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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 6th 2012 new

Hi Nancy,


Truth be told, it's come into my mind every now and then. As I get older, I have looked at The Forgotten Vocation as a potential reality. In trying to find a wife, I have accepted the possibility that God may want me to be a celibate single for reasons that may only be known to Him. I'm not afraid of it; in fact I embrace the possibility. The paradox here happens when I did this that I started dating more women.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of l...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of life, because it is not something I or any of us are called to.

This comes up every few months here on CM, I urge everyone who is still single and thinks of this as a fall back position, "maybe I am called to be single, to please do the research, as there is no calling/vocation to being single. It is a state of life not a vocation (to which one could be called).

--hide--


It's heartbalm. It's a way to avoid looking to the deeper reasons for their inability to connect and form a lasting bond. Let's dress it p in pretty attire by saying God "calls" us to avoid giving of ourselves in a committed spousal relationship. That's much more palatable than admitting that some deep dysfunction or defect of character prevents some people from being in any relationship.



Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: I am not recommending "giving up." Frankly, I'm not recommending anything... Just asking t...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: I am not recommending "giving up." Frankly, I'm not recommending anything... Just asking the question. I know many women, relatives included, who have not really lived life because they have been waiting around into their 40s, 50s, and even 60s "waiting" to get married... "Life" never began for them. At what point do you not make getting married your central focus or a major focus in your life?
--hide--


We must live as fully as possible. In this way we enjoy the life God has given us and we make ourselves more attractive to potential mates.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) John-746882 said: I can laugh because I've been there. But now that I'm way past 40 and well beyond 7 dumpings I ca...
(Quote) John-746882 said: I can laugh because I've been there. But now that I'm way past 40 and well beyond 7 dumpings I can now say - life is not over at 40! Or 50, 60, 70, etc! You never know what's around the corner!
--hide--

I agree that life is not over at any particular time, but as the Bible says, there is a season for everything. For me, the season for a first marriage is drawing to a closing.

I am all for people who are widowed and annulled, if they feel like it, and it is God's will, that they marry again in late mid life. Great, good for you, is what I would say.

But for me, never married, to be looking still for a man, beyond 55, and all that patheticness and humiliation almost 40 years of searching has brought to my door, is just too much to bear any longer, so it is a burden I myself am going to be laying down.

So I personally am giving up the search when I turn 55 (which is close upon me).

I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search on my end.

So, NOTICE: Fire sale/closing for business sale soon coming at Profile No. 5351~ Buy Now!!! two cents two cents laughing

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) David-364112 said: It's heartbalm. It's a way to avoid looking to the deeper...
(Quote) David-364112 said:


It's heartbalm. It's a way to avoid looking to the deeper reasons for their inability to connect and form a lasting bond. Let's dress it p in pretty attire by saying God "calls" us to avoid giving of ourselves in a committed spousal relationship. That's much more palatable than admitting that some deep dysfunction or defect of character prevents some people from being in any relationship.


--hide--

David, that is one of the best things I have ever seen you post here on CM. You totally nailed it ...the feel good, kumbaya, let's not tell people the truth but just try to make them "feel" better. It's another verse of the "social justice is more important than doctrine" song that happened in the Church after Vatican II.

I am not sure most people have something going on that affects them from being in any relationship, but rather issues or problems particular to the marital relationship (intimacy, responsiblity, fidelity, total self giving, sexuality, etc.....) We may have all kinds of relationships, but can't make the "one" relationship work (or don't even know how to try), due to all you said.

Dec 6th 2012 new

I am a little late getting into this conversation - but it sounds as if you are serving God as a single woman. Are you accepting of this?

I believe that God lets us know what we are called to do - you may be called to do missionary work, and serve God and the Church in ways only a single woman can (pouring out all your love, attention and time to others without the contraints of a husband and family). Perhaps someday your situation will change, and you may marry, but no - I do not believe God wants us to wait to begin living our lives. I think what you are doing is great - you are grabbing what God has given you and running with it. If you feel fulfilled pouring yourself out for the good of others, and if you do not feel compelled toward having a family, it may be for you to focus on your work and helping others. If you feel called to have a family - just keep yourself open to a relationship.


That is just my two cents worth. If its worth even that much. :D



Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: David, that is one of the best things I have ever seen you post here on CM. You totally nail...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

David, that is one of the best things I have ever seen you post here on CM. You totally nailed it ...the feel good, kumbaya, let's not tell people the truth but just try to make them "feel" better. It's another verse of the "social justice is more important than doctrine" song that happened in the Church after Vatican II.

I am not sure most people have something going on that affects them from being in any relationship, but rather issues or problems particular to the marital relationship (intimacy, responsiblity, fidelity, total self giving, sexuality, etc.....) We may have all kinds of relationships, but can't make the "one" relationship work (or don't even know how to try), due to all you said.

--hide--


Thanks. Some people just have bad luck or prefer, for wholesome reasons rather than dysfunctional ones, to remain single.


But I'm fed up with the others with dysfunctions who try to avoid confronting their own issues by saying GOD ALMIGHTY wants them to be single. I'm happy someone sees the distinction. Usually I get a hiding when I raise that point.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-838315 said: Hi all! A question... At what point in life do you decide (discern with cer...
(Quote) Nancy-838315 said:

Hi all!


A question...


At what point in life do you decide (discern with certainty) that you might just be called to a single life?


Not asking for myself, just asking in general!

--hide--



Well I was just reading some of the responses and I found very good reflections in many of them. I believe we should live each day to the fullest. In whatever state we are in. Striving toward the goal of heaven. We have the Sacraments to help us and yes Marriage is one of the sacraments. If being married will help me get to heaven than I would surely welcome that. In the meantime I am single. Since my child bearing years are coming to an end, I often wonder if marriage is my calling. So each day I surrender to God's will and do the best I can with the life he gave me. He knows my needs better than I know them. So I continue to pray and ask Him. I believe we can grow closer and stronger in our faith during our single years.

Blessings to all of us as we heed God's calling. Help us to listen and to hear you. Praying rosary theheart Dove

Kathleen


Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: I agree that life is not over at any particular time, but as the Bible say...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

I agree that life is not over at any particular time, but as the Bible says, there is a season for everything. For me, the season for a first marriage is drawing to a closing.

I am all for people who are widowed and annulled, if they feel like it, and it is God's will, that they marry again in late mid life. Great, good for you, is what I would say.

But for me, never married, to be looking still for a man, beyond 55, and all that patheticness and humiliation almost 40 years of searching has brought to my door, is just too much to bear any longer, so it is a burden I myself am going to be laying down.

So I personally am giving up the search when I turn 55 (which is close upon me).

I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search on my end.

So, NOTICE: Fire sale/closing for business sale soon coming at Profile No. 5351~ Buy Now!!!

--hide--



Good policy and well put, Pat!

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: I agree that life is not over at any particular time, but as the Bible say...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

I agree that life is not over at any particular time, but as the Bible says, there is a season for everything. For me, the season for a first marriage is drawing to a closing.

I am all for people who are widowed and annulled, if they feel like it, and it is God's will, that they marry again in late mid life. Great, good for you, is what I would say.

But for me, never married, to be looking still for a man, beyond 55, and all that patheticness and humiliation almost 40 years of searching has brought to my door, is just too much to bear any longer, so it is a burden I myself am going to be laying down.

So I personally am giving up the search when I turn 55 (which is close upon me).

I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search on my end.

So, NOTICE: Fire sale/closing for business sale soon coming at Profile No. 5351~ Buy Now!!!

--hide--


Pat,

I have about determined that only a very small percentage of Catholics find their spouse online. But, what I have found is a great bunch of practicing Catholics from all walks of life and all ages who are willing to get in a discussion on a varied amount of topics (risking some pretty rough responses), give thoughtful advice whether requested or not, and debate issues most of the time with grace. I consider a lot of these folks my friends in a strange sort of way, though I am getting more used to this idea the longer I am on CM.


I hope you will hang in there with us, age 55 or not. You have a lot to offer the forums and I suspect if you think about it, you will agree that we have a lot to offer you. I think of the passage that says, "When two or more are gathered in my name, I am in their midst" when I think of CM. It has become an extension of my Church.


There are all kinds of reasons Mr. Right hasn't come along. It could be that he is busy with other things right now, needs to resolve some issues...who knows the list could go on and on. But, until he shows up (and maybe even after) I hope you will hang in with us. A void will be created if you leave.


- Elizabeth

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