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Discussion related to living as a Catholic in the single state of life. As long as a topic is being discussed from the perspective of a single Catholic then it will be on-topic.

Tobias and Sarah's story is from the Book of Tobit, and his journey is guided by Saint Raphael.
Learn More: Tobias & Sarah as led by Saint Raphael

12/09/2012 new

I think Kathy really hit two important points:

1) Women only think to "initiate" when the man does not. She tries to wait (even if it is for a minute, or years, whatever the case may be) hoping he will do something. Only because he does not (some women being impatient, and/or not getting the concepts being discussed here), does she then initiate. But that was not the way it was intended to be "in the beginning...."

2) That when women initiate (and I myself am not referring to a lone first emote, smile or email--my point is the woman should not be/have to be the driving force behind the relationship--women should not say, "do you want my number?" "why don't we meet" "do you want to go out to the movies" call and text the guy unbidden, etc etc etc.) because it rarely turns out well.

I liked Kathy's expression: I was put in my place. That sums it up for me.

I think if everyone takes their place in this game, and plays it, we would all be MUCH better off.

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: (Quote) Meg-920823 said: (Quote) Ray-566531 said: M...
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:

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Meg-920823 said:

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Ray-566531 said:

Marian -- this is what we need to help set the tone of this thread back to where it should be -- civil and courteous. Many people think of some of the regular fora participants as "family". Yes, occasionally family members occasionally squabble, but they're still family. I'm hoping we can all overcome the negative and acidic comments that were made here, and get back on track.

This is Advent -- a time when we should be pondering the great event of Jesus' birth, not knocking others down. It should be a time of peace.



I am a very new member but I cannot adequately express how much the forums and smiles and rosaries have helped me. I feel connected to a wonderful group of people who love Our Faith and I smile when I think of this site. Here is to wonderful friends who can help me grow...Thank you.




Meg I hope you will always feel this way here.
Marian

--hide--
me too on what both of you said

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Marian-83994 said: YOU are NOT a damaged floor model Loretta! That is a very inappropriate post.
(Quote) Marian-83994 said:




YOU are NOT a damaged floor model Loretta! That is a very inappropriate post.

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Thanks for this. I have peace. David is a good friend and I know I can be truthful with him. He is a man that tries hard to chase after Gods heart. Like all humans he is not not perfect and for that matter neither am I. I admire David's faith. He has extended a helpful spirit to me before when my brother was going through a difficult time. He is zealous in how he shares sometimes but there is a hint of truth in what he says often times. Not all of us want, need. or care to hear it. That day he hit a little close to home but we have discussed it and I am fine.

Thank you Marian! You are sweet woman to care. Men! Marian has a great heart, a lovely spirit and beautiful smile! Come catch her before she is gone!

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Loretta-678584 said: Thanks for this. I have peace. David is a good friend and I know I can be truthful with him. He...
(Quote) Loretta-678584 said:

Thanks for this. I have peace. David is a good friend and I know I can be truthful with him. He is a man that tries hard to chase after Gods heart. Like all humans he is not not perfect and for that matter neither am I. I admire David's faith. He has extended a helpful spirit to me before when my brother was going through a difficult time. He is zealous in how he shares sometimes but there is a hint of truth in what he says often times. Not all of us want, need. or care to hear it. That day he hit a little close to home but we have discussed it and I am fine.

Thank you Marian! You are sweet woman to care. Men! Marian has a great heart, a lovely spirit and beautiful smile! Come catch her before she is gone!

--hide--
yes we all love our David hug

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Ray-566531 said: First of all, a blessed Advent to all of you. Is the dating world that scary that guys can&#...
(Quote) Ray-566531 said:

First of all, a blessed Advent to all of you.

Is the dating world that scary that guys can't risk rejection? Should guys shirk away from dating because of one or more rejections, or should we try to develop thicker skins? Can't the ladies drop a subtle hint that they are interested in someone, then hope he is available and picks up on your clue(s)?

A lot of posts contain elements of truth -- some more; some less. Because we are each unique, we think differently. What seems obvious to one might be unclear to another. It seems much has been spoken from the personal experience point of view, which can easily be a distortion from the big picture.

From my own experience and observation, many people set themselves up for failure (both genders). They complain and blame others when some introspection would go far in solving the problem. If we take a good look at ourselves, we have to ask if we're good dating material. Have you asked yourselves if you would ask yourself out? Attitudes vary, of course, but some people seem prone to negativity -- as is evident here. From some personal experiences working with Catholic Singles locally, I dealt with some people who were just dour, bitter, angry at the world -- in other words, just plain unhappy. But...to them, their attitude is the "correct" one; they think everyone should think as they do. Ain't gonna happen, folks. A defeatist attitude isn't likely to produce positive results. After those episodes, I walked away thinking "No wonder they're single." Sad.....

We can't truly know success unless we have known failure. With failure, we can either dust ourselves off and start again, or feel that the world is against us and the effort isn't worth it. Unfortunately, many equate rejection with failure. Far from it. While I believe there is more than one person who would make an ideal mate, I know that not everyone would. Trial and error. You can't win unless you play the game.

There have been some acidic and inflammatory comments made in this thread which disappoints me. We are not expounding wisdom by doing that -- we are insulting and demeaning others. Can you imagine Jesus, considering Who He is, and how He must have felt during His days on earth?

There are some similarities between online dating and real-life situations. We experience rejections in both. Just because we're online doesn't mean we can now sit back and hope someone will notice us. Efforts still have to be made to have us noticed by others. If people haven't utilized all of the CM features and offerings, then perhaps those people unknowingly want to set themselves up for failure. It's easier to blame something superficial or imaginary for this.

Who cares who makes the first move? And what kind of "move" are we talking about? In the case of men, can it be as simple as a woman initiating an innocent conversation in the hope of having her interest be noticed? Or are we talking about women actually asking men for a date? Quite a contrast with those extremes, but something to consider, especially for people who cling to the so-called "old-fashioned" way of doing things. Nothing wrong with that, but then what you want to have happen won't.

Marriage involves each person using his and her gifts for their betterment and salvation. So does dating -- if someone isn't being reluctant or stubborn.

Rodney King may not have been a model citizen, but he professed great wisdom with his simple question: "Can we all get along."

Once again, a blessed Advent to all of you.

--hide--


I guess I have been on this site way too long and really should not renew one of these days.

The long of the short of it is, in the CM Dating world everyone needs to "get a grip." 99.9% come to CM the hopes to meet "the one." Yet they shoot themselves in the foot by all their rules and regulations. Relax, send an emote who cares who sends the first one, on line dating is not meeting someone across the crowded room or a blind date. If you feel comfortable and safe with the person, meet them, don't set up guidelines as to X amount of emails, phone calls, etc. Stop moaning and groaning on the forums, that gives the opposite sex a wrong impression of you, as they will think they that this is your personality and who wants to be around someone who moans and groans.

As for you men, I am not trying to single you out but I haven't met a man on this site that has come to actually find a mate, did not find one within a year or two. Some may thought they have found one and started a relationship but it didn't work out and that's o.k. they tried. Don't tell me you can't find anyone because if you can't find them here, where are you going to find them eyepopping I know many wonderful women that I have met through the forums and have met at Events, so don't tell me they are not out there. How many events have you gone to, to mingle and see the person from behind the screen.

Why don't you News Resolution be to put aside your list, your rules and regulation and actually go to an event and meet someone - take a risk.

Note, by talking a risk, I don't mean common sense goes out the window - remember discern properly as this is still on line dating.

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Nancy-632072 said: (Quote) Leon-593843 said: Ray,............and a blessed Ad...
(Quote) Nancy-632072 said:

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Leon-593843 said:



Ray,

............and a blessed Advent to you.

Once again, you have shared a five-star post. In our generation, it is was the norm rather than the exception for the guy to ask the girl for a date. I still believe that way but would not mind if it happened the other way.

I don't wear my feelings on my sleeves. As such, I don't fear or allow fear from going forward. If she says no, that is her right. If she says no to a date, don't live in a closet or bury yourself in a hole. The sun may not shine today but will tomorrow. Although I have not seen statistics, I would think men in general get more rejections than yes answers unless you look like Rock Hudson or Justin Beaver. Before I can expect to find the "right person", I first need to be the "right person". I need to be the person described in my profile and what I post in the forums. Sometimes, we need to do a self-analysis. If I were a woman, would I date me? Women may not like what you post but will respect you if they feel you are genuine.

Finally as Ray states, stop the negativity, the back-biting and the horrible comments. Quit the mud-slinging. There is always a professional way to disagree. Stop the ego trips. Don't post one way in the general forums and then slam the opposite gender in the private rooms. Men, be the person when you ask for the second, third and fourth dates she sayes, yes, yes, yes.

Just my opinion.

Blessings,

Leon


Leon what a bright shining star you are - if I didn't have a RIP (relationship in progress) and you were ten years younger - well you know the drill

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Nancy,

Thank you for the kind words. I stopped looking at my birth certificate as the year of birth keeps coming up 1947. hissyfit

The main thing is you seem to be happy and very optimistic. When I know others are happy, that makes me happy. No one ever knows what will occur on your initial F2F in February. You have great moxie. Don't allow the overcast days of yesterday to blot out the sunshine today. Keep up the great spirit.

Blessings always, Praying hug laughing hersheyskiss

Leon

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12/09/2012 new

(Quote) Leon-593843 said: Nancy,Thank you for the kind words. I stopped looking at my birth certificate as t...
(Quote) Leon-593843 said:



Nancy,

Thank you for the kind words. I stopped looking at my birth certificate as the year of birth keeps coming up 1947.

The main thing is you seem to be happy and very optimistic. When I know others are happy, that makes me happy. No one ever knows what will occur on your initial F2F in February. You have great moxie. Don't allow the overcast days of yesterday to blot out the sunshine today. Keep up the great spirit.

Blessings always,

Leon

--hide--
Hi Leon - the yesterdays were preparing me for the todays and for what is to come. February can't come soon enough - for both of us - he and I. That is a beautiful thing - faint

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12/09/2012 new

It looks like I hit a nerve with some people.

For what it matters, I don't like some of the comments here either but it is a free country and that includes the right to opinions to offend people.

Very bluntly, society has changed: dating, marriage ect. Women or men seem to be looking for values that have been fading over the last 4 or 5 decades. Whether you like it or not be aware of it.

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12/09/2012 new

I would consider trying to date a woman from my parrish. However it may cause problems: a man needs to weigh out the potenital rewards and benefits. Does any one look out for single men now adays besides themselves?

Evidently many women do not take a man's perspective into account when considering that.

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12/09/2012 new

[quote]Maggie-918313 said:


Enjoy hurting people? Oh Bill...who are these horrid women? Any why would you or anyone else want to bother with them?


As a comparatively older woman, I find that while I can initiate a conversation, I prefer the man to take the lead. The older we are, the more old-fashioned we tend to be, I suppose. There are exceptions, I'm sure

My comment hurt you?

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