nov 27th 2012 new

Well, I do not worry at all. St. Paul says it is harder to stay chaste than to get married Amen. Who can say, " I turned down sex several times to such and such and that girl because I didn't want to hurt her." in front of your peers? Not many. Who can say, " At my age of 32, I am humbled to remain a virgin. I do not date or marry mainly for the sex or company." I dated one woman in that I told her up front that I wanted our touch to be "proper." She soon melted in my arms. Why not take the time and kiss for hours? Why not massage each other? Hello! You got a great woman in front of you, massage her legs, back, scalp? Write some poetry about her eyes or something? I like being able to be apart of creation through the sex act; I want to have the commitment from her first and when I ask her father for her hand in marriage I will do it as a man.

Sex does not make a boy into a man.

Also, if I do get married, then I will remind my wife how much I waited for her. Also, I can look my son in the eye and tell him about my experience as a virgin, and also give my daughters an example of what you can get if you listen to mom on how to find a great husband.

Many women feel it is okay for sex soon before the wedding so that pressure is not there on her big day - what I heard anyway. If I can wait for sex for this long, how much longer will I wait for you know what in the bedroom to make sure she is satisfied?

Nov 27th 2012 new
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said: Prayers for your upcoming major surgery dearest Renai ... I hope you will recov...
(Quote) Kathleen-5781 said:




Prayers for your upcoming major surgery dearest Renai ...


I hope you will recover quickly and be well. I think we all want to experience good things here on earth and in life ... A good marriage for us singles on here is what we are mostly looking for. And if you do die never experiencing sexual pleasure it won't matter in the next life. Heaven will be more glorious than anything this life has to offer. And the other place we know is eternal separation from God and there will be no love there.


Blessings to you dear Renai.. Yes we are human but we trust in God. Peace and prayers for you.

Kathleen


PS Something that just came to mind, my cousin that died of ovarian cancer. She had all of her female organs removed and I think her husband had to live without sex until she died. I am sure he was able to deal with that, because when we love someone, we make sacrifices and love is not only a sexual experience. That's just something to think about ... I hope you don't have cancer ... Please update us .. We are praying for you ...

--hide--


Hello Kathleen, thank for your insight and yes, it is stomach cancer...I am not worried though,God has manifested so many miracles in my life, and especially in the past one year...I am confident He will finish what He has started...no shaking biggrin - Thanks.
Nov 27th 2012 new
(Quote) William-848056 said: Well, I do not worry at all. St. Paul says it is harder to stay chaste than to get married Amen. Who can say,...
(Quote) William-848056 said:

Well, I do not worry at all. St. Paul says it is harder to stay chaste than to get married Amen. Who can say, " I turned down sex several times to such and such and that girl because I didn't want to hurt her." in front of your peers? Not many. Who can say, " At my age of 32, I am humbled to remain a virgin. I do not date or marry mainly for the sex or company." I dated one woman in that I told her up front that I wanted our touch to be "proper." She soon melted in my arms. Why not take the time and kiss for hours? Why not massage each other? Hello! You got a great woman in front of you, massage her legs, back, scalp? Write some poetry about her eyes or something? I like being able to be apart of creation through the sex act; I want to have the commitment from her first and when I ask her father for her hand in marriage I will do it as a man.



Sex does not make a boy into a man.



Also, if I do get married, then I will remind my wife how much I waited for her. Also, I can look my son in the eye and tell him about my experience as a virgin, and also give my daughters an example of what you can get if you listen to mom on how to find a great husband.



Many women feel it is okay for sex soon before the wedding so that pressure is not there on her big day - what I heard anyway. If I can wait for sex for this long, how much longer will I wait for you know what in the bedroom to make sure she is satisfied?

--hide--


Thanks for your comments, makes a lot of sense.
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