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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

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Dec 2nd 2012 new

To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of life, because it is not something I or any of us are called to.

This comes up every few months here on CM, I urge everyone who is still single and thinks of this as a fall back position, "maybe I am called to be single, to please do the research, as there is no calling/vocation to being single. It is a state of life not a vocation (to which one could be called).

Tossing around the word vocation with the word single is a post Vatican II feel good sort of thing that has occurred to make single people feel less left out, like their lives are still important, or less like they live "on the Isle of Misfit Toys" (to use a "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" analogy). So you will see even priests use the term "the single vocation", but it is not theologically correct.

There are three states of life (ordained, married, unmarried) which is a factual, demographic categorization, but two vocations (consecrated holy orders/avowed life and marriage). That is it.

Some people by nature are never going to be married (such as the "eunichs" referred to in the new testament), there are some people who are going to forgo the natural law "calling" to the married vocation and by that sacrifice do some good service (being a missionary in Africa, being the dutiful son or daughter serving an elderly parent in need--the urging that St. Paul made to us), but that does not make it a vocation. That was a decision or a service or a ministry best done by maintaining the single state of life, but it is not a vocation.

It does not make it bad or not of good value not to be a vocation, it just is not one of the two vocations.

You are either called to the consecrated life (priest, nun, consecrated virgin living in the world) or you are called to marriage.

A vocation requires three things: a call (from God), a fiat (the acceptance of the call, the yes from us), and this is the thing: a VOW to someone else (formal, public, lifelong, irrevocable). That is only holy orders/consecrated life, and marriage that have all three elements.

Just sort of deciding or by some inaction or confluence of circumstances remaining single does not involve any of that, and particularly does not include the last (the vow).

The vast majority of us are called to marriage. Those who are long not married need to first reconsider whether they were in fact called to the consecrated life and just missed it somehow, or if they are still called to the vocation of marriage, figure out why the fulfillment of it has not occurred (either due to self, to circumstances, selfishness, concupiscence or whatever). Unless you are consecrated virgin living in the world (and that requires a bishop and a ceremony and a vow, which is not most of us, if you are just watching hanging out still, working, trying to be a good person and citizen, and are single, that is great, but that is not a vocation.

Okay, end of lecture! graduate This is just my pet peeve, and I worry how many wonderful called to the vocation of marriage people there are that lose lots of precious time and opportunity to marriage because of this point. It breaks my heart!

Dec 2nd 2012 new

Pat,


Thank you for the clarification. I love definitions and categories! This was beautifully explained! hug



Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Pat, Thank you for the clarification. I love definitions and categories! This was beau...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Pat,


Thank you for the clarification. I love definitions and categories! This was beautifully explained!



--hide--
I agree Pat - none of us should ever give up on lovestruck!

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all! A question... At what point in life do you decide (discern with cer...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all!


A question...


At what point in life do you decide (discern with certainty) that you might just be called to a single life?


Not asking for myself, just asking in general!

--hide--


This month I will hit a birthday milestone, so this past year I have put a lot of thought into this question. I have a full life right now, with friends and family. But if I met someone, I would definitely make room in my life for them. But, until then I just keep moving forward in my single life but not dwelling on that term, that I am single.

Cat

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of l...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of life, because it is not something I or any of us are called to.

This comes up every few months here on CM, I urge everyone who is still single and thinks of this as a fall back position, "maybe I am called to be single, to please do the research, as there is no calling/vocation to being single. It is a state of life not a vocation (to which one could be called).

Tossing around the word vocation with the word single is a post Vatican II feel good sort of thing that has occurred to make single people feel less left out, like their lives are still important, or less like they live "on the Isle of Misfit Toys" (to use a "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" analogy). So you will see even priests use the term "the single vocation", but it is not theologically correct.

There are three states of life (ordained, married, unmarried) which is a factual, demographic categorization, but two vocations (consecrated holy orders/avowed life and marriage). That is it.

Some people by nature are never going to be married (such as the "eunichs" referred to in the new testament), there are some people who are going to forgo the natural law "calling" to the married vocation and by that sacrifice do some good service (being a missionary in Africa, being the dutiful son or daughter serving an elderly parent in need--the urging that St. Paul made to us), but that does not make it a vocation. That was a decision or a service or a ministry best done by maintaining the single state of life, but it is not a vocation.

It does not make it bad or not of good value not to be a vocation, it just is not one of the two vocations.

You are either called to the consecrated life (priest, nun, consecrated virgin living in the world) or you are called to marriage.

A vocation requires three things: a call (from God), a fiat (the acceptance of the call, the yes from us), and this is the thing: a VOW to someone else (formal, public, lifelong, irrevocable). That is only holy orders/consecrated life, and marriage that have all three elements.

Just sort of deciding or by some inaction or confluence of circumstances remaining single does not involve any of that, and particularly does not include the last (the vow).

The vast majority of us are called to marriage. Those who are long not married need to first reconsider whether they were in fact called to the consecrated life and just missed it somehow, or if they are still called to the vocation of marriage, figure out why the fulfillment of it has not occurred (either due to self, to circumstances, selfishness, concupiscence or whatever). Unless you are consecrated virgin living in the world (and that requires a bishop and a ceremony and a vow, which is not most of us, if you are just watching hanging out still, working, trying to be a good person and citizen, and are single, that is great, but that is not a vocation.

Okay, end of lecture! This is just my pet peeve, and I worry how many wonderful called to the vocation of marriage people there are that lose lots of precious time and opportunity to marriage because of this point. It breaks my heart!

--hide--


Thank you for this response. I was trying to figure out how to word this, but you did it beautifully!

Dec 2nd 2012 new
Oh, wow, what a question. I'd guess you could only reply that you're doing the work you believe God wants you to do, so it would all work out! Lol Actually, my mom never asks me anything about getting married and we are extremely close. If I am dating someone, she is very interested and happy, but I guess she doesn't want to make me seem that she isn't happy with me or something. It's definitely less pressure! Lol
Dec 2nd 2012 new
Hmmm.... I have a decent amount of Catholic/Christian books, and I thought it was a vocation. To my knowledge, the vocations include married life, religious life, and single life. I would have to dig through my books to find references, though! Lol
Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all! A question... At what point in life do you decide (discern with cer...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all!


A question...


At what point in life do you decide (discern with certainty) that you might just be called to a single life?


Not asking for myself, just asking in general!

--hide--
IT IS NOT MY CALLING! I just know it isn't. I JUST KNOW!

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all! A question... At what point in life do you decide (discern with cer...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all!


A question...


At what point in life do you decide (discern with certainty) that you might just be called to a single life?


Not asking for myself, just asking in general!

--hide--
In general? I think that life can make the choice for you. For many, it's a matter of circumstances -- being in a position whereby it is difficult to meet a person of interest, or being involved in other situations that also can interfere (work, caring for elderly/infirm relatives, and a host of others).

That doesn't mean that a person who is still interested in being married should give up. As long as you are breathing, there is still hope. Chance encounters happen. Rather than shutting the door on the idea of ever finding someone, a person can be extra vigilant to the possibilities that exist.

There's nothing wrong with staying single either. A good, moral life can be led; doing the Lord's will is still possible. Ultimately, that's what counts.

Dec 2nd 2012 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: IT IS NOT MY CALLING! I just know it isn't. I JUST KNOW!
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said:

IT IS NOT MY CALLING! I just know it isn't. I JUST KNOW!

--hide--


LOL! This made me laugh.


It's something I've been praying on. For all of you who roll your eyes and go, "You're ONLY 31," I don't want to hear it! lol We'll see where this road goes. But, from what I've read, it is a vocation; otherwise, I wouldn't be praying on it. wink

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