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This room is dedicated to those who are facing the challenge of raising children without the support of a spouse. This is a place to share ideas and lend mutual support.

Saint Rita is known to be a patroness for abused wives and mourning women.
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Dec 3rd 2012 new

(Quote) Kathy-635104 said: Thank you, Ray. You gave me much to think about. We actually did talk about work atti...
(Quote) Kathy-635104 said:



Thank you, Ray.
You gave me much to think about. We actually did talk about work attire and what is appropriate. He figured casual Fridays meant basketball shorts and t-shirts. I explained it's more like khakis and polos (the things he sees as dressy.) I guess this weekend surprised me as we haven't had battles before mass in a very long time. Even when he wanted to skip the week before so he could sleep at a friend's house..I told him he could sleep over but I would pick him up for mass and made sure he brought clothes with him. He did put in a plea to sleep in, but I consented to going to a later mass in the next town. He didn't balk at all.

He is often the only one in his circle of friends that goes to church. Their parents often comment on what a great kid he is and his friends have told me they wish they could go to church. I always offer to have them join us, so I don't want to give him reason to rebel. I just feel strongly about showing respect and want him to feel the same.

--hide--
The plot thickens a little bit. If his friends don't or won't attend Mass, your son is ahead of the others in that respect. To invite them is your way of evangelizing. It doesn't give them an excuse not to attend. Back to Matthew, and the famous passage that reads, "Many are called but few are chosen."

On the plus side, it seems that your decision involved some discussion with your son. It was not a one sided, dictatorial mandate. In the first place, that doesn't sound like your style -- you're not that type of person. So....your son understands the reason for your requests. I'm sure this carries over into other areas of his life as well. You realize that a few minutes of discussion can save hours of aggravation.

Your son is setting an example for the others -- his way of evangelizing even if he wants to sleep in. By adding a little thinking to the process, you were able to mutually reach a satisfactory course of action--attending Mass elsewhere at a later time. You didn't let him off the hook, but helped accomodate his situation at the time.

Oh, the joys of parenthood...... biggrin

Dec 4th 2012 new

As long as the lines of communications are open you can still reach out to him. When my son was at your son's age (now he is 36) we have the same problem. But I always emphasized to him that my batting in is a show of care. One time he was so mad that I called his pager (back then) because his friends made fun of him as a mama's boy. I told him he should feel proud that he has a mother that stays awake waiting for him, while his friends parents just sleep without thinking if their son was in good hands. You are a good mother and I am sure your son appreciates that. You are teaching him good values something he has to give a second thought. He is so fortunate he has you as a mother.

Dec 4th 2012 new
I started of early on with "church clothes" which were different than others. When they were little dockers and polo shirts worked except for the special occation. Once they got older it was dockers and dress shirts. They had ties if they wanted to wear them. I think if you just let him know that you have certian minimal standards that you expect and define them he will be fine. He wouldnt go see the President or some secular leader dressed down nor should he. Same for our Blessed Lord. Doesnt have to be a suit and tie but clean shirt pants and decent shoes are not too much to ask.
Dec 5th 2012 new

Praying I'd be happy to get my 16 year old son to mass in swimming trunks and no shirt. He hasn't beem to church (and has been vehemently against it) since his dad divorced me. He was 10.

Dec 5th 2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I'd be happy to get my 16 year old son to mass in swimming trunks and no shirt. He hasn't...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

I'd be happy to get my 16 year old son to mass in swimming trunks and no shirt. He hasn't beem to church (and has been vehemently against it) since his dad divorced me. He was 10.

--hide--


My son tried that when he was 10. It was always a battle because his dad rarely went. I told him then it wasn't an option, we will always go, so deal with it. I had similar battles over Faith Formation. I started teaching because I wanted him to see it is important.

I am very grateful he is involved. That's my dilemma. How hard do I push? I don't want him to figure it isn't worth the hassle of dressing up.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: I'd be happy to get my 16 year old son to mass in swimming trunks and no shirt. He hasn't...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

I'd be happy to get my 16 year old son to mass in swimming trunks and no shirt. He hasn't beem to church (and has been vehemently against it) since his dad divorced me. He was 10.

--hide--
For now, do what you can with him at home. You're at least setting an example, and some of it is bound to have a positive effect sooner or later. No doubt you are praying for his return to the Church.

Is there someone in your family who lives nearby that could act as a father figure and have a positive influence on your son? Sometimes that helps.

Dec 6th 2012 new

Looking back. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do but I didn't want him to resent the church. My mom always forced us to go to church and after confirmation at 12, she'd of had to drag me to church kicking and screaming so I stopped going. I didn't want him to feel that way. The difference was I didn't ever want to go and he'd always wanted to go before then.


Maybe it's not a good idea to let your son relax in his dressing. Teenagers always keep pushing and giving in a little might encourage him to push further. Obviously, what I did didn't work.

Dec 6th 2012 new

(Quote) Julie-909449 said: Looking back. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do but I didn't want him to resent the church. ...
(Quote) Julie-909449 said:

Looking back. Maybe it was the wrong thing to do but I didn't want him to resent the church. My mom always forced us to go to church and after confirmation at 12, she'd of had to drag me to church kicking and screaming so I stopped going. I didn't want him to feel that way. The difference was I didn't ever want to go and he'd always wanted to go before then.


Maybe it's not a good idea to let your son relax in his dressing. Teenagers always keep pushing and giving in a little might encourage him to push further. Obviously, what I did didn't work.

--hide--


I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, Julie. A lot of us go through periods where we pull away. You gave him a base and he sees your example every day. That is going to have more impact on him long term. Keep praying. It worked for St. Augusta!

Dec 6th 2012 new

I'm actually not too hard on myself because it was logical thinking in my mind. It didn't work (my son is 17). I think you've brought up a valuable lesson. I knew what I did didn't work but didn't think beyond that. Your post made me think. And I see the testing that teenagers do in most areas.

Go with your heart. I think your having him dress isn't so simple and maybe your initial thoughts are right. The testing will come soon enough. If you're able to get him to concur now, it'll be less trouble later.


Just my new thoughts. Praying

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