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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search ...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search on my end.

--hide--


I'm in the same situation(boat?) as you. While it is discouraging, I'm still in the game. Life is a dance and I want to be part of that dance each day. While I think and imagine that the dance would be enhanced with a partner, I also know that I can still participate and enjoy the dance on a daily basis.

I'm still hopeful about relationship and marriage. Not having either at the present time, does not diminish me in the slightest.

When the music of life is playing, I want to be up on the dance floor.

Dec 6th 2012 new

Hi All-


This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to me and so i wanted to share with you what the Lord and i are currently working on, in my life. i believe the desire to meet a man to share my life with is God given-I believe He instilled it in me. He knows the desires of my heart and as a loving Father wants very much to bless me in this way- He made woman for man. I very much believe He will fulfill this in me- it is our FAITH that will bring to us that which we desire from our Loving Father. Over and over Jesus says in scripture after scripture 'Your FAITH has healed you, your servant, your child, your sight..." i had to really check myself and say- perhaps it's not God denying my petition but rather do I have the REAL FAITH and courage that i am worthy, ready, and in position to recieve this and do I really BELIEVE that God will bring this forth in my life- today my answer is yes. And so at 43 when i marry, it will further GLORIFY GOD-His MIGHTY POWER and desire to bless me abundantly as the Word of God tells us. Furthermore, praying about this, talking with God about this, reaching out to the Blessed Mother, Communing with Jesus, fellowshipping with other Christians has made my love affair with Christ Jesus even more intimate and i know this pleases Him.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Judy-922816 said: Hi All- This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to m...
(Quote) Judy-922816 said:

Hi All-


This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to me and so i wanted to share with you what the Lord and i are currently working on, in my life. i believe the desire to meet a man to share my life with is God given-I believe He instilled it in me. He knows the desires of my heart and as a loving Father wants very much to bless me in this way- He made woman for man. I very much believe He will fulfill this in me- it is our FAITH that will bring to us that which we desire from our Loving Father. Over and over Jesus says in scripture after scripture 'Your FAITH has healed you, your servant, your child, your sight..." i had to really check myself and say- perhaps it's not God denying my petition but rather do I have the REAL FAITH and courage that i am worthy, ready, and in position to recieve this and do I really BELIEVE that God will bring this forth in my life- today my answer is yes. And so at 43 when i marry, it will further GLORIFY GOD-His MIGHTY POWER and desire to bless me abundantly as the Word of God tells us. Furthermore, praying about this, talking with God about this, reaching out to the Blessed Mother, Communing with Jesus, fellowshipping with other Christians has made my love affair with Christ Jesus even more intimate and i know this pleases Him.

--hide--



First post alert!! So glad you joined us Judy. Welcome. Post often. It's great to have you here. wave


- Elizabeth

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Judy-922816 said: Hi All- This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to m...
(Quote) Judy-922816 said:

Hi All-


This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to me and so i wanted to share with you what the Lord and i are currently working on, in my life. i believe the desire to meet a man to share my life with is God given-I believe He instilled it in me. He knows the desires of my heart and as a loving Father wants very much to bless me in this way- He made woman for man. I very much believe He will fulfill this in me- it is our FAITH that will bring to us that which we desire from our Loving Father. Over and over Jesus says in scripture after scripture 'Your FAITH has healed you, your servant, your child, your sight..." i had to really check myself and say- perhaps it's not God denying my petition but rather do I have the REAL FAITH and courage that i am worthy, ready, and in position to recieve this and do I really BELIEVE that God will bring this forth in my life- today my answer is yes. And so at 43 when i marry, it will further GLORIFY GOD-His MIGHTY POWER and desire to bless me abundantly as the Word of God tells us. Furthermore, praying about this, talking with God about this, reaching out to the Blessed Mother, Communing with Jesus, fellowshipping with other Christians has made my love affair with Christ Jesus even more intimate and i know this pleases Him.

--hide--



First post alert!! So glad you joined us Judy. Welcome. Post often. It's great to have you here. wave


- Elizabeth

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Judy-922816 said: Hi All- This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to m...
(Quote) Judy-922816 said:

Hi All-


This is my first time posting on a forum- but this is an important subject to me and so i wanted to share with you what the Lord and i are currently working on, in my life. i believe the desire to meet a man to share my life with is God given-I believe He instilled it in me. He knows the desires of my heart and as a loving Father wants very much to bless me in this way- He made woman for man. I very much believe He will fulfill this in me- it is our FAITH that will bring to us that which we desire from our Loving Father. Over and over Jesus says in scripture after scripture 'Your FAITH has healed you, your servant, your child, your sight..." i had to really check myself and say- perhaps it's not God denying my petition but rather do I have the REAL FAITH and courage that i am worthy, ready, and in position to recieve this and do I really BELIEVE that God will bring this forth in my life- today my answer is yes. And so at 43 when i marry, it will further GLORIFY GOD-His MIGHTY POWER and desire to bless me abundantly as the Word of God tells us. Furthermore, praying about this, talking with God about this, reaching out to the Blessed Mother, Communing with Jesus, fellowshipping with other Christians has made my love affair with Christ Jesus even more intimate and i know this pleases Him.

--hide--


Welcome Judy!

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Pat-5351 said: To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of l...
(Quote) Pat-5351 said:

To answer the question, I have never felt called to the single state of life, because it is not something I or any of us are called to.

This comes up every few months here on CM, I urge everyone who is still single and thinks of this as a fall back position, "maybe I am called to be single, to please do the research, as there is no calling/vocation to being single. It is a state of life not a vocation (to which one could be called).

Tossing around the word vocation with the word single is a post Vatican II feel good sort of thing that has occurred to make single people feel less left out, like their lives are still important, or less like they live "on the Isle of Misfit Toys" (to use a "Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer" analogy). So you will see even priests use the term "the single vocation", but it is not theologically correct.

There are three states of life (ordained, married, unmarried) which is a factual, demographic categorization, but two vocations (consecrated holy orders/avowed life and marriage). That is it.

Some people by nature are never going to be married (such as the "eunichs" referred to in the new testament), there are some people who are going to forgo the natural law "calling" to the married vocation and by that sacrifice do some good service (being a missionary in Africa, being the dutiful son or daughter serving an elderly parent in need--the urging that St. Paul made to us), but that does not make it a vocation. That was a decision or a service or a ministry best done by maintaining the single state of life, but it is not a vocation.

It does not make it bad or not of good value not to be a vocation, it just is not one of the two vocations.

You are either called to the consecrated life (priest, nun, consecrated virgin living in the world) or you are called to marriage.

A vocation requires three things: a call (from God), a fiat (the acceptance of the call, the yes from us), and this is the thing: a VOW to someone else (formal, public, lifelong, irrevocable). That is only holy orders/consecrated life, and marriage that have all three elements.

Just sort of deciding or by some inaction or confluence of circumstances remaining single does not involve any of that, and particularly does not include the last (the vow).

The vast majority of us are called to marriage. Those who are long not married need to first reconsider whether they were in fact called to the consecrated life and just missed it somehow, or if they are still called to the vocation of marriage, figure out why the fulfillment of it has not occurred (either due to self, to circumstances, selfishness, concupiscence or whatever). Unless you are consecrated virgin living in the world (and that requires a bishop and a ceremony and a vow, which is not most of us, if you are just watching hanging out still, working, trying to be a good person and citizen, and are single, that is great, but that is not a vocation.

Okay, end of lecture! This is just my pet peeve, and I worry how many wonderful called to the vocation of marriage people there are that lose lots of precious time and opportunity to marriage because of this point. It breaks my heart!

--hide--


Pat,

Excellent post. I am going to print this one.

Blessings, Praying hug rose

Leon

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Meg-920823 said: (Quote) Nancy-838315 said: I guess there is a part of ...
(Quote) Meg-920823 said:

Quote:
Nancy-838315 said:


I guess there is a part of me that would like to be Cinderella... I never thought I'd say THAT in my life!!!...in that I want marriage, children... and being a stay-at-home wife and mother would be all the better!


I went to coffee with my parents the other night. I was telling them of my plans for the next year or two. I am starting a MA program out of the UK that will require me to travel there occasionally. I received permission from work (I teach Jr. High at a Catholic school.) to take 3-5 months off next year for missionary work in India. I am heading to WYD this summer.... so much stuff I have been dreaming about for SO long and it is starting to come to be.


My mother, God bless her, asked the question, "What are you going to do if your husband comes around while you are busy with all of this?"


Tell him to get on board and update his passport? I don't know how to answer the question, to be honest. The heart of the matter is that marriage and family is what I want, but I don't want to sit around waiting for it. I want to go do what I feel called to do. Isn't that how you meet people, anyways?


I guess, the question my mother asked is a common one for most women... well, women in my peer group! Is there a point where finding a spouse is not your life's priority? DO people activily choose single life as a way of holiness?



I guess some do choose single life. I do, however, believe in Cinderella but also the Grace of the Moment. Life doesn't start when the Prince arrives. It is now and now is where God wants me or He would change it. One moment can change one's whole future. One person at the watermelon stand in the grocery store (LOL) can change one's life. If the Prince never comes, then I will know that I am not to be married. I keep praying though because I believe marriage is my vocation. Brick walls are my answer. When I do everything I can to fix or solve something and there remains a brick wall for today, then that's His answer, for today.

--hide--


Meg,

Great post. Take it one day at a time.

Blessings, Praying hug rose

Leon

Dec 6th 2012 new

You all are awesome! What GREAT responses!


hug hug hug

Dec 7th 2012 new

(Quote) John-34848 said: (Quote) Pat-5351 said: I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if...
(Quote) John-34848 said:

Quote:
Pat-5351 said:

I don't mean I would not marry someone perfect if they came along, but I am giving up the search on my end.




I'm in the same situation(boat?) as you. While it is discouraging, I'm still in the game. Life is a dance and I want to be part of that dance each day. While I think and imagine that the dance would be enhanced with a partner, I also know that I can still participate and enjoy the dance on a daily basis.

I'm still hopeful about relationship and marriage. Not having either at the present time, does not diminish me in the slightest.

When the music of life is playing, I want to be up on the dance floor.

--hide--


John- You should not give up. All of us should hold on to hope.

Dec 7th 2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: John- You should not give up. All of us should hold on to hope.
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:



John- You should not give up. All of us should hold on to hope.

--hide--
Marian, It's kind of hard to hold onto to hope when one comes into the threads daily and reads all the disparaging remarks made by the men and women on here.

I am by nature a VERY positive and upbeat person, but I see this trait waining daily after visiting the various negative threads/comments. rose Dove

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